The focus placed on weight loss and appearance by the media far outweighs the air time given to the concept of health, wellness and balance. The underlying message than many of us draw from this imbalance is that, regardless of how healthy and happy you are, if you do not look like the ideal you are not acceptable.
Archive for 2010
All weight problems are simply a reflection of a lack of balance within. That’s all. Emotionally and physically you’re out of balance. Your priorities are skewed and they need to be tweaked so that you really embody the belief that your needs and your health are the most important things in your world.
Peaceful thoughts = present moment
Any thoughts of food that trigger you to feel anything other than peaceful are all or nothing thoughts. Don’t let them run your life – Don’t let yourself spend one more day stuck in anxiety and tension in your life that doesn’t need to be there. Peaceful thoughts = present moment – that means if your mind is peaceful you’re in the present and not stuck in stories about the past or worries about the future.
If you notice you’re beginning to feel that old familiar sense of push/pull, I love you/I hate you, just this once….I’ll start again tomorrow…., what is really happening is you’re into coping strategy mode and not in the present moment. Something has stressed you/ overwhelmed you and you’re reverting to old, instinctive responses to stress that are not rational or helpful and that will only serve to make you more anxious and have bigger problems.
The majority of your conscious and unconscious energy in that moment is either in the past or the future ie. this happened last time and that means it’s going to happen again… or…I wasn’t able to do X last time so I won’t be able to this time. Those are all or nothing thoughts because they are not allowing for the reality that something that hasn’t happened yet could clearly happen any number of ways not just the way it happened before or the worst case scenario way that your brain has attached to.
It’s all part and parcel of the instability and insecurity that is all-or-nothing thinking that stems from unmet needs within you for connection (with yourself), for reassurance (from yourself), for validation and acknowledgment of your feelings and needs (from yourself) and safety and trust (with/in yourself). Did you notice a theme there?
All of the unmet needs that trigger you to binge or purge or restrict can be met by yourself, easily.
You might not know how but don’t doom yourself to a life half-lived simply because you don’t know how to change something that is not working for you.
Reach out, get support and simple, easy tools that you can apply any time anywhere to change the way you think and behave for good.
Learned Helplessness and Eating Disorders
When you start to think about changing your relationship with food and then immediately feel a stuck, sinking sensation inside – that is the sign that your mind just told you a learned helplessness story such as:
It’s too hard;
It’ll take too long;
I can’t change;
It might work for others but it won’t work for me;
There’s no point in trying;
I’m not smart enough / deserving enough of good things;
Better not to try than to try and fail;
I may as well not even bother.
Or, when you say to yourself “I don’t really think anything but food can make me feel better and I don’t really think I can learn to resolve my underlying stressors so I have to keep my numbing tactics at the ready,” that too is learned helplessness.
The fact is, no one who uses food to cope ever does so from any place other than learned helplessness. But there is a quick solution to that auto-default way of thinking that will free you to move forward towards the fulfillment of your goals.
The irony is that the thing that keeps you stuck in your efforts to be free of binging, dieting, and weight loss stress is that same thinking that tells you there’s no point in trying something new to change.
You’re being driven by an irrational, limited and extreme – also known as all-or-nothing – way of thinking. That’s the same thought process that makes you think it makes sense to eat more than you’re hungry for to solve a problem at work or in a relationship; or to not let yourself to eat when you are hungry as a means of building self-esteem. Irrational? Definitely! Common? You bet! Curable? Absolutely.
Let me show you the simple steps to change that learned helplessness thinking and free yourself to stop binging, stop dieting, stop weight loss frustrations and any other pattern that keeps you stuck feeling crappy about yourself and out of control.
My role in your life is to shift you out of that stuck, all-or-nothing head space asap and get you into a possibilities mindset where you genuinely realize the many options in each situation and feel trusting of yourself to respond to the stresses in life in ways that are reasonable, respectful, fair and healthy.