Posted by mmorand on March 31, 2009
You know, it’s been a long time since I binged. It’s been a long time since I even wanted to. I used to binge many times a day, and think about it constantly.
I was either planning a binge; binging; or feeling guilty for binging and trying to restrict myself, which very quickly led to me planning another binge and so on and so on and so on. This is what we refer to as the “diet-binge-guilt” cycle, and it used to be a 24/7 companion in my mind and in my life. Trying to fight off the urge to binge and trying to numb out to the guilt and shame I felt afterwards was a full time job. I don’t know how I managed to work and smile and look like I had it all together.
My nickname at work during those most horrendously out of control years was, if you can believe it… sunshine! Oh, if only my co-workers knew what went on inside my little noggin. It was exhausting being at work and having to appear happy and together when inside I felt so fat and gross and ugly and my clothes were too tight and I could hardly breathe (I wouldn’t let myself buy anything new because, of course, I was going to lose weight soon don’t you know!!). Not only that but I also had constant thoughts of what I should be eating fighting a serious but losing battle with thoughts of what I craved but “shouldn’t” have. Ah, yes, was it any wonder that by the time I returned home at the end of each day I felt so fatigued and so overwhelmed and so depressed that I binged just to soothe and numb out; damn the consequences of weight gain and certain drill sgt. verbal lashing. I needed food now!!
I’d deal with the consequences of that choice later.
Ah, yes, later. We who need to numb out to various circumstances in our lives love that word. It’s fabulous. Just listen to how it rolls off your tongue, later; lllllllllllater. It’s fantastic. I don’t have to do it; think it; be it; experience it now because, guess what? I can do it….later! Yesssss! But damn if there isn’t something of a major catch in that philosophy! Later never comes. Later never becomes now. We never grow up. We never learn to take responsibility for our now when we’re constantly putting off making honoring choices until later. We never learn how to identify and resolve our problems or stresses when we keep waiting for that elusive later to arrive.
You may not know how to take the steps to make the changes you want to make in your life to your restriction or overeating; your preoccupation with food and body image; your feelings of anxiety and depression. That’s where we at The CEDRIC Centre come in. All you need is a readiness for things to be different. If you’re desirous of change and you’re ready to manifest that change; if you’d like to stop waiting for later and begin to reclaim your life and start living in earnest now it’s definitely time to dig deep and reach out and let us support you to let your food focus go and become all you can be. (more…)
Tags: binge, diet, exhaustion, honoring oneself, overwhelmed, problems, procrastination
Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self, The Law of Attraction, Tips for Natural Eating
It seems like evolution, whether at the motivation (conscious or otherwise) of some more sentient, omnipotent being, or exclusively through some natural selection process, has brought us to a place of consciousness of our separation and individual responsibility faster than we are able to comfortably and confidently step into the role of responsible individualism.
I believe strongly that this theory is evidenced by the multitude of behavioural and thought processes that humans engage in, on a daily basis, whose sole purpose is to distance ourselves from this present moment and from the reality of separation and individual responsibility combined with complete interdependence on others.
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A few weeks ago, during our self-care series, I received this email asking for some specific support around goal setting and changing harmful patterns.
“Thank you for this article, it sounds so easy when you break the goal down into small pieces that are seemingly easily attainable.
I’m really struggling with a lack of sociability. I put off going out and meeting people (even going to the market) and am getting more and more housebound. I find myself dreading any social contact and I just want to pull the covers over my head and stay in bed. Can you help me with my goal of being a little more outgoing and getting myself to socialize without throwing myself into a state of panic? Thanks for all your great articles and help.”
For those of you out there also struggling with the coping strategies of isolation, avoidance and procrastination, let me offer you a suggestion for moving past and into an experience of life that is fuller and richer than the one you’re living right now.
