- feeling that anxious (P.L.A.) feeling in your tummy; or
- a sinking/depressed feeling; or
- when you are restricting; or
- thinking about binging or purging; or
- you are in the middle of binging or purging; or
- have just finished; or
- hearing critical thoughts in your head; or
- wanting to isolate; or
- wanting to procrastinate; or
- having a bad body thought; or
- wanting to act out in anger (towards yourself or others).
Posts Tagged control
Latest HappeningsWell! Last week was lovely for me personally as my husband and son celebrated their birthdays at a family dinner. The 4-day weekend for Easter break was a very special treat for me as I rarely take that full weekend off. We enjoyed our standard Easter Sunday egg hunt with our dear friends and their children, this time we had the hunt outside and a fun treasure hunt inside. It was lovely to just hang out with my children and putter (a very rare opportunity!). Of course the puttering included a few games of laser tag for my son’s birthday, meal prep for the big dinner, and the usual laundry, dishes, rides for kids here and there, and the sorting out of smallish family issues. It was, upon reflection, a very busy weekend! Yet, I feel relaxed, peaceful and very content as I sit at my computer on Tuesday morning and prepare for my day. I think the trick to experiencing a state of peace most of the time is to become adept at recognizing the cues that tell you when you’re feeling not-peace. Cues like a little butterfly or a whole herd of buffalo in your tummy; a tight chest; holding your breath; tension in your shoulders and neck and/or jaw; focusing on food and body image either through overeating or restricting; a very busy mind that is either ruminating on a problem or jumping willy nilly from one thought to another are all indicators that you’re feeling unsettled/anxious and therefore, not peaceful. Once you recognize that you are doing any of the above and are therefore feeling unsettled, the practice of simply acknowledging that you’re not peaceful will bring you more into the present moment. This instantly creates a greater sense of peace and strength in you as you are more grounded in the here and now. And from this place it feels much safer and easier to simply check in about what might be creating the distress. My latest series of articles speaks more to this process, and this week’s article offers you a deeper and more specific education into the primary culprit within you; all-or-nothing thinking. As for goings on this week. Sarah continues her Monday night group with a great group of women. I’m excited for them and all of the learning that will come their way over the next 12 weeks.
Upcoming Victoria and Vancouver workshopsI’m busy preparing for our Vancouver Phase I workshop on the 23 – 25 of April (10 – 5 each day). It’s being held downtown at the private office of a colleague of mine, at a lovely character building on the corner of Granville and W. Hastings. If you are tired of food and body distress taking up more of your time than you’d like and robbing you of the quality of life you’d like to have, this event is the event for you. There is no reason to keep feeling stuck and like time’s a wastin’ when in 3 days you can “get” it and move on with a whole new perspective and a whole new set of tools to handle anything life brings your way. If you’d prefer a Victoria event we are offering our next Phase I in Victoria on May 14 – 16th.
Our Food is Not the Problem Online ProgramAlso, our amazing web-based program for complete recovery is being offered with absolutely no sign up fee this month. You can start your healing today for the simple monthly membership fee of $33.00! Current participants claim that the daily centering exercises alone are worth well over the full cost of the program but you get so much more than the brief daily meditations. Have a snoop and see all of the tools and resources that are available to you as a member of our innovative program. Email me if you have any questions, I’m happy to help.
Upcoming Events – Come and meet me in person!
- The weekend of April 30 – May 2 I’ll be at the Wellness Show at the Convention Centre at the Pan Pacific Hotel in downtown Vancouver.
- Saturday the 1st of May @ 5:45 pm I’ll be presenting a seminar called: Practical and Effective Tools for Overcoming Emotional, Psychological and Physical Barriers to Optimum Health.
- Sunday the 2nd @ 11:00 am I’m presenting a talk called: Food is Not the Problem: Deal With What Is! where I’ll outline the basics of complete recovery from any stressful connection with food and/or body image.
- What is your intention in speaking with the person about this issue?
- What are you trying to achieve in speaking with them about this issue? (often the same answer as above but not always)
- What do you want to get out of the conversation? Ie. What would you need to hear/share/experience in that conversation that would make you feel it had been a success?
- How do you want to feel when you leave the conversation?
- What do you need to say and how do you need to say it and what do you need to hear from them in order to feel that way when you leave the conversation?
- What kind of timeline would you want to place on the conclusion of the issue? Ie. How long can you comfortably wait for this person to follow through on what you’re asking for? You must communicate that key piece of information to this person and ask for their agreement on this timeline as well. This is key for both of you to have great clarity on how and when you will assess whether anything has changed; ie. whether your needs have been met and you can therefore let the issue drop completely, forever.
- Hinting about what you want;
- Making jokes;
- Using sarcasm;
- Talking to others in the loop about it, in the hopes that they will have “the” conversation or that at least it will get back to that person how you’re feeling and you won’t have to tell them yourself;
- Avoiding the person;
- Using body language like eye rolls or lack-of -eye contact, and crossed arms to let the person know you’re not a fan of something that they are doing;
- The silent treatment (simply ignoring them);
- Using a particular tone with them designed to get them to ask, “What’s up? Have I done something?” Depending on the issue, the tone may range from disappointed, to frustrated, to downright contemptuous.
- You are responsible for everyone else’s feelings and needs;
- You are needy if you have needs;
- You are only allowed to take care of yourself when everyone else is happy;
- If someone is at all unhappy or even has the potential to be at all unhappy it’s because you’ve done something bad or wrong and that makes you a bad person.
- You have a right to be treated with dignity and respect;
- You are not responsible for others feelings and needs, you are only responsible for your own;
- You have a responsibility, not just a right, to meet your own needs in all areas of your life;
- You are “allowed” to ask for what you need and that does not make you at all bad or wrong or “needy.” In fact, a healthy, interdependent relationship demands that you communicate clearly about what you feel and what you need;
- You have the tools you need to respectfully communicate to the other person involved what you need and how they can help meet that need if they are willing;
- You know, in your heart, that if someone is unwilling or resistant to meeting, or even acknowledging your need, it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you or your request, it only means that it doesn’t meet needs for them to meet your need;
- You trust yourself to get your need met. As such, you have the space within you and within “THE” conversation to ask questions and to really listen to the other person’s perspective. You trust that you will not be overrun by guilt, blame, shame or anger but that you will hold steady, with grace and dignity, and that ultimately, you will find a way to have your need met, even if that means, as a last-ditch effort, leaving the relationship.
- Always do your best
- Always be impeccable with your word
- Don’t take anything personally
- Don’t make assumptions