Have you ever wondered why you, or some of the people you care about, seem to feel compelled to do things that they say they don’t want to? Do you ever find yourself doing things like overeating, or calorie-counting/dieting, or drinking a bit too much, or spending a bit too much, or procrastinating on things, or isolating rather than socializing? Well if you’d like to finally understand what’s really going on behind the scenes (in your head!) to make you behave in ways you know aren’t good for you or that will ultimately cause you stress, read on.

In order for you to completely understand why you do what you do and what you can do to begin to think, and therefore, behave, differently, I’ve put together a kind of step-by-step flow of logic that will help your brain shift out of confused, stuck thinking and into rational, reasonable thoughts that will influence you to behave in ways that will enhance all aspects of your life. ’Cause, let’s face it, you know that some of the things you do aren’t the best choices, you may even have tried to stop or cut back or make some big lifestyle changes. But if you haven’t understood what’s really driving you to do those things in the first place, you can’t be successful for long, and instead will likely feel more stuck and hopeless rather than inspired and confident.

If you’re at all a believer in the concept that your thoughts create your reality, the following logic flow will help you to feel more solid and grounded in clear thinking. This means you will be confidently more present in the world and able to enjoy your food, drink, exercise, free time, and socializing more while being less likely to use any of those substances and behaviours to cope with stress or emotions such as anxiety, anger, insecurity or sadness.

The following is a list of basic premises you must accept in order to heal from any stressful patterns of thinking and behaving and live life to the fullest. I encourage you to read this over on a daily basis for a week and you’ll be amazed at the shifts that occur in your relationship with yourself and with others, with little or no effort on your part.

Continue reading “The Logic of Binging” »

This post is part of a series about Complete Recovery. If you’d like to read all of the blog posts in the series, see The Three Steps to Complete Recovery – 1, 2, 3, 3 1/2, Step 4, Step um, I dunno…, Step 5 and Step 6.

Step 7: The final steps in the 3rd core tool

For the past 8 weeks we’ve been exploring the 3 core tools you and anyone else on the planet needs to completely free yourself from a stressful relationship with food. This week marks the final installment of the sharing of the tools. What you now have is a very complete and functional toolkit to begin to handle any life experience without restricting, overeating or purging.

Below you’ll see I’ve posted the full handout for you but if you’ve been following along you’ll be familiar with all the steps up to and including step # 5.  I encourage you to experiment with this most valuable tool at least once a day for the next 2 weeks, whether you feel like you need it or not! J It will make a huge difference in all areas of your life and make this process move along very rapidly for you.

It is quite common for people to get hooked in all-or-nothing thinking as they’re working through this process. I have mentioned that at the end of the handout so you can be reminded to be on the look out for it. But I also want to say that if you are feeling at all resistant/procrastinating in regards to using these basic tools, it doesn’t mean you can’t do it or that they don’t work, it simply means that your learned helplessness has kicked in and you’re telling yourself those old harmful all-or-nothing stories about how you can’t do it, you’re not capable, it’s going to take too long or be too hard for you to be successful. Every single client I’ve ever had got stuck in those stories and every client was able to get free by reminding themselves that those thoughts weren’t true, they were only learned helplessness (see the first 2 articles in this series) and they could just step free.

It is also quite common for people to need a few sessions to integrate and fine-tune these tools for their own personal situations. Please take advantage of the fact that you’re almost there and let yourself reach out for some support if you’re at all confused or just procrastinating on using the tools. This process is simple, it doesn’t have to take a long time and you can be completely free of your stressful relationship with food forever. Just use your tools.

Love

List of Stressors Handout:

Note: This process needs to be written down the first few times, not done in your head. If you try to do it in your head, your Drill Sgt. and his all-or-nothing thinking will get in the way and you’ll end up feeling more stuck. When  you write out a list of stressors you will end the process feeling free and peaceful and will be able very soon to just do this process in your head automatically whenever you feel the slightest bit anxious – you won’t need to wait until you’re already overwhelmed and binging, purging or restricting to tune in and release yourself from the stress in your life.

1. Notice when you are engaged in any of the following coping strategies:

1. feeling that anxious (P.L.A.) feeling in your tummy; or
2. a sinking/depressed feeling; or
3. when you are restricting; or
4. thinking about binging or purging; or
5. you are in the middle of binging or purging; or
6. have just finished; or
7. hearing critical thoughts in your head; or
8. wanting to isolate; or
9. wanting to procrastinate; or
10. having a bad body thought; or
11. wanting to act out in anger (towards yourself or others).

These are all coping strategies. They are nothing in and of themselves. They are signposts and they exist to let you know one thing and one thing only: You have needs that aren’t being met. The proper response to noticing any of these cues is to take the following steps to seek to understand what needs have been triggered for you and what action you can take to meet that need in a way that enhances your self-esteem and all aspects of your life.

And, if trying to be mindful of them all seems a tad overwhelming (as it did to me when I was first learning this process), just pick one or two to be on the lookout for – it will be enough, I promise.

2. When you notice any of those thoughts, feelings or behaviours kicking in just acknowledge aloud:  “I am kicking in to using one of my coping strategies and that absolutely, no exceptions, means I’m in all-or-nothing thinking. Every time!”

3. Ask yourself: “Just prior to me feeling that sinking feeling or kicking in to the coping strategy of binging and purging, what just happened or what was I just thinking that might be stressing me out?”  Invite yourself to make a note of the first 3 things that come to mind.

If you’re drawing a blank or you are absolutely convinced that the only thing that’s stressing you out is food and/or your weight, trust me, it isn’t! And try this: Consider the Matrix – past, present, and future – not just what is apparent to you in this moment. Ask yourself: “What was I just thinking about from my past or what might I have just been imagining in my future that could have triggered stress for me?”
Write down your answers (these are your stressors). If you still struggle to find an answer (and you may as you’ve likely been disconnected from your emotions and thoughts for some time), try this: Write down all of the key roles you have in your life (daughter, partner, individual, professional, volunteer, student, etc.) and identify the things that you are or aren’t doing in those areas that you have judgement of (things you should/shouldn’t be doing).

Allow yourself to identify your stressors using the tools above and just write one or two words to name them. This should be point form, bullets, not sentences at this point. We’re just getting out on paper a simple list of all the topic headings that may be triggering unmet needs and leading you to use one of the coping strategies above.

4. Now, for each one of your stressors ask yourself: “What is the story that I’m telling myself about this?” Ie. What should/shouldn’t be happening? What should or shouldn’t I or others have done? Where should or shouldn’t I be? Etc. etc.

5. For each story/stressor, ask yourself is there any all-or-nothing thinking in this story? (ie. can I formulate that story as a “should” statement?). If you’re not sure, or if the story feels true, just add “and that means” to the end of each statement in #4 and see what comes up – is there any all-or-nothing thinking in that story? Circle or put a mark beside the stories that are all-or-nothing.

6. Now, for each all-or-nothing story, come up with at least 3 alternative stories. Ie. what else could happen? How else could things go?

7. Then ask yourself, are any of those alternative stories equally or more likely than the original all-or-nothing one?

8. If yes, could you allow yourself to let go of the harmful all-or-nothing story?

9. If the answer is “No” just ask yourself: “What am I telling myself will happen if I allow myself to let go of this story? And is there any all-or-nothing thinking in that?” Then take steps 6 – 8 again and see what happens. I’ll bet you feel much more relaxed and peaceful.

10. If you feel anything other than lighter and clearer after this process it means that you’ve just bought in to some more all-or-nothing thinking and you need to begin again at step 3.

This process may take 15 – 30 minutes or less the first few times and soon (literally after a few go-rounds) will take just a few minutes as you begin to be able to identify more readily what’s really triggering you, zero in on the one key stressor in the moment and easily identify your all-or-nothing thinking.

Remember it is the old all-or-nothing thinking and learned helplessness that prevents you from moving forward into complete freedom and lasting change. It isn’t these tools – they work every single time to help you identify and let go of any all-or-nothing thinking and to take immediate and respectful action towards meeting your needs, whatever they might be.

Each time you run through these simple steps it gets easier and easier, and you will need to do it less and less as you start to shift from a default all-or-nothing mindset to a more open, possibilities mindset. Usually, after you’ve done a handful of them on paper (or computer), it takes just a minute to complete the full exercise in your head and free yourself from the sinking feeling of stuckness (learned helplessness) and the use of food to cope.

Whether you prefer one-on-one counselling (in-person, by phone, or email), our intensive and transformative workshops, the self-help approach with the book, or our Food is Not the Problem Online Membership Program, take action today to have a stress-free relationship with food. Sign up for our free newsletter today (see the left top side of your screen). Newsletter subscribers receive exclusive product discounts and are first in line to get on all the latest new at CEDRIC.

© Michelle Morand, 2010

This post is part of a series about Complete Recovery. If you’d like to read all of the blog posts in the series, see The Three Steps to Complete Recovery – 1, 2, 3, 3 1/2, Step 4, Step um, I dunno…, and Step 5.

Step 6: More of the List of Stressors – Your simple key to freedom!

Hello All,

Continuing on with the theme from the past 6 weeks – here we go with more on the 3 core tools for complete and lasting recovery. My gift to you! I do hope you’re taking advantage of this opportunity to begin to explore these tools and see how they can benefit your life in all areas. If you’ve tried them once or twice and noticed subtle shifts, even for a moment, just imagine how profound those shifts will be once you have more familiarity and trust in these tools to alleviate any stressful thoughts and any need to use food to cope. If you can appreciate the power of these tools and want support to get “there” faster, just email or call and let us know – we’ll arrange a session for you or you can attend a workshop or join our web program. All are fabulous ways to create a life that is completely free from food and body image stress.

Last week I shared the first two steps and urged/encouraged/begged you to explore them before you went on to this week’s steps. I hope you did. But if not, just pick up with this week and if it feels like it’s not clicking, just let it be okay to go back to last week and do that for a day or two – it will suffice. Then come back to this week’s assignment and you’ll be good to go!

I’ve added the first steps that I shared with you last week here so you can see the flow of the process more clearly. So, if you’re savvy with the first 2 steps skip to 3, otherwise, take a mo’ and read them over before moving on – not a bad idea for us all to be repeatedly reminded of the basics.

So, encourage yourself to take 10 minutes each day to work down to step 5. Next week, I’ll share the last few steps with you and you’ll be good to go!  I really want to hear from you about your experience with these steps, particularly if you’re having a challenging time identifying the all-or-nothing in your thinking (stories). This is to be expected and is nothing at all to judge in yourself – we all struggle initially with separating the fact from the fiction, and that’s what I and my staff are here for.

List of Stressors Handout:

Note: This process needs to be written down the first few times, not done in your head. If you try to do it in your head your Drill Sgt. and his all- or- nothing thinking will get in the way and you’ll end up feeling more stuck. When  you write out a list of stressors you will end the process feeling free and peaceful and will be able very soon to just do this process in your head automatically whenever you feel the slightest bit anxious – you won’t need to wait until you’re already overwhelmed and binging, purging or restricting to tune in and release yourself from the stress in your life.

1. Notice when you are engaged in any of the following coping strategies:

1. feeling that anxious (P.L.A.) feeling in your tummy; or
2. a sinking/depressed feeling; or
3. when you are restricting; or
4. thinking about binging or purging; or
5. you are in the middle of binging or purging; or
6. have just finished; or
7. hearing critical thoughts in your head; or
8. wanting to isolate; or
9. wanting to procrastinate; or
10. having a bad body thought; or
11. wanting to act out in anger (towards yourself or others).

These are all coping strategies. They are nothing in and of themselves. They are signposts and they exist to let you know one thing and one thing only: You have needs that aren’t being met. The proper response to noticing any of these cues is to take the following steps to seek to understand what needs have been triggered for you and what action you can take to meet that need in a way that enhances your self-esteem and all aspects of your life.

And, if trying to be mindful of them all seems a tad overwhelming (as it did to me when I was first learning this process), just pick one or two to be on the lookout for – it will be enough, I promise.

2. When you notice any of those thoughts, feelings or behaviours kicking in just acknowledge aloud:  “I am kicking in to using one of my coping strategies and that absolutely, no exceptions, means I’m in all-or-nothing thinking. Every time!”

3. Ask yourself: “Just prior to me feeling that sinking feeling or kicking in to the coping strategy of binging and purging, what just happened or what was I just thinking that might be stressing me out?  Invite yourself to make a note of the first 3 things that come to mind.

If you’re drawing a blank or you are absolutely convinced that the only thing that’s stressing you out is food and/or your weight, trust me, it isn’t! And try this: Consider the Matrix – past, present, and future – not just what is apparent to you in this moment. Ask yourself : “What was I just thinking about from my past or what might I have just been imagining in my future that could have triggered stress for me?”

Write down your answers (these are your stressors). If you still struggle to find an answer (and you may as you’ve likely been disconnected from your emotions and thoughts for some time), try this: Write down all of the key roles you have in your life (daughter, partner, individual, professional, volunteer, student, etc.) and identify the things that you are or aren’t doing in those areas that you have judgement of (things you should/shouldn’t be doing).

Allow yourself to identify your stressors using the tools above and just write one or two words to name them. This should be point form, bullets, not sentences at this point. We’re just getting out on paper a simple list of all the topic headings that may be triggering unmet needs and leading you to use one of the coping strategies above.

4. Now, for each one of your stressors ask yourself: “What is the story that I’m telling myself about this?” Ie.What should/shouldn’t be happening? What should or shouldn’t I or others have done? Where should or shouldn’t I be? Etc. etc.

5. For each story/stressor ask yourself is there any all-or-nothing thinking in this story? (ie. can I formulate that story as a “should” statement?). If you’re not sure, or if the story feels true, just add “and that means” to the end of each statement in #4 and see what comes up – is there any all-or-nothing thinking in that story? Circle or put a mark beside the stories that are all-or-nothing.

Take some time each day with these steps, I urge you, and you’ll notice a big difference in your overall anxiety and your urgency to use food to cope.

Have a fabulous week!

Love

Whether you prefer one-on-one counselling (in-person, by phone, or email), our intensive and transformative workshops, the self-help approach with the book, or our Food is Not the Problem Online Membership Program, take action today to have a stress-free relationship with food. Sign up for our free newsletter today (see the left top side of your screen). Newsletter subscribers receive exclusive product discounts and are first in line to get on all the latest new at CEDRIC.

© Michelle Morand, 2010

This post is part of a series about Complete Recovery. If you’d like to read all of the blog posts in the series, see The Three Steps to Complete Recovery – 1, 2, 3, 3 1/2, Step 4, Step um, I dunno…

I figure we’ll just keeping going with the steps here and have fun with the new improved way to count to 3!

This week I’m going to share with you the first few steps in the 3^rd core tool: The List of Stressors. You’ve got the 4-7-8, you’ve got the Drill Sgt. dialogue, and now (after the next 2 or 3 weeks anyway) you’ll have the List of Stressors and all that will remain in your healing is some practice and fine-tuning and tweaking of these tools for your own personal experience.

The feedback on these series of articles has been amazing – thank you!!! I’m so glad you’re enjoying them and learning so much.  To cement your learning and create the greatest likelihood of success for you with these tools I am going to take the liberty of offering you the List of Stressors in 3 segments. I find that if you can have a week or so to practice with the first few steps and then add a few more it all makes so much sense, it doesn’t seem at all overwhelming, you don’t get triggered into learned helplessness or all-or-nothing thinking and you actually use the tool a few times! A few times is truly all it takes to begin to see major change in your head space, your emotions and your use of food to cope. It doesn’t have to be hard, remember? You just have to try.

When I’ve shared with you all of the steps over the next few weeks, I’ll post a full copy of the list of stressors handout for your to download so you can have it anywhere anytime. As always, feel free to share these tools with anyone anywhere, I just ask that you let them know where you got them. And feel free to forward the newsletter to as many people as you think would benefit from learning more about their own inner thought processes and their use of harmful coping strategies.

Okee dokee – let us begin!

The List of Stressors

Note: This process needs to be written down the first few times, not done in your head. Trust me. If you try to do it in your head, your Drill Sgt. and his all-or-nothing thinking will get in the way and you’ll end up feeling more stuck. When you write out a list of stressors, you will end the process feeling free and peaceful and will be able very soon to just do this process in your head automatically whenever you feel the slightest bit anxious – you won’t need to wait until you’re already overwhelmed and binging, purging or restricting to tune in and release yourself from the stress in your life.

For this week I encourage you to take the following steps towards complete and lasting freedom for eating disorders, dieting, and any other harmful coping strategy:

Notice when you are engaged in any of the following coping strategies:

1. feeling that anxious (P.L.A.) feeling in your tummy; or
2. a sinking/depressed feeling; or
3. when you are restricting; or
4. thinking about binging or purging; or
5. you are in the middle of binging or purging; or
6. have just finished; or
7. hearing critical thoughts in your head; or
8. wanting to isolate; or
9. wanting to procrastinate; or
10. having a bad body thought; or
11. wanting to act out in anger (towards yourself or others).

These are all coping strategies. They are nothing in and of themselves. They are signposts, and they exist to let you know one thing and one thing only: You have needs that aren’t being met.

The proper response to noticing any of these cues is to take the following steps to seek to understand what needs have been triggered for you and what action you can take to meet that need in a way that enhances your self-esteem and all aspects of your life.

(And, if trying to be mindful of them all seems a tad overwhelming (as it did to me when I was first learning this process), just pick the one or two that you think will be easiest for you to notice – it will be enough, I promise)

• Whenever you catch yourself doing, thinking or feeling any of these things, acknowledge aloud:  “I am kicking in to using one of my coping strategies and that absolutely, no exceptions, means I’m in all-or-nothing thinking. Every time!”

That’s it, that’s all for this week. I promise you if you keep trucking with your Drill Sgt. dialogue, your 4-7-8 (once or twice a day), and do these first 2 steps on the list of stressors, you’ll already notice a significant shift in your overall stress level and in your need for binging, purging, restricting, and any other harmful pattern.

Email with any questions or sharing about how you’re doing and we’ll add the next few steps next week. Practice these 2 steps to build a solid foundation for what is to follow. It will make a huge difference.

Have a great week.

Love

Whether you prefer one-on-one counselling (in-person, by phone, or email), our intensive and transformative workshops, the self-help approach with the book, or our Food is Not the Problem Online Membership Program, take action today to have a stress-free relationship with food. Sign up for our free newsletter today (see the left top side of your screen). Newsletter subscribers receive exclusive product discounts and are first in line to get on all the latest new at CEDRIC.

© Michelle Morand, 2010