Posts Tagged body/mind/spirit
Posted by mmorand on April 2, 2011
Well hullooooo out there! It’s week 2 of our Natural Eating series and about time we fully looked at natural eating defined. Last week, we explored the antithesis or maybe we could even say, “the nemesis” of Natural eating…..(insert ominous theme music here….): The Diet Mentality. This nasty way of thinking turns you against your body and against yourself, and sets you on a vicious cycle of diminished self-esteem and increased self-harm and loathing. It’s got to go people!! But if you’re reading this then you’re already on it!
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Tags: anorexia, anxiety, body image, body/mind/spirit, bulimia, CEDRIC Centre, compulsive eating, core beliefs, diet mentality, eating disorders, natural eating, self care, self esteem, self love
Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Natural Eating 101, Relationship with Self
Posted by mmorand on March 26, 2011
Welcome. This is the first article in a series entitled Natural Eating 101 where we will focus on the diet mentality. Natural eating refers to an easy and peaceful relationship with food where you simply eat when you’re physically hungry, stop when you’re comfortably full, make honoring choices about what you eat overall, and have any food in moderation. No guilt. No shame. No sneaking, hiding, binging, restricting, purging. When you eat naturally, your body comes to its natural weight without rigorous exercise programs and without dieting or restricting. And it stays there.
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Tags: acceptance, all-or-nothing thinking, anorexia, anxiety, binge eating, body image, body/mind/spirit, compulsive eating, core beliefs, diet mentality, eating disorders, healing, self care, self esteem, self love, self worth, triggers
Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Natural Eating 101, newsletter, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self
Posted by mmorand on December 17, 2010
Last week I gave you a little task designed to help you begin to quickly get grounded in your right to feel and think as you do and to ask for what you need without guilt, shame, or insecurity and become self confident.
I’ll recap the core message, since I know it’s been a busy 7 days, and some of you may have forgotten, or not have yet got around to reading last week’s article, The Fastest Path to Self-Confidence.
The short version: If you’re using food to cope, you’re out of touch with reality.
There, that about sums it up!
Have a great week.
Just joshin’! There’s more.
Let me fill that statement above out a bit for you and then let’s move on to answering the question: “What can I do to feel more confident in my life as quickly as humanly possible, and in so doing, stop feeling so overwhelmed that I harm myself with binging, purging or restricting?”
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Tags: acceptance, assumptions, binge eating, body/mind/spirit, co-dependent, communication, compulsive eating, core beliefs, drill sergeant, eating disorders, exploring, insecurity, intention, overeating, past, present, purging, self care, self confidence, self esteem, self love, self worth
Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self
Posted by Cedric on October 23, 2010
You have an inner critic who is so filled with judgment and who believes that criticism will motivate you despite years of failure with that method of “inspiration” And yes, you very likely hear him 24/7 unless you’re fairly far along in your process in which case you’ll hardly ever hear him at all, he has been replaced by a truly compassionate, loving and effective supporting presence within.
But for those of you who still hear him, frustrated thoughts of food and judgmental thoughts of your body will be going on 24/7 when the drill sgt. is around. In fact, you may be so familiar with your drill sgt. you don’t believe you have one! He may be the only voice you hear in your head right now and as such that critical presence may have begun to feel like you! Yes, you may have come to believe that the drill sgt. is actually the true essence of who you are.
Not so, even for a minute!
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Posted by mmorand on July 2, 2010
Well, I hope you’ve had a fantastic week. We’ve had an amazing response to our summer workshops! Our Phase I workshop is bursting at the seams and our Phase II event at the end of August is filling up nicely. These workshops are always fabulous events that lead to so much growth and change for participants. I can’t help but be excited for you!
Our events in Kelowna are shaping up, too. I’ll be in Kelowna on Wednesday, August 18th to provide a full day training event for professionals and a 3-hour introductory educational workshop for the general public. Registration information will be posted on our web site as of next week but if you’d like info before then, just email me directly @ mmorand@cedriccentre.com.
And in case you haven’t noticed, as of 2 weeks ago, CEDRIC officially has a podcast! Yay!! Every week there will be a download accessible through our blog directly or through iTunes. If you like, you can subscribe to it and get a notification of its posting each week.
I encourage you to have a listen. The more ways we experience a new message, the more it sinks in, that’s why we have so many different ways for you to approach your work with us.
Have a great week!
Love
Tags: binge eating, body/mind/spirit, bulimia, CEDRIC podcast, compulsive eating, eating disorders, podcast, purging
Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self
Posted by mmorand on May 26, 2010
Welcome to the CEDRIC Centre’s blog. This is the best place online to make lasting and complete changes to your stressful relationship with food, as well as any other stressful circumstances whether in relation to your self-regard, your relationships or your career.
Many would say that we are the experts in getting you from “I’m stuck” to unstuck.
Our very simple, quick, and effective method for removing all the barriers to your success, while simultaneously teaching you new ways of approaching food and other stressors, works for every harmful coping strategy and for every age, male or female.
So whether you overeat, restrict, purge, drink, procrastinate, get stuck in harmful or unsatisfying relationships, feel unfulfilled in your career, or struggle with family connections, our method will show you, simply and speedily, how to create the change you seek in all areas of your life.
Don’t waste another day feeling stuck and stressed out. Regardless of what you may have tried in the past, I can guarantee you, you’ve never tried this because if you had, you wouldn’t still be seeking a solution. Guaranteed!
CEDRIC’s Weekly Update
Hello and welcome to the CEDRIC Centre weekly update for Week 21.
At the Centre: This past week we have been busy with our individual clients, both in person (at the Centre) and on the telephone (around the world). We’ve been enjoying some wonderful sharing and healing; just amazing, supportive dialogue, among our web program members. You know, I always wanted to create a space where people who are working to overcome food and body image stress could connect safely, respectfully and achieve their goals with lots of tools and support. In fact, I had that vision in mind when I named the CEDRIC Centre (Community Eating Disorder and Related Issues Counselling Centre). It was the word ‘community’ that was most important to me as I wanted to make sure that others knew that they were not alone; that there was an entire community of men and women growing, healing, supporting each other, in a safe container with lots of practical tools. I feel very, very excited about the potential of this program and very fortunate to witness the healing that is taking place and the incredible support being offered between members.
Updates on CEDRIC in Vancouver and Victoria: This past weekend I was in Vancouver (yet again!) and found CEDRIC’s Vancouver home! We’re nice and central, just off major bus routes but in the most absolutely lovely home you can imagine! I can’t wait to meet with you there – but it will have to wait a bit as that space doesn’t become ours until September. This gives me lots of time to get my team ready (or rather, if I’m completely truthful! to get myself ready to be with my team less!!!). Current Michelle clients please note – I will be in Victoria 2 days a week and making space to meet with you then so I am not gone. And I will be accessible by telephone to my current distance clients and to any Victoria clients who want to work with me that way, too.
Sarah Atkinson will be taking over as primary therapist in Victoria and the rest of our team will remain as is. We have a wonderful group of therapists and body workers and admin support and I feel blessed to have them. As a team, we provide intensive healing programs to individuals from all over the world and enable them to heal from their stressful relationship with food, whether anorexia, bulimia, or overeating, quickly and completely. In fact, we had two healing plan graduates last week and, while I was sad to see them go, I was so thrilled with the peace and joy they exuded.
Education in the Community: I was at Camosun College this week, presenting to a group of professionals and students, and was very touched by the warm welcome I received and the gratitude expressed by attendees for my time. It is the mandate of the CEDRIC Centre to provide education and support for those struggling with a stressful relationship with food, and to that end, we make it a priority to speak at educational institutions to blossoming professionals and individuals at large to create more awareness about why people might develop disordered eating patterns and what to do to help them. There are very, very few resources in our province, our country, our continent…for healing from food and body stress, and we take our role as educators and supporters very seriously. We are committed to supporting you to experience complete and lasting recovery, and we have the programs, materials, and staff to make that a reality no matter how long you’ve been struggling or what you’ve tried before.
I hope you had a week filled with growth and happiness. But if not, remember, we are here to show you how to step free completely from your stressful relationship with food, quickly and forever.
Love
Tags: anorexia, body/mind/spirit, bulimia, compulsive eating, disordered eating, eating disorders, healing, recovery, safe, self care, self esteem, self love, self worth, supportive, workshops
Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Self, The CEDRIC Centre Weekly Update, workshops
Posted by mmorand on May 22, 2010
You know that precious time in the morning when you lie in bed or you’re brushing your teeth or in the shower and you start to feel excited and energized about the fantasy you’re having about how much you’re going to exercise (later that day, and every day thereafter), or how much you are or aren’t going to eat that day (and every day after)?
You know, those moments when you know what you need to do to be the physical form you want to be, and therefore (in your head anyway…) to be happy finally, once and for all. Only problem is, if nothing has changed in your schedule and your inner thought process and self-regard since yesterday, all you are doing when you engage in those fantasies is setting yourself up to take a brutal beating from your Drill Sgt. when you crawl in to bed at the end of the day.
Think about it. If you weren’t able to find the time or the energy or the positive self-regard to make honoring choices about what you ate, whether or not and how much you exercised, and whom you spent time with and how you spent it yesterday, why on earth would today be any different? Unless you’ve actively changed your schedule and set reasonable goals based on the reality of how much energy you’ll have at the end of the day; learned to set boundaries about what you do and with whom (both at work and at home); committed to and gained skills for eating naturally (eat when hungry, stop when comfortably full)….why would anything be any different from yesterday?
Yesterday you wanted to be healthier. Yesterday you wanted to exercise. Yesterday you wanted to talk to so and so about such and such. Nothing has changed in your goals from yesterday to today. So if nothing has changed in your expectations of yourself but you weren’t able to honor them yesterday, you really are beating your head against a brick wall to continue to expect that of yourself today. It’s self-harm on a major scale to continue to expect something of yourself that you aren’t yet able to do consistently without changing your approach and gaining some new skills.
If this sounds like you, it’s time to stop. This is the old, Drill Sgt., irrational, motivation through criticism approach to healing and it hasn’t worked in your entire life so far, so it’s not going to work now. Accept it, let it go and actively seek a solution that does work. What would that be you ask?
Well, what does work is to take a look at what you are expecting of yourself on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis in all areas of your life: primary relationship, kids (if you have them), family, friends, work, volunteer, school (classes/crafts, etc.), and your relationship with yourself. What is it that your Drill Sgt. tells you you should be doing in each of those areas in order to finally be acceptable, loved, safe, and happy (oh, and don’t forget drop-dead sexy!).
Now stop for a moment and look at what you’ve written. How many hours in a day would you need to fulfill those commitments as your Drill Sgt. says you should in order to finally be “good enough?” 30? 50?…. When exactly are you supposed to get that perfect 8+ hours of sleep he expects of you?…Right.
Now what if you just stopped, breathed, really – stop and breathe – be here, now, with me. Notice what you are telling yourself right here in this moment about yourself, about your expectations, about how there’s no point doing this exercise…etc.
Take a moment and write out all the stories you’re telling yourself right now – even the one about how you don’t have time to write out all the stories you’re telling yourself …
Now, at the end of each story add the words “and that means.” Now see what pops into your head. Keep adding “and that means” to the end of each statement until you feel like there really is no further to go. Chances are you’ve just hit the jackpot of all-or-nothing thinking. Go on, try it. If you’re reading this article it’s because you recognize you need a hand in getting to a peaceful and easy relationship with food and with your body. Why bother reading the article and acknowledging you need help if you’re not going to try and do anything new? Usually, the answer to that question sounds something like: “Because I don’t’ really think I can change or that I will be successful…it’s better to not try because if I try and fail I’ll feel like crap – at least now I can still imagine it can work…”
Of course the only problem with that is that it’s not true! Nothing changes when you keep doing the same old same old. Our clients know firsthand that everything changes for the better, and quickly too, when they just say, “Enough already! I’ve got to do something!” and they reach out to us for some guidance, support and tools.
If you’re tired of the morning fantasy that turns to evening self-abuse, start now to write out the process above and give yourself the gift of seeing firsthand what you’re expecting of yourself. Then ask yourself: Within the context of a balanced life, where I have time for my self-care (and energy to follow through on eating well and exercising moderately), what is reasonable to expect of myself in each of the key areas of my life?
Do that for this week – let me know what comes up – and next week, we’ll talk about how to put that awareness into action.
Always remember, this process isn’t hard. It’s simple. What makes it seem hard is all the time you have spent shaming and berating yourself for not being perfect and the automatic default to bad body thoughts and the use of food to cope that ensues when we feel criticized and “not good enough.” It’s time to learn how to step free of the inner power struggle and start living.
Have a great week. Do your best with this piece. It will be worth your while.
Love
Whether you prefer one-on-one counselling (in-person, by phone, or email), our intensive and transformative workshops, the self-help approach with the book, or our Food is Not the Problem Online Membership Program, take action today to have a stress-free relationship with food. Sign up for our free newsletter today (see the left top side of your screen). Newsletter subscribers receive exclusive product discounts and are first in line to get on all the latest new at CEDRIC.
© Michelle Morand, 2010
Tags: all-or-nothing thinking, anorexia, binge eating, body/mind/spirit, compulsive eating, core beliefs, drill sergeant, eating disorders, insecurity, motivation through criticism, not good enough, recovery, self care, self esteem, self love, self worth, self-criticism, self-harm, triggers
Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Self, workshops
Posted by mmorand on April 30, 2010
What an amazing week – or should I say month, or should I say year?! Wow! There has been so much amazing growth for our clients. The amazing feedback just keeps coming. I’d like to share a little of it with you for those of you who are still feeling some reluctance to diving in to this process. It is so important for you to know how fast and how simple this process can be. It’s all the old diet mentality stuff that takes a long time and provides no real, lasting change. The process of healing that we teach our clients at the CEDRIC Centre doesn’t have to take long and provides true, lasting success.
For example:
This morning I had a client in my office who started this process 1 ½ months ago, we’ve had 8 sessions total. After years of struggling and feeling insecure and “less than” and dieting and overeating and dieting and overeating, she’s already had 2 weeks of feeling on top of the world! She wore a beaming beautiful smile. She’s feeling warmer and more loving towards herself, and not feeling that urgent compulsion to eat, and she’s just getting started!!! Imagine what the next 2 months will bring, and beyond!! Oh yeah!!!!
This is not the exception. It is the norm, when people just get started receiving support and start learning how to use the tools. Fast, lasting, complete healing.
I also just received an email from a participant from the last weekend workshop (7 days ago) about the amazing success she’s having in her relationships and with food – no overeating or even feeling drawn to it in a week. When was the last time you had a week where you didn’t even feel drawn to overeat? Where as soon as you felt at all anxious you knew exactly what to do to take care of yourself and to let that anxiety go without using food to cope? A few sessions or a weekend workshop were all these women needed to achieve that long sought after peace and solidity.
This process doesn’t have to take a long time or cost you a tonne of money. Those are just old stories, or perhaps they are your own lived experience from other things you’ve tried. You can let those stories go now, and just dive in and be completely free in a few short days at our next Phase I workshop (May 14 – 16th) or a few weeks through our worldwide individual counselling. What suits you best?
Here’s one more email I received this week from Lisa who feels solid and secure in her new approach to food through the tools she learned in our work together. Lisa took part in a weekend workshop and did some phone sessions with me to supplement her learning. Now, after decades of feeling controlled and overwhelmed by food she has this to say:
“I am doing really well with the tools that you have given me. I have not used food to cope in a major way for at least 5 weeks now (I have allowed it to just become a part of my life that I haven’t even written down a ‘start date’ – which is something I definitely would have done before, especially with a diet mentality). I’ve had a couple of times where it was very, very minor but that’s about it. I have changed (I guess I just needed to give it a little more time and also allow myself to really try). I am making really good choices for myself now. There are things that you have taught me that I can honestly say I think about at lest 1x/day.
I have learned from you, that if I have to ask myself if I am hungry, it is quite likely I’m not so I just ask myself how am I feeling, etc. (I’m sure you know the drill!)
In asking that question to myself, I have allowed it to be okay that when I’m not hungry but want food that I don’t choose food (because it never leaves me feeling good about myself) but that I also don’t choose to “figure out what’s going on” …. I decide to just let it go. That has honestly been so freeing. Even in writing this to you I am genuinely reminded that these scenarios just don’t seem to come up like they used too. I can’t even remember the last time I even thought about using food to cope.
I do remember last night though when I had my snack and wanted a piece of chocolate. I had a piece of chocolate and I took my time eating it (it was good chocolate), and I really enjoyed it. What’s cool for me is that somehow (with all of the info you have given), it has clicked in my brain that the chocolate last night is a treat not a meal!
This one has helped me so much. I remember eating lunch the 2nd time with you and everyone was discussing what they were going to have… I wanted one of everything! You, on the other hand, were like, ‘Oh whatever, I guess I’ll have this …..’ You knew this was not your last meal, it was food to give your body energy, etc. I have that now. I have that natural – it’s food to give me energy! The last time we went to Boston pizza with the kids (thrilling, eh?) I ordered what I wanted, there spinach salad (you know the kind with eggs, bacon, cheese – really yummy). The only reason I am saying specifically what I ate is because my other me would have really, really wanted the spinach salad but wouldn’t have ordered it because I would have wanted one of everything, etc. – basically lived like it was always my last meal and when eating out at restaurants or at parties I would let myself use food to cope in such a HUGE way because well, we’re out and it’s a treat (hahaha, a treat that happened 1-2 x/week for sure)
Anyway, I won’t go on and on I just want you to know that you have helped me more than my words could ever say. The day I went online and looked up overeating or something like that online … I will forever be grateful that Cedric Centre popped up and that you are the person behind it all. I think of you so often. I know we don’t ‘know’ each other but with a sincere heart, a thankful mind, a grateful partner (that has the woman back in his life he knew was there), kids that are just sooooooooooo happy ’cause well you know the reason….. THANK YOU just isn’t enough.
Thank you.
Lisa AND her family AND her friends!”
Thank you ladies!! I am always so incredibly thrilled to receive your sharing about how these tools have changed your life. They certainly changed mine and led me to complete and lasting healing from binge eating disorder and exercise bulimia (also known as overeating and exercising like a fiend to keep my weight somewhat stable).
We’re having a great experience of learning and sharing on our web-based program too. So if you’re wanting to start out a little more anonymously, and/or economically, I encourage you to join. It’s just $33.00 a month and provides you with all the support and tools you need to never use food to cope again, and to be a natural weight for your body without effort.
This week the article is on the List of Stressors. The last tool to be shared in the core tool series. The first being the awareness of your sensations of anxiety and the use of the 4-7-8 breathing exercise; the second being the fabulous Drill Sgt. Dialogue that provides such an immediate sense of integration and inner peace!!; and now, the final piece in the healing triad – the list of stressors. Enjoy, explore, and take advantage of the workshops, counselling or web program to cement and expedite your healing! It is completely unnecessary to struggle with food and body image stress for one more week.
Love
Whether you prefer one-on-one counselling (in-person, by phone, or email), our intensive and transformative workshops, the self-help approach with the book, or our Food is Not the Problem Online Membership Program, take action today to have a stress-free relationship with food. Sign up for our free newsletter today (see the left top side of your screen). Newsletter subscribers receive exclusive product discounts and are first in line to get on all the latest new at CEDRIC.
Tags: acceptance, all-or-nothing thinking, anxiety, binge eating, body image, body/mind/spirit, bulimia, CEDRIC Centre, compulsive eating, control, core beliefs, drill sergeant, eating disorders, insecurity, nurturing, overeating, rebalancing, recovery, self care, self esteem, self love, self worth, workshops
Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self
Posted by mmorand on April 20, 2010
Welcome to the CEDRIC Centre’s blog. This is the best place online to make lasting and complete changes to your stressful relationship with food, as well as any other stressful circumstances whether in relation to your self-regard, your relationships or your career.
Many would say that we are the experts in getting you from “I’m stuck” to unstuck.
Our very simple, quick, and effective method for removing all the barriers to your success, while simultaneously teaching you new ways of approaching food and other stressors, works for every harmful coping strategy and for every age, male or female.
So whether you overeat, restrict, purge, drink, procrastinate, get stuck in harmful or unsatisfying relationships, feel unfulfilled in your career, or struggle with family connections, our method will show you, simply and speedily, how to create the change you seek in all areas of your life.
Don’t waste another day feeling stuck and stressed out. Regardless of what you may have tried in the past, I can guarantee you, you’ve never tried this because if you had, you wouldn’t still be seeking a solution. Guaranteed!
CEDRIC’s Weekly Update
Hello and welcome to another weekly update of CEDRIC Events!
Our Spring Workshops: It’s CEDRIC founder Michelle Morand here. Our work in Victoria and Vancouver as well as far and away in the world has going well. I’ve been in Vancouver this past weekend and will be again this weekend and next for CEDRIC events. This weekend coming up (April 23 – 25th ) is our Phabulous Phase I workshop where a group of people who are ready to completely step free of using food to cope will be joining me for 3 days of intensive education and practice to create lasting change in their relationship. No need to diet ever again! Yay!
The next Phase I workshop is May 14 – 16 in Victoria, BC. Just email me if you have questions or want to attend!
More Vancouver Events: Next weekend (May 1 & 2) I’m facilitating 2 workshops at the Health and Wellness show. See last week’s update for details on times and places. If you’re at all interested in not using food to cope anymore and in freeing yourself from procrastination, you’ll want to attend. I’ll be signing books and sharing a little information on the CEDRIC Centre as well.
More Victoria Events: Sarah Atkinson, my right hand here in Victoria, is deep in her facilitation of our latest 12-week group. She’ll also be facilitating a 4-hour workshop in Victoria the weekend of May 14th at the Commonwealth Place to introduce people to the core tools of the CEDRIC approach and show you how quickly you can overcome your overeating and/or restricting. Again, just email or call with any questions if you’d like more details.
Our Web-Based Program is Flourishing – Please Join Us!: We’ve had such a wonderfully overwhelming response to our web-based program and the group forums are filled with such great sharing and support, questions and learning, that we are choosing to extend our special rate of $33.00 per month with no initial sign up fee indefinitely. The whole purpose of the Cedric Centre, when I began to conceptualize it in the early ‘90s and when I opened the doors in 1999, was to create a solid sense of community and support worldwide for people who use food to cope and want to step free if it. The technology of the Internet and online classes, downloads, and teleclasses has finally caught up with my vision and I am so thrilled to see how people are embracing this option to receive education and support from me and from each other, any time anywhere.
Our next web program teleclass is Wed. April 21, @ 5:00 Pacific time so if you’ve been thinking of joining, I encourage you to do so before then so you can join the call. You can also email me any questions you’d like to hear answered beforehand and I’ll answer them on the call in case you can’t attend or are just too shy to ask.
It’s raining here in Victoria but it’s warm and fresh. Spring has sprung. I hope the same is true for you, wherever you are. And I hope you welcome the sunshine into your life as best you can. You deserve light and warmth and lots of love and appreciation.
Springtime Reflections: If you’re at all concerned or frustrated by the coming warm weather and thus, mandatory skin exposure (or death by heatstroke), I encourage you to read this article that I wrote awhile back about spring and summer and the use of food to cope.
Have a fantastic week and don’t forget to sign up for our free weekly newsletter if you’re just visiting so that you can get my tools for recovery article that comes directly to your in box every Saturday morning.
Love
Tags: all-or-nothing thinking, binge eating, body/mind/spirit, compulsive eating, core beliefs, drill sergeant, eating disorder workshops, eating disorders, rebalancing, recovery, self care, self esteem, self love, self worth, workshops
Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self, The CEDRIC Centre Weekly Update
Posted by mmorand on April 10, 2010
This post is part of a series about Complete Recovery on our blog. If you’d like to read all of the blog posts in the series, see The Three Steps to Complete Recovery – 1, 2, 3.
I received some wonderful feedback from you readers this past week about the last few articles I’ve written. Some of you posted them to the blog so I feel free to share them openly here. For future info if you are okay with me sharing your feedback with others you can still email to me directly as many of you do, just let me know in your email if I can share it as is, or anonymously, or not at all. If you don’t specify I won’t share it at all. And if your feedback comes in anonymously (ie. no email address etc.) I won’t share it as I feel an obligation to my readers to at least have a sense of whose feedback I’m sharing (ie. that you’re a person and not a corporation etc.).
Here’s a great reminder from Judy:
“The idea of writing out your stressors at the moment when you have the overwhelming impulse to eat is a powerful tool indeed! Who would have ever thought it could be so easy! When I do this I am shocked by what sets me off, even sometimes things I wouldn’t have thought upset me so badly.”
And here’s a very affirming piece of sharing from Christy:
“Thank you so much Michelle, I always want to send you some cash after I read your articles because they are so valuable. I too had eating disorders like yours and can identify completely. I eventually got help at Mental Health here in Victoria, but after that, I was ready for your Centre. I am forever grateful for your Centre, the time I spent there with Karen and the group I was in, and your ongoing support. On my journey, I have found Echart Tolle, whose philosophy complements your teachings. The new thing I am experiencing is being able to make mistakes. If I were to judge myself, I would say that I am making mistakes that I should have made back as a teen, but as long as I am making them now and learning from them, I can move ahead out of my rut. In particular for me is asking for or accepting money in return for my work, which is difficult because of my diminished sense of self-worth. By not numbing out with food after selling myself short, I am able to feel the pain of my mistake, comfort myself without food and learn from it.
Again, thank you for your excellent and all too rare insight, clarity and dedication. If there is a way I can donate to the Centre in return for your free emails, please let me know. Yours truly, Christy Gain.”
Thank you Christy, and Judy. I appreciate your feedback and sharing very much. The greatest gift you can give me and the Centre is your continued health and commitment to being the best that you can be. Your freedom from food stress is what puts the bounce in our step. Just keep enjoying the articles, contributing when you feel compelled to share, and if you feel so moved, share with others, out there in your day-to-day world, our newsletter and about the success you’ve experienced with our support and tools. That would be perfect!
All-or-Nothing Thinking 101 Continued
I speak about all-or-nothing thinking so often with clients and at educational events that I am very often reminded by the questions that attendees will ask during or after a presentation or session, that most people really don’t know what all-or-nothing thinking is. I mean of course you can get a sense of it from the title: “all” or “nothing.” You might assume from that phrase that we are talking about extreme thinking, absolutes, good and bad, right and wrong, only one possible approach or solution, some rigid and perhaps even, self-righteous thinking, and you would be absolutely (no pun intended) right.
However, if I asked you to give me an example of all-or-nothing thinking or show me places where it continually catches you and messes up your day, could you?
Now if you’re starting to squirm a little, don’t worry, you’re in great company. You see, the all-or-nothing thinking is the culprit. It is the cause of your current suffering and very likely, a major contributor to your past suffering and to any future suffering you’re imagining experiencing. Thus, learning how to identify and step clear of your all-or-nothing thinking is key to you living the quality of life you desire in all ways, including a complete removal of the use of food to cope and any stressful food and body focus.
It is very simple to learn to let your old all-or-nothing thinking go, but as I said last week, it’s a really tough thing to do on your own because the old brain is slippery and even when you begin to explore you thoughts with the intent of routing out the all-or-nothing, you will often find, without support, that you were unsuccessful. This leaves you feeling more stuck and defeated than before and perhaps, turning to food to cope with your frustration. Unfortunately, many people never stop to consider that it wasn’t that exploring their thoughts more consciously didn’t work, it’s just that a new all-or-nothing thought snuck in, and without an external observer, or a very clear, step-by-step process that you commit to writing out so you can see your thoughts more clearly, the new all-or-nothing thought comes in like a whisper, completely unnoticed and you buy it hook, line and sinker and are back to feeling stuck and hopeless.
Hence, it is key to make sure you’re using your tools for attending to all-or-nothing thinking properly and that you’re not getting caught in a more subtle all-or-nothing thought once you have learned to catch the more surface/obvious ones.
I am sure I’ve mentioned before that I have had clients who have been purging, binging and restricting for decades completely cease these behaviours in a matter of 5-10 sessions (that’s 2-3 months), never to begin again. And it is important to note that these many men and women did not just “stop” the behaviour, they truly felt no pull, no compulsion. They were completely free of the food and body stress that had plagued them for years. That is the most important part to me, to be honest. I am not at all content for a client to just stop behaviourally using their coping strategy. That’s still not success as far as I am concerned. Complete and lasting recovery looks like not even thinking about it and like feeling completely at ease in your body and around any food any time. That’s what we call success and learning to identify and attend, respectfully, to your all-or-nothing thinking is a key component of that complete and lasting success.
It’s easy, you just have to learn how and have some support to do what I call “fine-tuning and tweaking” to ensure you feel confident in your ability to know when and how to use your tools.
Let me share some examples of all-or-nothing thinking with you so you can begin to look for them in your own thinking and release yourself from their grasp. Next week we’ll explore this even further.
Maryanne was planning all day to go to the gym after work. She had committed herself to it in the morning and had been reminding herself of that commitment throughout the day. By 5:00 however, her energy was down and she just wanted to go home after a long and stressful work day. She battled with herself all the way home, trying to pressure herself to go to the gym. But before she knew it, she found herself in her home and in the fridge, all night. Maryanne was a victim of all-or-nothing thinking. And not just during the day at work, but on her way home, and all night at home. Here’s how:
- Maryanne didn’t feed herself much throughout the day because she was trying to make up for the extra food she had consumed the night before so she restricted and did not listen to the needs of her body for food. Now she feels more fatigued than she otherwise would have been simply because her body is drained of fuel. “I ate too much yesterday so I have to restrict today, no matter how hungry I feel I’ll only eat X, and no matter what I’ll go to the gym and work off some calories too.”
- Here Maryanne is so stuck in her all-or-nothing that without knowing it, she sets herself up in the morning to not have enough energetic resources to follow through on her gym plans. The same thing she did yesterday, and the day before… Thus, in her Drill Sgt.’s mind, she has demonstrated yet again her laziness, lack of willpower, and lack of trustworthiness.
- The statement: “I ate too much yesterday” may be true. Only Maryanne can say if she felt that familiar overfull and lethargic feeling we get from having too much to eat in one sitting. But every statement after that is all-or-nothing:
- “So I have to restrict.”
Here our Maryanne is so stuck in the diet mentality that she believes that the only solution to having had extra calories the night before is to make herself go hungry for some of the day today. This is called the diet- binge-guilt cycle. She’s unwittingly setting herself up for a binge by restricting and not honoring her body’s need for consistent fueling throughout the day. At some point her body’s basic need for survival and sustenance is going to hormonally override her mind and its need for a certain pant size. She’s doomed before she even leaves the house to repeat her diet-binge-guilt pattern today unless she begins to let go of the all-or-nothing story “I have to restrict,” and instead says something like: “I overate yesterday. My body doesn’t feel as good as it could today as a result. Let’s take a moment to figure out what might have triggered me (out comes my list of stressors) and today I’m going to eat smaller amounts throughout the day when I notice I’m hungry, stopping when I’m comfortably full, and that means I’ll have more energy at the end of my day to do some exercise and I won’t feel so ravenous and exhausted when I get home that I want to eat everything in the house and then some.” (This is such a mature, balanced, self-caring approach to food and life. It is so self-respecting and can only lead to a more enjoyable day and a less stressful night. Yay Maryanne!)
- “No matter how hungry I feel I’ll only eat X.”
Here, Maryanne is missing the mark entirely. She’s focusing on the food and not on the “why” she overate the day before. She overate the day before for 2 simple reasons, she uses food to cope and she was stressed (in large part because of her forced restriction and self-judgement), and because was approaching food with severe all-or-nothing thinking (ie. good and bad foods; until I weigh X I’m not allowed to eat Y, etc.) rather than simply asking herself the following questions that just naturally arise in the minds of those people who don’t struggle at all with food stress: “Am I hungry?” yes? “What do I feel like having?” Ok, let’s have that. “Am I full?” Yes? “Okay, time to stop, man that was good!” Quiet mind, no Drill Sgt., easy peasy.
- Maryanne made her day end just like the day before because she was still focusing on food in a diet mentality way and restricting herself rather than just encouraging herself to learn to identify and manage her stress about other things more directly and to practice the simple steps of eat when hungry stop when full everything in moderation you can always have more later. Ah, well, there’s always tomorrow! Wait! That’s all-or-nothing too Maryanne! You don’t have to wait till tomorrow. You can start now to wait until you get hungry to eat and then to listen to your body about fullness cues while more consciously attending to any stressors that might be triggering you to feel overwhelmed or want to numb out or judge yourself.
- “No matter what, I’ll go to the gym and work off some calories.”
Here, Maryanne has set herself up, big time. This all-or-nothing story leaves no room for anything to change or for her energy to be low. She either goes to the gym or she hears about it from her Drill Sgt. all night. She could have said, “I’d really like to fit in some exercise today, what do I need to do in the way of self-care today at work to make sure I have the energy for that?” That would have worked much better. Or even, “I don’t feel like going to the gym now, I’m too pooped for a full workout, I think I’ll just get off the bus earlier and walk a few extra blocks for my exercise today.” Ahhhh, so much more honoring than either forcing oneself to exercise a fatigued and undernourished body or just going straight home and pigging out. Balance, respect, big-picture living, rather than rigid, stuck, all-or-nothing. Simply by noticing when she’s feeling anxious or stuck or resistant and checking in for any all-or-nothing thinking (any shoulds, must-haves, must-dos or must happen a certain way or else) Maryanne has so, so many chances all day long to turn her day around and to care for herself and to arrive home feeling more balanced and less stressed, frantic, and desperate for food or to numb out.
You see, it’s not all-or-nothing. If you miss an opportunity to catch some all-or-nothing thinking, you’ll get another one. What matters isn’t that you missed that first one but that you don’t keep spiraling into all-or-nothing and say, “Well, I screwed that one up. I guess I’m screwed for the day – I’ll just start again tomorrow,” but instead say, “Well, that was some all-or-nothing thinking back there, what else could I have done in that situation or in response to that thought? Let’s do that next time.”
Life is for learning. If we don’t permit ourselves to learn from our missteps and to cut ourselves some slack when we aren’t perfect and instead, default into old training, we make it unsafe for us to learn and grow. There’s no purpose or value in that whatsoever. It only cements you in your current half-life.
I could take you through Maryanne’s thoughts on the drive home, her thoughts when she gets home, her thoughts as she eats, her thoughts as she lies in bed, etc., but they would all have a similar flavor (no pun here either!). Be on the lookout for your own stuck, sinking, anxious feeling and ask yourself what you were just telling yourself. Look for any shoulds/musts, etc., and if you find them, which you absolutely will, see if you can begin to simply say, “That’s all-or-nothing thinking. It’s what keeps me stuck. What is another way of thinking about or of approaching this situation that could also be a possibility?”
Play around with that and we’ll fill it out a bit more for you next week. And if you’re just joining this series of articles I urge you to head back to Step 1 and read it and Step 2 before you explore this piece. It’ll only take a few minutes and will make this process much more successful for you.
Have a fabulous week!
Love
Whether you prefer one-on-one counselling (in-person, by phone, or email), our intensive and transformative workshops, the self-help approach with the book, or our Food is Not the Problem Online Membership Program, take action today to have a stress-free relationship with food. Sign up for our free newsletter today (see the left top side of your screen). Newsletter subscribers receive exclusive product discounts and are first in line to get on all the latest new at CEDRIC.
© Michelle Morand, 2010
Tags: all-or-nothing thinking, anorexia, anxiety, binge eating, body image, body/mind/spirit, CEDRIC Centre, compulsive eating, core beliefs, drill sergeant, eating disorders, insecurity, recovery, self care, self esteem, self worth
Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Complete Recovery, Relationship with Self
Well hullooooo out there! It’s week 2 of our Natural Eating series and about time we fully looked at natural eating defined. Last week, we explored the antithesis or maybe we could even say, “the nemesis” of Natural eating…..(insert ominous theme music here….): The Diet Mentality. This nasty way of thinking turns you against your body and against yourself, and sets you on a vicious cycle of diminished self-esteem and increased self-harm and loathing. It’s got to go people!! But if you’re reading this then you’re already on it!
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