Examining The Origins of Your Diet Mentality ©
Posted in: 2012, Tips for Natural Eating
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For the next few weeks in my articles, I’m going to be exploring each of the key points of what we call ‘The Diet Mentality.’ Each week I’m going to briefly explore one key characteristic of this harmful way of thinking and offer you a suggestion of something you can do that week to begin to directly address this issue if it something that you recognize in yourself. For this week though we’re going to start with an exploration of where The Diet Mentality comes from and some background on diets in general: The Origin of Our Diet Mentality The Diet Mentality is a way of thinking that has been ingrained in us by messages we receive predominantly from our primary caregivers and our peers. These messages are then often reinforced and enhanced by teachers, coaches, advertisements and media messages, and from diet and exercise programs that we may have tried in the past or may currently be pursuing. It is easier to understand how we came to be where we are when we keep in mind that as children and adolescents, because we were limited by our brain’s inability to realize that not everything is about, or caused by, us, and because we had no other frame of reference than that of the family in which we were raised (and the community surrounding us), we had no contrast and therefore no ability to see clearly when our parents and peers, teachers and coaches were, themselves, confused in their thinking. We just believed that they were right and we followed blindly and innocently along. (For a more detailed article on brain development and its impact on our lives , and our relationship with food please see: http://www.cedriccentre.com/blog/lets-talk-about-your-brain/) (more…)
Why is it so hard to be honest??
Why is it so Hard to be Honest?
One of the hardest things for people to do, especially people who have received any co-dependent training, is to hold themselves to the core value of honesty. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Read on to find out why honesty is so challenging some times and what you can do to start feeling more confident in your ability to be honest with everyone, all the time.
The answer to the question ‘Why is it so hard to be honest’ is twofold:
1. We often (usually) don’t even know what we truly feel and want and need. We might know something doesn’t feel right or good or okay but we have our inner critic immediately judging our feelings and so we mistrust our emotions just as we mistrust our hunger and fullness cues.
2. We are scared crapless to piss people off! Let’s just admit it! We don’t want to upset anyone. We don’t want to be the bad guy. We don’t want anyone saying anything about us that isn’t nice and warm and fuzzy. And so we bail on ourselves.
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Setting Reasonable Goals
I’ll bet you know something about goal setting. I’d actually be willing to bet that you’re very good at setting yourself goals each and every day about what you’ll eat, what you won’t eat, when, how much exercise you’ll do, how much sleep you’ll get, whose call you’ll return and how much you’ll get done at work or around the house. Chances are, you’re really skilled at setting goals. But…how often do you actually follow through with them? How often do you get to the end of your day feeling peaceful and relaxed that you achieved what you had asked of yourself that day?
If, more often than not, you reflect on your day, and hear the Drill Sgt.’s critical voice in your head pointing out your shortcomings, it’s a good indication that you did not achieve the goals you set for yourself that day. Same goes for those of you who wake up in the morning to the Drill Sgt. telling you what you will and won’t do that day to make up for what you did/didn’t do the day before.
(more…)The Process of Lasting Change
Repeated patterns are a window to your needs and the process of lasting change will help you address those needs. For every pattern you repeat, for example: overeating, purging, or restriction, there is a need which is being met within you. Your inability to change the undesirable pattern has nothing to do with lack of willpower or discipline. The pattern is merely a symptom of a deeper problem. If you direct your efforts only at attempting to eliminate the symptom without putting effort into understanding and dissolving its cause, you are setting yourself up for a very fatiguing and defeating battle.
Understanding the Process of Lasting Change
Awareness is the first step in changing any behaviour. You must first become aware that you are doing something which is detrimental to your values and life plan. Resistance is often your immediate reaction to becoming aware of what you are doing and why. This makes perfect sense. You have lived your life with a certain set of behaviours and beliefs. Given this, change, even if desired on some level, often feels less like innovation and more like annihilation of your entire existence as you know it. You wonder what will be left of you, your relationships and the life you know, when you have made the changes necessary to free yourself of this debilitating behaviour. This really means: when you are fully aware of the underlying need that led you to execute this behaviour, will you still choose the people and things you have chosen thus far? From this perspective, change can look very scary and the outcome very lonely. This is why so many of us have to hit our own personal “rock bottom” before we are ready to challenge old, harmful patterns of thoughts and behaviours. You must reach a place where you say, “I don’t care what the outcome is. Just make it stop!”
Travelling with an Eating Disorder
Travelling with an Eating Disorder – Part I
Travelling with an Eating Disorder – Part II
Travelling with an Eating Disorder – Part III
Part I
Traveling with an eating disorder packs a triple whammy for the already beleaguered spirit in desperate need of true rest and relaxation. Whether you struggle with dieting, overeating, purging or a general dissatisfaction with your physical form that prevents you from settling peacefully into the moment, a vacation can be a stress-filled experience that makes you want to just stay at home instead with the covers pulled high.
In this 3-part article, I will not deal with the obvious stress of the obligatory attempts at dieting in anticipation of any vacation that requires the baring of any skin above the elbow or knee. That is a topic for another day. Instead, I will address the 3 key ways in which traveling can challenge the tenuous grip most disordered eaters have on their relationship with food and weight: limitations/abundance of choice; change in routine; and the emotional impact of traveling. As I explore each of these confounding circumstances I will provide you with some suggestions on how to approach them in the most simple and life-enhancing way so you can relax and enjoy your well-earned vacation.
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The Logic of Binging
Have you ever wondered why you, or some of the people you care about, seem to feel compelled to do things that they say they don’t want to? Do you ever find yourself doing things like overeating, or calorie-counting/dieting, or drinking a bit too much, or spending a bit too much, or procrastinating on things, or isolating rather than socializing? Well if you’d like to finally understand what’s really going on behind the scenes (in your head!) to make you behave in ways you know aren’t good for you or that will ultimately cause you stress, read on.
In order for you to completely understand why you do what you do and what you can do to begin to think, and therefore, behave, differently, I’ve put together a kind of step-by-step flow of logic that will help your brain shift out of confused, stuck thinking and into rational, reasonable thoughts that will influence you to behave in ways that will enhance all aspects of your life. ’Cause, let’s face it, you know that some of the things you do aren’t the best choices, you may even have tried to stop or cut back or make some big lifestyle changes. But if you haven’t understood what’s really driving you to do those things in the first place, you can’t be successful for long, and instead will likely feel more stuck and hopeless rather than inspired and confident.
If you’re at all a believer in the concept that your thoughts create your reality, the following logic flow will help you to feel more solid and grounded in clear thinking. This means you will be confidently more present in the world and able to enjoy your food, drink, exercise, free time, and socializing more while being less likely to use any of those substances and behaviours to cope with stress or emotions such as anxiety, anger, insecurity or sadness.
The following is a list of basic premises you must accept in order to heal from any stressful patterns of thinking and behaving and live life to the fullest. I encourage you to read this over on a daily basis for a week and you’ll be amazed at the shifts that occur in your relationship with yourself and with others, with little or no effort on your part.
(more…)Making sure your basic needs are met – Review
The only reason you ever use food to cope, no exceptions, is because you have needs (See Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Basic Needs Chart on the left) that aren’t being met in some area of your life and you’ve told yourself that you’re not allowed, not deserving, or just not capable of getting them met, no matter what you do. These stories you’re telling yourself lead you to feel depressed and anxious, lethargic and frantic, in other words, they overwhelm you.
And when you’re feeling overwhelmed about something you believe you can’t do anything to change or resolve, the only thing to do is to find a way to diminish or discount the impact of that thing: to numb out.
In comes your primary coping strategy.
Is it binging?
- Is it restricting calories, certain kinds of foods, or times of eating regardless of whether you’re hungry or not?
- Is it purging (through an hour or two of exercise, through laxatives, or vomiting)?
- Is it an attachment to a certain weight or way of looking?
- Is it drinking?
- What about drugs; shopping; gambling; the pursuit of that perfect relationship?
- Do you take responsibility for what others feel, or what others need?
- Do you procrastinate to cope with overwhelming things?
- Do you isolate yourself?
- Do you avoid certain people or places?
- Do you resist downtime?
- Do you resist going to bed at a reasonable hour?
- Are you a clean freak? Or just the opposite?
Body Image and Natural Eating Q & A
Q
… I loathe looking in the mirror, gross out at changing my clothes. Can’t stand being around people. Hate even being touched!
My eating disorder looms, waiting to pounce at any given moment. I think I’m calm but then the moment I walk in the door (usually after work), I binge on whatever I see even though I’m not hungry!!!
I have been trying ‘natural eating’ and hate it. Instead of having an easy & calm relationship with food, I spiral into extremes. Without food ‘rules’ I rebelliously indulge in foods just to prove that I am free. I end up eating food that makes my PLA rise to a 10 on my stress scale. I know my diet mentality is controlling me and I guess I just don’t believe I will be ‘slim’ eating this way.
I am unmotivated and depressed. I feel trapped inside my room looking out on everyone living life normally but I just cannot join in. Too scary!
I am back to the beginning again and wonder if I’ve made any progress at all!
Sorry to be such a downer. This has taken everything in me just to express this much. But I am drowning and have nowhere else to express it. The people closest to me don’t ‘get it’ and just want the nice me. Can’t give it to them and I feel horrible.
I’m supposed to be together right? I’m a mom and a wife and have a respectable job and even teach Sunday school…. but I just want to scream swear words at everyone, especially my Drill Sergeant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(more…)Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, newsletter, Tips for Natural Eating
Leave a Comment (3) →Stopping the Eating Disorder Triggers
For this week’s article I’m happy to respond to a question from a telephone client on the Eastern Seaboard about stopping eating disorder triggers. I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s relevant to anyone at any stage of the journey to complete freedom from food and body image stress, whether you have an eating disorder or just feel that food focus takes up more time and energy than you’d like.
Question:
“One minute after our talk, which I found extremely insightful as I always do, I walked out of office and into my cubicle to have my lunch. I had ordered egg salad on a wrap and fruit. I was ready to eat until full and, if I wanted, to finish rest later if I got hungry. I’ve really been working hard on trying to listen to my body cues.
(more…)Natural Eating
A snippet from the Food is Not the Problem web-based program.
This week I thought I’d share with you one of the weekly discussions/exercises from my new Web-Based Program. This discussion is on the topic of Natural Eating. I’ve attached a copy of the Natural Eating handout as well and encourage you to make use of it!
If this article resonates with you and you’d like to experience a life free from your stressful relationship with food, I hope you’ll consider joining our web program, attending a workshop or taking part in some one-on-one counselling. You don’t have to continue to feel stuck and ruled by food one more day.
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