Posted by mmorand on March 31, 2009
You know, it’s been a long time since I binged. It’s been a long time since I even wanted to. I used to binge many times a day, and think about it constantly.
I was either planning a binge; binging; or feeling guilty for binging and trying to restrict myself, which very quickly led to me planning another binge and so on and so on and so on. This is what we refer to as the “diet-binge-guilt” cycle, and it used to be a 24/7 companion in my mind and in my life. Trying to fight off the urge to binge and trying to numb out to the guilt and shame I felt afterwards was a full time job. I don’t know how I managed to work and smile and look like I had it all together.
My nickname at work during those most horrendously out of control years was, if you can believe it… sunshine! Oh, if only my co-workers knew what went on inside my little noggin. It was exhausting being at work and having to appear happy and together when inside I felt so fat and gross and ugly and my clothes were too tight and I could hardly breathe (I wouldn’t let myself buy anything new because, of course, I was going to lose weight soon don’t you know!!). Not only that but I also had constant thoughts of what I should be eating fighting a serious but losing battle with thoughts of what I craved but “shouldn’t” have. Ah, yes, was it any wonder that by the time I returned home at the end of each day I felt so fatigued and so overwhelmed and so depressed that I binged just to soothe and numb out; damn the consequences of weight gain and certain drill sgt. verbal lashing. I needed food now!!
I’d deal with the consequences of that choice later.
Ah, yes, later. We who need to numb out to various circumstances in our lives love that word. It’s fabulous. Just listen to how it rolls off your tongue, later; lllllllllllater. It’s fantastic. I don’t have to do it; think it; be it; experience it now because, guess what? I can do it….later! Yesssss! But damn if there isn’t something of a major catch in that philosophy! Later never comes. Later never becomes now. We never grow up. We never learn to take responsibility for our now when we’re constantly putting off making honoring choices until later. We never learn how to identify and resolve our problems or stresses when we keep waiting for that elusive later to arrive.
You may not know how to take the steps to make the changes you want to make in your life to your restriction or overeating; your preoccupation with food and body image; your feelings of anxiety and depression. That’s where we at The CEDRIC Centre come in. All you need is a readiness for things to be different. If you’re desirous of change and you’re ready to manifest that change; if you’d like to stop waiting for later and begin to reclaim your life and start living in earnest now it’s definitely time to dig deep and reach out and let us support you to let your food focus go and become all you can be. (more…)
Tags: binge, diet, exhaustion, honoring oneself, overwhelmed, problems, procrastination
Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self, The Law of Attraction, Tips for Natural Eating
Hey out there in the CEDRIC community. How’s your day going so far?
As I write this, it’s beautifully sunny outside and warming up. Yay!!
My dear friend Mark is planning to come and visit from a far away warm and sunny place but he won’t come until it’s warm enough to wear shorts!!! Says he doesn’t even own a pair of long pants! Can you believe it!!?? So, I’m hoping the warm weather comes soon. I’ll let you know when he arrives as that’s a sure indicator that summer is here. Mark is a great spiritual teacher for me and I always learn so much about myself in his presence so no doubt I’ll have lots to share about my own personal process in the next few months.
I just wanted to check in with you ladies and gents and see how your inner feedback balancing was going. Who has taken up the challenge? How are you doing with it? (Don’t have a clue what I’m talking about? Check out this link and start to heal your negative self-talk and all or nothing thinking!)
If you haven’t started the exercise even though you read the article ask yourself “what’s creating the procrastination?”. Is it true that you don’t need to enhance your ability to allow authentic feedback on both sides of the equation (positive and “constructive”)? Is it true you don’t have time today to take 10 minutes to write out things you’re grateful for from your past/present and future? Is it true that you can’t begin to allow yourself the constructive feedback you feel is true while also offering yourself gentle reminders of what is working in your life?
Ask yourself what may be preventing you from taking this next step in your healing of your use of food to cope?
Chances are, it’s an all or nothing story that when brought to light is easily debunked! Don’t let those old bogus stories of how you don’t have time or how it won’t work for you. Don’t listen to the Drill Sergeant who says you need so much more help than this little tool can offer so there’s no point in doing anything. Don’t let these initial hazards stop you from taking the next step on your path to healing.
It’s the all or nothing thinking that keeps you stuck using food to cope. Don’t let that old harmful mindset be the thing that drives the show and prevents you from moving forward. Remember dear old Einstein said “The same mind that created the problem can not be used to solve it!” And don’t leave it up to your old all or nothing mindset to determine whether there is any point in you using a new tool to help you overcome your restriction or your binging or purging.
Let me know how it goes!
Love Michelle
