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Repeated patterns are a window to your needs and the process of lasting change will help you address those needs. For every pattern you repeat, for example: overeating, purging, or restriction, there is a need which is being met within you. Your inability to change the undesirable pattern has nothing to do with lack of willpower or discipline. The pattern is merely a symptom of a deeper problem. If you direct your efforts only at attempting to eliminate the symptom without putting effort into understanding and dissolving its cause, you are setting yourself up for a very fatiguing and defeating battle.
Understanding the Process of Lasting Change
Awareness is the first step in changing any behaviour. You must first become aware that you are doing something which is detrimental to your values and life plan. Resistance is often your immediate reaction to becoming aware of what you are doing and why. This makes perfect sense. You have lived your life with a certain set of behaviours and beliefs. Given this, change, even if desired on some level, often feels less like innovation and more like annihilation of your entire existence as you know it. You wonder what will be left of you, your relationships and the life you know, when you have made the changes necessary to free yourself of this debilitating behaviour. This really means: when you are fully aware of the underlying need that led you to execute this behaviour, will you still choose the people and things you have chosen thus far? From this perspective, change can look very scary and the outcome very lonely. This is why so many of us have to hit our own personal “rock bottom” before we are ready to challenge old, harmful patterns of thoughts and behaviours. You must reach a place where you say, “I don’t care what the outcome is. Just make it stop!”
Tags: acceptance, core beliefs, eating disorder treatment, grounding, growing, healing, healthy eating, natural eating, nurturing, rebalancing, recovery, refocusing, self esteem, self love, self worth, Understanding behaviours, unmet needsLeave a Comment (0) →
Tags: acceptance, achieving goals, all-or-nothing thinking, body/mind/spirit, CEDRIC Centre, co-dependent, coming out of your shell, drill sergeant, eating disorder treatment, eating disorders, forgiveness, future, gaining confidence, grounding, healthy eating, making dreams come true, natural eating, nurturing, past, present, self care, self esteem, self love, self worth, unmet needsLeave a Comment (0) →
- If I acknowledge any validity in what you are saying that means I am completely negating my perspective and that makes you “right” and me “wrong.”
- If I let you know that I understand why you think and feel as you do that means I’m saying it’s right or okay and that means you won’t take the time to acknowledge or validate my perspective, nor will you see any need to grow or change (if your perspective/approach doesn’t work for me). In other words if I acknowledge that I understand you it means I am agreeing with you and therefore I am agreeing to things continuing to be as they are; agreeing that you are “right” and therefore I am “wrong.” I’m not okay with how things are therefore I can’t acknowledge your perspective. (This, by the way, is the mentality that leads to most of the divorces in our society).
Tags: all-or-nothing thinking, challenge assumptions, communication, compulsive eating, coping with stress, emotional eating, emotions, rational thinking, stress eating, thinking rationally, triggers, using food to copeLeave a Comment (0) →
- Is it restricting calories, certain kinds of foods, or times of eating regardless of whether you’re hungry or not?
- Is it purging (through an hour or two of exercise, through laxatives, or vomiting)?
- Is it an attachment to a certain weight or way of looking?
- Is it drinking?
- What about drugs; shopping; gambling; the pursuit of that perfect relationship?
- Do you take responsibility for what others feel, or what others need?
- Do you procrastinate to cope with overwhelming things?
- Do you isolate yourself?
- Do you avoid certain people or places?
- Do you resist downtime?
- Do you resist going to bed at a reasonable hour?
- Are you a clean freak? Or just the opposite?
Tags: anxiety, basoc _needs, binge eating, body/mind/spirit, bulimia, CEDRIC Centre, compulsive eating, eating disorders, Maslow's basic needs, nurturing, overeating, rebalancing, self care, self worth, unmet needsLeave a Comment (1) →
Tags: acceptance, all-or-nothing thinking, anorexia, anxiety, binge eating, body image, body/mind/spirit, compulsive eating, core beliefs, diet mentality, eating disorders, healing, self care, self esteem, self love, self worth, triggersLeave a Comment (3) →