Posts Tagged all-or-nothing thinking
Posted by mmorand on August 14, 2010
One of the most obvious forms of all-or-nothing thinking that we humans engage in is a little thing we call the green-eyed monster, a.k.a. good, old-fashioned jealousy.
On the surface jealousy appears to be a simple thought, one that has you wanting something or someone that someone else “has”. But that thought has very deep roots and is itself rampant with all-or-nothing thinking which only makes you feel stuck, hopeless, and diminished. Anger is a response to a threat. We only ever feel angry when we truly feel sad and scared about something. Jealousy has a strong element of anger, a sense of judgement and injustice that belies our underlying fear and sadness. And why are we sad and scared? Well because when we’re aware of feeling jealous of someone it means we must have had the following thought just a second before:
“They” have something you not only want but believe you “should” have, and by virtue of “Them” having that thing, you are less likely to have it yourself, and not having that thing makes you less valuable, less worthy than they are. Therefore, your worth / okay-ness as a person is dependent on that person.
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Posted by mmorand on August 7, 2010
This week I feel compelled to expand a bit on a key piece from last week’s article on Stopping the Triggers. I want to further explore how your training in all-or-nothing thinking makes the process of complete recovery harder than it needs to be. And that, until you learn to perceive yourself and your world in a more balanced, adult way, your need for food and body focus to cope with life will remain.
As I mentioned last week, it is the child’s perspective on the world that thinks in all-or-nothing, black or white, good or bad terms, and is full of absolutes.
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Posted by mmorand on July 31, 2010
For this week’s article I’m happy to respond to a question from a telephone client on the Eastern Seaboard about stopping eating disorder triggers. I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s relevant to anyone at any stage of the journey to complete freedom from food and body image stress, whether you have an eating disorder or just feel that food focus takes up more time and energy than you’d like.
Question:
“One minute after our talk, which I found extremely insightful as I always do, I walked out of office and into my cubicle to have my lunch. I had ordered egg salad on a wrap and fruit. I was ready to eat until full and, if I wanted, to finish rest later if I got hungry. I’ve really been working hard on trying to listen to my body cues.
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Tags: all-or-nothing thinking, anorexia, anxiety, binge eating, body image, bulimia, compulsive eating, confusion, core beliefs, diet, diet mentality, drill sergeant, eating disorders, food to cope, guilt, guilty, natural eating, self esteem, shame, stress, stressor, triggers, underlying stressors
Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self, Tips for Natural Eating
Posted by mmorand on July 24, 2010
For this week’s article I am responding to a question from a reader, Anna, who, after reading last week’s article, Back to Basics, wanted some more specific information on how to overcome nighttime binging.
“I get an overwhelming sense that I need to eat at bedtime. It is almost like an obsession. I have not figured out what thought is triggering this yet. (At other times of the day it seems easier to figure out the thoughts that precede such events.) If I assume it is really hunger and decide to have something small, I am right into a binge and cannot stop with a reasonable amount. Any ideas?”
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Tags: all-or-nothing thinking, anxiety, anxious, binge, binge eating, body image, boredom, bulimia, compulsive eating, drill sergeant, exploring, insecurity, learned helplessness, nighttime binging, overeat, restlesness, stressors, triggers, using food to cope
Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self
Posted by mmorand on July 23, 2010
Well! It’s been another transformative week here at CEDRIC. Sarah Atkinson facilitated a great Phase I workshop in Victoria to a full house! And based on the feedback, it is clear that a lot of fun and learning was had by all.
Our Kelowna events for Professionals and for the general public are starting to fill up which is very exciting as it’s my first offering outside of the lower mainland. I’m looking forward to it on all fronts! My sweetheart and I may even try to fit in a holiday which would be lovely in that region in the summer (if you like heat and lakes and wine…which I most certainly do!).
We have a Phase II workshop the last weekend in August in Victoria which has 2 spaces left at this point (August 27 – 29th) and many more Phase I and Phase II events in Vancouver and Victoria in the fall and beyond.
We are also having fun planning our first ever CEDRIC Centre tropical destination retreat! Oh Yeah! If you have suggestions on where that might be held (your favorite destination) let us know. We welcome your suggestions. This event will likely be the first of many annual, all-inclusive, CEDRIC events and we anticipate it will happen in late February, early March, 2011 Again, feedback is welcome.
Below you’ll read just some of the great feedback from our Phase I participants of last weekend. And I trust you’ll enjoy the article for this week as I respond to a question from a reader about her nighttime binging.
Have a fantastic week, and don’t forget to check out the new little video we’ve got as an intro to the CEDRIC Centre on our home page. I think the folks who made it did a great job!
Love
Phase I Weekend Workshop Feedback, July 16 – 18, 2010
“The resources were great!”
“The honesty and personal disclosures of the counsellor really helped and gave me hope and faith in this process.”
“I loved the Drill Sgt. dialogue!”
“It was absolutely amazing!”
“For the last 3 days I was able to feel relaxed about food!”
“I am so grateful that I now have concrete tools I can take with me and use when I need them!”
“The breathing exercise was so helpful!”
“This is a great workshop and it has definitely opened my eyes!”
“It was such a safe, comfortable and supportive setting.”
“I liked how, if I wasn’t able to express myself fully on an issue, someone else always touched on it for me inadvertently.”
“I loved the lunchtime exercise and how I was able to check in about my hunger and fullness and then talk about it later as a group.”
“I loved the healthy assortment of food and teas!”
“I liked the progression of the weekend from food, to self, to others.”
“You are a personable facilitator, Sarah, who was perceptive in your interactions with the group!”
Tags: all-or-nothing thinking, anorexia, binge eating, body image, bulimia, core beliefs, exploring, recovery, self care, self esteem, self love, self worth
Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self, workshops
Posted by mmorand on July 17, 2010
For this week’s article I thought a wee review (intro to you newcomers) of a basic principle on how to overcome an eating disorder would be in order. In my own healing journey, the more I was reminded of this basic premise, the faster things went and the easier life became. I see this phenomenon repeating with my individual clients as well, so here goes.
Simply put, if you’re restricting, overeating, purging, hating your body (no matter whether you’re truly overweight or underweight), feeling depressed, feeling anxious, drinking often, taking drugs, numbing out regularly to the T.V., or spending money you don’t really have on stuff you don’t really need, you are using a coping strategy.
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Tags: all-or-nothing thinking, anorexia, anxiety, anxious, binge eating, body image, bulimia, compulsive eating, coping strategy, core beliefs, depressed, eating disorders, food and body image, harmful coping strategies, hungry, negative self-talk, numb out, numbing out, overweight, overwhelmed, permeating level of anxiety, PLA, purging, restricting, self care, self esteem, self love, self worth, stress, underweight
Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre
Posted by mmorand on July 9, 2010
A topic that comes up often enough in my sessions with clients is that of not really believing or trusting the “reassuring” and “supportive” comments of the Drill Sgt. (your inner critic/champion).
What I mean is that, once you’ve identified that your Drill Sgt. is criticizing you for something and have used one of the CEDRIC tools to figure out what he’s really on about, it is common early in this healing process to want to reframe his well-intentioned but poorly-communicated support into a strong, confident statement of absolute belief and trust in our ability to succeed. This actually backfires, believe it or not, and we end up feeling just as estranged from ourselves but now we believe we don’t even have a tool we can use to help because we tried it and it didn’t work! Not quite true.
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Tags: affirmations, all-or-nothing thinking, anxiety, anxious, compulsive eating, drill sergeant, eating disorders, forgiveness, isolated, lonely, mistakes, perfect, recovery, self care, self esteem, self love, self worth, self-loathing, triggers
Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self
Posted by mmorand on June 19, 2010
I’ll bet you know something about goal setting. I’d actually be willing to bet that you’re very good at setting yourself goals each and every day about what you’ll eat, what you won’t eat, when, how much exercise you’ll do, how much sleep you’ll get, whose call you’ll return and how much you’ll get done at work or around the house. Chances are, you’re really skilled at setting goals. But…how often do you actually follow through with them? How often do you get to the end of your day feeling peaceful and relaxed that you achieved what you had asked of yourself that day?
If, more often than not, you reflect on your day, and hear the Drill Sgt.’s critical voice in your head pointing out your shortcomings, it’s a good indication that you did not achieve the goals you set for yourself that day. Same goes for those of you who wake up in the morning to the Drill Sgt. telling you what you will and won’t do that day to make up for what you did/didn’t do the day before.
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Tags: all-or-nothing thinking, anorexia, anxiety, avoidance, binge eating, binging, bulimia, compulsive eating, depression, drill sergeant, eating disorders, isolation, learned helplessness, overeating, procrastination, purging, rebalancing, recovery, restricting, self care, self esteem, self love, self worth, triggers, unrealistic expectations
Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self
Posted by mmorand on June 12, 2010
Ever feel afraid to make mistakes? You can’t expect yourself to do something perfectly the first time around. In fact, you won’t be perfect (i.e. never make mistakes) right out of the gate (or ever for that matter). If you expect that or believe that there are others who are able to do that, you will sabotage yourself and you will never move forward. If you carry the belief that you have to be perfect and that if you can’t be perfect and guarantee that you’ll not make a mistake you’re not even going to bother trying something, not only are you going to experience a very stifled and rigid existence but you’ll probably feel anxious and on the verge of a breakdown most of the time. That kind of thinking is supreme all-or-nothing thinking and it is what is keeping you stuck in all areas of your life, guaranteed.
If you use food to cope, you likely had a primary caregiver or mentor in your life who did not allow mistakes, someone who shamed, blamed, criticized or judged you for not doing something perfectly – or rather the way they thought it should be done.
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Tags: all-or-nothing thinking, anorexia, binge eating, body image, bulimia, compulsive eating, core beliefs, eating disorders, healing, insecurity, natural eating, overeating, rebalancing, recovery, self care, self esteem, self love, self worth, triggers
Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Natural Eating 101, Relationship with Self
Posted by mmorand on June 9, 2010
Welcome to the CEDRIC Centre’s blog. This is the best place online to make lasting and complete changes to your stressful relationship with food, as well as any other stressful circumstances whether in relation to your self-regard, your relationships or your career.
Many would say that we are the experts in getting you from “I’m stuck” to unstuck.
Our very simple, quick, and effective method for removing all the barriers to your success, while simultaneously teaching you new ways of approaching food and other stressors, works for every harmful coping strategy and for every age, male or female.
So whether you overeat, restrict, purge, drink, procrastinate, get stuck in harmful or unsatisfying relationships, feel unfulfilled in your career, or struggle with family connections, our method will show you, simply and speedily, how to create the change you seek in all areas of your life.
Don’t waste another day feeling stuck and stressed out. Regardless of what you may have tried in the past, I can guarantee you, you’ve never tried this because if you had, you wouldn’t still be seeking a solution. Guaranteed!
CEDRIC’s Weekly Update
Hello out there!
It’s been a supremely busy week here at CEDRIC! Wow! We’ve had many new clients reaching out to us from different parts of the world (thank you Skype!) who are exploring the many different services we have to offer. It finally feels like my dream of a centre that provides a sense of community and connectedness for those who struggle with food and body frustration is coming true!!
Last night I gave a presentation to a large group of counselling professionals in Victoria. And I will be traveling to Kelowna and Calgary in the Summer (or early Fall) to present to professionals and to the general public there. We may even hold our very, very first 3-day transformative workshop in Kelowna and Calgary. There definitely seems to be a lot of interest, and I can appreciate it’s easier for me to travel to you than for all of you to travel to me! If you’re interested in an event in your city, or if you live in Kelowna or Calgary and want to be kept informed of events, let me know.
Clearly, people are getting interested in what we have to offer and with our individual counselling, our workshops, our book and other materials and now our new Web-Based program for complete recovery, we are finally able to offer what seems to be the perfect blend of counselling support, resources, peer connection (as much or as little as you like) and healing at a price that everyone can truly afford. Yay!!!!!!!!
In case you didn’t read the article from last week, entitled “Review Time” I’ve included a piece of feedback I received from a reader about their experience of the article. Our blog and newsletter provide you with free tools every week so that you can start to better understand why you do what you do with food and what you can start to do to achieve complete freedom.
Don’t buy into the old bogus story that certain professionals still push, and therefore, certain of your friends and family might still believe, that once you’ve got an eating disorder, you’ve got it for life. That is so untrue and I find it ridiculous and frustrating that people are told such things. It is akin to the old story that the world is flat, or that cigarettes are really good for you!
It is so very common for people who work with us for just a few months to walk away with complete freedom – that lasts! Sometimes a person’s process takes a bit longer, but never are they stuck with a stressful relationship with food for life.
You see, most approaches to eating disorder treatment never actually help you to understand the underlying triggers, separate from food and body image, that you experience in your day-to-day world. You just can’t be truly successful in any lasting way with just a meal plan and some medication to level out your emotions. The problem isn’t solved, just masked over. And what will happen if for some reason you forget or want to stop following your meal plan? Have you learned to trust yourself around food and to eat when hungry and stop when full? Likely not.
Complete and lasting recovery from any harmful relationship with food such as dieting, compulsive overeating, bulimia, and anorexia requires you to be able to trust yourself around food. And that’s really not that hard to do when you are able to understand why you developed that stressful connection in the first place and what you can do, now, in the present to attend to that underlying trigger in a way that truly demonstrates respect for you.
So, if you’re on the sidelines wondering if, after all the other things you’ve tried, you could possibly be successful and truly free, the answer is a resounding YES!!! You just have to try something that actually works! And here we are!
Here’s Judy’s feedback from last week’s article:
“I love how you simplify this! I have spent my life in the all-or-nothing mode, and now I see how this thinking is affecting so many aspects of my life. I would have never identified it as having anything to do with my out-of-balance eating behaviours! Very enlightening. Practicing telling myself the truth is like whacking my way through dense underbrush one step at a time. The all-or-nothing way has become such a well worn pathway, and a hard one to leave behind. Thank you Michelle.”
Thank you Judy! I’m so glad that this clicked for you!
Have a great week everyone.
Love
Tags: all-or-nothing thinking, anorexia, binge eating, body image, bulimia, CEDRIC, compulsive eating, dieting, eating disorders, recovery, self care, self esteem, self love, self worth, workshops
Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Self, The CEDRIC Centre Weekly Update, workshops
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