Archive for Tips for Natural Eating
Posted by Cedric on February 24, 2009
Hello All!
We had such a great time at the Phase I workshop this weekend! I’m so glad to have had the opportunity to spend an intensive amount of time with a group of women who were so ready to move through their use of food to cope and to tackle the underlying triggers. It was a great treat for me and I want to extend a thank you to each of the participants for your sharing and support of each other.
I’d like to share with the rest of you some of the feedback from the participants of this past weekend workshop. If you’ve been to a Phase I before, then these insights are bound to bring back some memories! If you’ve never been, perhaps it will give you a sense of what you might achieve in joining me for our next Phase I workshop which will be held May 29 – 31, 2009 in Victoria.
So, read on and imagine the possibilities!
Love Michelle.
“I really appreciate hearing from others in a group setting. I got far more than I expected out of the workshop. I do not feel like there is anything missing. I have been given all the pieces to be effective and make lasting changes. Everyone was given what they needed and got lots of one on one time. I honestly couldn’t suggest one single thing that would have made the weekend here more complete and satisfying. I thank you from my heart that I had this opportunity.” (more…)
Posted by Cedric on February 14, 2009
Weekly, I take a couple of hours that I set aside specially, to peruse the internet to find sites that support the process of CEDRIC participants. I figure if its interesting to me, as I too, consider myself a 100% participant, it likely will resonate with some of our readers as well.
This week, I found a fabulous site that links databases around women’s alternative health. Especially interesting is the entire listing I found for guided imagery, or what I am accustomed to referring to as ‘guided meditations’, a wonderful tool for overcoming strife and tension. (That doesn’t involve food or exercise!)
‘Women’s Mind/Body Health’ is the link to resource this with another link on that page leading to where to access the books and tapes that one can benefit from by listening and reading more about it.
(more…)
Tags: back burner, eating disorders, exploring, growing, guided imagery, meditation, mindfulness, self esteem
Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self, Tips for Natural Eating, Uncategorized
Posted by mmorand on January 30, 2009
Michelle Morand
How’s it going, so far?
Remember that Einstein said “the same mind that created the problem can’t be used to solve it.”
What that means to me is that, regardless of how much I want to change something that’s bugging me about me or my life, if I don’t get some new information or learn some new tools, no matter how hard I try, I am going to find myself back in the same place that I started – only likely feeling a little more defeated and despairing. If you are still wondering how to create a peaceful and easy relationship with food, chances are you just need a bit of new information and a few new tools and you’ll be on your way.
You can identify yourself as someone who uses food to cope if any of these statements describe you often:
1. You’re wanting to eat and aren’t hungry;
2. You’re eating past the point of fullness;
3. and/or You’re aware you’re hungry but aren’t allowing yourself to eat because a. no one else is; b. it’s not a socially prescribed meal time; c. you’ve had your caloric allotment for this time / day; or d. the you think that pushing yourself to wait when you’re hungry is going to make you lose weight faster.
If any of the above statements describe you, you use food to cope. (more…)
Tags: body image, CEDRIC Centre, control, eating disorders, healing, help, life, new years, overeating, promises, recovery, resolutions
Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Tips for Natural Eating
Posted by Cedric on January 22, 2009
My kittens don’t have an eating problem. I give them food and they beg for anything they see me eating. No problem.
They are not affected by the world around them in the sense that we humans are. Every day we “walking upright” are inundated by messages that come at us from all sides leading us to need to be acceptable externally through our appearance. I don’t need to tell you what these messages are, everyone recognizes them, but hardly anyone admits how harmful the constant barrage of negativity is. I will use a few examples. Watching TV last night, I see a new angle is being used by marketers to sell oatmeal. ‘Weight control’ is what the large print on the box says. In smaller print, the word ‘oatmeal’ resides near it but the message is loud and clear. You are to start the day with your inequities (those extra pounds you’re packing) glaring you in the face from the very minute you open your cupboards. (more…)
Tags: body/mind/spirit, gain, glycemic index, HFCS, issues, overeating, undereating, weight loss
Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self, Tips for Natural Eating
Posted by Cedric on January 17, 2009
As I type, I breathe in the sweet aroma of the hyacinth blooming wickedly early in its pot on the edge of my desk. I put it there to remind me that winter is not capable of eternally putting its grip on me, that there is a light at the end of all this bundling up and hiding in our clothes to stay warm and soon, we too will have an opportunity to blossom and affect those around us with our own influence, just as the purple perfume of the hyacinth teases me now.
Mindfulness is not something that the hyacinth has to concern itself about but it is indeed necessary if we are to do the important work of evolving. Flowers merely have to exist and that is enough, and there is something Zenlike to be learned from that, but we humans are here for more complicated tasks and as we function on many levels in an automatic fashion, we must consider our fate, our future and the implications of our actions upon our lives and that of others.
When I am dealing with issues around my infernal weight gain, I wish I could be happy as a plump hyacinth in the field that cares not whether it is trim or not, but alas, being human, I have to own up to it and take responsibility for my actions. I HAVEN’T been fair to myself, I HAVEN’T been good to my physical body, I HAVE neglected to be mindful when it comes to my personal health. It has been at my expense that I have spent the past 22 years taking care of others and that is thankfully changing.
In my effort to evolve as a person taking up the space I was intended to, rather than my and two other people’s share, I have spent the past week being mindful of many things I usually let flow by the wayside. Premier in my attentiveness has been watching the labels of what I purchase to use as food for my home. I can see immediate responses as my body already reflects the lack of HFCS I used to flood my poor liver with. Not only do I sleep more soundly, I am noticing that I am much less stiff when moving from a sedentary position, that my back doesn’t ache when I walk like it used to, and that I am limber enough to put on my own socks!!! It’s a bloomin’ miracle!
Being mindful to me also means setting ones intentions to live with integrity, to attend to needs in sustainable ways, to care for others but not at the expense of myself. So here we are, facing the end of the second week of 2009. How have you altered your course to live more intentionally? Is your competence approaching unconsciousness yet? Mine hasn’t but I feel like I’m well on my way.
As January streaks by, I take time to ponder what I expect of the year. Last year I accomplished much in the way of moving mountains, but this year is going to be even more magical, methinks. In the meantime, I am taking time to get my trajectory on a path that will lead me to being happier inside and out. My last blog article mentioned Time Management, and I wanted to talk about that a wee bit today as I found that the zen of preparing my veggies for the week is going to be a crucial step towards my finding that balance. As I acquired my groceries for the week, in the outside aisles of the supermarket were where I shopped, I took home a plethora of veggies and instead of mindlessly tossing them into the veggie cooler in the fridge, I laid them out to wash. The organic peppers, carrots, broccoli and cauliflower were a colourful delight on my cutting board and I found myself daydreaming about the future as I took care to prepare all the veggies I brought home, in one fell swoop.
The rainbow of peppers, and all the other veggies were chopped into small pieces or spears and placed in containers that I stacked in the fridge. It took me an hour to cut them all, but the prep is done now, nothing left but the glory of devouring the delicious little morsels. Not only that, but as I prepare my subsequent meals, its lovely to be able to reach into those prepared veggie containers and grab a handful of this and that to add to the curry or whatever I’m creating. As I cut for that hour, I was mindful of my home’s sanctity, of the peace within, of the happiness and innocence of my kittens, and of how fortunate I am to be in a place in my life where there is so much harmony. I set my sights then, on attaining everything I need for the year, and of course, part of that is to slim down naturally, without denying myself overly much, WITHOUT dieting. In a way, its as if an hour’s blessing has infused these veggies with the sweet peace I need to bravely face all the new adventures coming down the road at me. Timeliness… mindfulness… its all part and parcel of developing that nebulous competence muscle that I’m learning to get much better at utilizing. Can Unconscious competence be far off?
Now, every day before I bound off to whatever endeavour I am party to, I stuff a little tupperware container with about three cups of fresh chopped veggies into my voluminous handbag or backpack. Instead of caving to the cravings that the old Tina (Chris) used to give in to, I have an abundance of tastes all ready to placate myself with, where I don’t feel denied and I don’t feel like I’ve drugged myself with the horrible effects of fast food and wannabe sugar snacks.
I’m feeling better already!
So, tell me, what is your ponderance when it comes to mindfulness?
Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.
Posted by Cedric on January 8, 2009
I’m reading Tips for Natural Eating 1- Michelle’s blog entry regarding the tendency for people who have issues around food to override their natural responses and who feel hunger when their body isn’t who is directing the signal, but their mind. This led me to the topic for this blog edition, as I am currently going through a series of explorations with my diet to see what it is that is making my edema kick in, as I have ankle and foot swelling episodes that generally follow recent jumps off the wagon of my eating healthy.
In light of our previous mention of the Drill Sergeant influencing control over our common sense, I’ve pretty much stifled that and yet, I am still dealing with weight gain. As a way of remaining pro-active during this confusion, I am avidly researching anything that has to do with food, cravings, incomplete digestion etc. I have been continuously perplexed because as a rule, I eat healthy. In my deductive process, I have been to western doctors who tell me that my weight gain is to be expected. It is the relative outcome to the amount of calories that I take in, doh! At the same time, I have a great rapport with an eastern medicine doctor who gives me roots to simmer and make tea out of, which improves my liver function as he’s identified that my liver is working much harder than it should.
With my recent discovery of sugar additives becoming more prevalent in our food, this is all starting to make more sense.
Remember that I am a shrewd shopper who rarely if ever brings home snacks, baked goods, candy, pop or other such groceries that I deem pretty useless. Although my life is sedentary at present, I’m not taking in that much, however, I HAVE been caving to cravings around caramel, jelly candies, gummy bears and worms and have been known to occaisionally down the entire Costco container of them. A decade ago, the International Delight creamer additives led my weight to skyrocket 30 lbs in a single summer. I cut that out based simply on my realizing it was the contributor to my gain, but still I crave Macdonald’s coffee and Tim Horton’s Ice Caps. I cave to the craving now and then and almost instantly rue the decision as my shoes begin to tighten on my size 12 feet.
Recently, I discovered an article online that warns about the dangers of ingesting High Fructose Corn Syrup or HFCS. There is a current flood of information in the dieting scene regarding this substance that has been added to our food by agribusiness as a sweetener since the 1970’s that digests in a particular way that leads the body to send the wrong messages to the brain regarding hunger responses.
Corn and its byproducts is an enormous billion dollar agribusiness that claims to have a solution to world fuel shortages and has contributed to the demise of the sugar cane and beet industry. As corn is produced en masse at the expense of other crops, that which isn’t converted into ethanol for fuel, becomes disposable. A Japanese scientist in 1970 discovered that if you take that remaining corn, attach a fungus to it, then stir in a bacteria and let ferment, the resultant goo becomes a high fructose corn syrup concentrate that is easy to add to regular corn syrup, it is an inexpensive additive, making the corn syrup stretch a lot further and also doing several things as a result.
One result is that by adding High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS) to corn syrup and then that corn syrup to anything, the final product has an extended shelf life, like margarine, which is only one molecule removed from plastic. The HFCS food product becomes suspended in a state that no longer has the same decomposition tendencies. This makes digesting this product a challenge for the human body however. Not only does HFCS make things hard to digest, but the liver becomes overworked in the doing of it, where sugars in our body create insulin, HFCS does no such thing. At the same time, tests done recently have shown that continued digestion of HFCS sends false messages to the brain that indicate hunger is present and to add to the evil, those cravings become specific for products that contain… you guessed it, more HFCS.
I am beginning to suspect that my errant consumption of HFCS foods is contributing to my weight gain, combined with other factors, such as menopausal body, sedentary lifestyle, access to more food. When I started to become aware of the prevalence of HFCS in our food, it was natural to start looking at ingredients of foods and it was harder, to my amazement, to find food that DIDN’T have it than it was to find foods that did. It is labeled in many different ways and there is no consistent vernacular for it. I suspect the food industry disguises it by not addressing it in its easily recognizable initials. HFCS is present on the label if its posted as ‘liquid sugar’, corn syrup, fructose, glucose as well as corn sugars. That’s not to say all corn syrup has HFCS, but how does one know and wouldn’t it be prudent to conclude that by eliminating all corn syrups, one lowers the risk of exposure to HFCS?
Also, the use of this sugar additive is not new, imagine that you have been ingesting HFCS in greater and greater quantities since 1970. For some of us, that’s our whole lives!
Canada produces less HFCS and uses less as a result. Europe is vigilant against it and baby food companies avoid it in their baby food, but use it in their juices for adults. What message does that send you?
I’m beginning to narrow down all the foods that contain HFCS and as strong as my cravings make me yearn for them, my common sense is able to override those pangs because that stuff is contributing to my overall health demise and it’s going to STOP!
This is why, in a sense, I am at a place in my life that is so readily able to work with Michelle, and synchronistically at a time when I NEED to become more proactive about the borderline obese physical state we find me at, as I post this.
So not only do we have to be vigilant about how often our body hits us with messages of hunger, and if it is a physical or emotional hunger, we also must be aware of the things that we ingest which offer up more confusion in that end. Imagine not knowing the most pertinent information that any product with HFCS in it will send us messages to eat when we’re not hungry, and not only that, but to crave a product that will provide our addicted bodies more of the dreaded HFCS it craves. Articles I’ve read online, and I will add the urls to several after this blog, have also stated that to eliminate this scourge to our wellbeing from our diets, we are to expect the body to retaliate as withdrawal symptoms ranging from severe headaches and dizziness, nausea and intense cravings can result.
HFCS has been introduced to almost everything we eat as a way for the product manufacturers to cut costs on sweetening agents and still claim the sweetener to be ‘natural’ or 100% original. Law suits have drawn attention to the mislabeling involved, causing large food corporations to change the semantics on their labels from stating they are 100% organic, to state similar things that are just as easily confused with wholesome foods. I don’t know how ‘natural’ it is, when I looked at the aerial photos of industrial plants provided in one article, that are 5 square miles of pipes and buildings which is apparently what it takes to turn corn into HFCS with the bacteria and fungal additions.
By becoming vigilant in our desire to heal from issues contributing to tendencies to use food inappropriately, we must also be consciously critical thinkers when it comes to WHAT kind of foods we are permitting into the sacred temples that are our bodies as well as how much and how often.
Hard to quell a food obsession by coping with it, with the resultant vigilance bordering on food paranoia thanks to the development of Big Brother food supplier agendas, isn’t it? Don’t even get me started on the genetically modified corns that those Big Brother consortiums are imposing on the world farming industry.
What can we do as the ‘little people’?
The best suggestion of all the articles I read on the perils of ingesting HFCS, stick to the outside aisles of the supermarket. Organic vegetables and fruits grown relatively locally (to avoid the pesticides and slack regulations of Mexican and Chinese providers), breads that are baked locally from actual sugar and not corn sugars, nuts, seeds and grains that will swell or germinate if given half a chance and meats that are not modified with additives, preferably organic. Fruit drinks that claim to be healthy are big culprits of adding HFCS, including Gatorade. As are ice creams that I used to think were the better brands, and every other canned or processed food item. Mayo, salad dressings, Ketchup, 7 up… its across the board.
Do research online on products and become more pro-active by emailing companies and informing them that you think their decision to sweeten their product with HFCS is in poor regard for their customer base.
One step at a time… one label at a time. Just don’t be a sheeple around what you eat. Know that what we are eating is not nourishing us if its killing us. And THEN watch your urges towards Hunger, as Michelle suggests, in Natural Eating 1. Pick up where Michelle guides you to suggestions of carrying almonds as a test to asses s just how often you respond to the craving and reach for food.
URLS of interest: Pro and Con articles on High Fructose Corn Syrup
From Green Magazine: High Fructose Corn Syrup – A Not So Sweet Surprise – Get the rest of the facts! Click here.
From the Washington Post: High Fructose Corn Syrup: Not so sweet for the planet. Click here.
For an intriguing article accompanied by photos of big industry related to the corn industry from the website SPROL: Click here.
From ‘In the kitchen with Mother Linda’ found online at: Click here.
Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.
Posted by Cedric on December 31, 2008
The holidays are behind us and now we can get on with life without the distractions of shopping, preparing food or taking care of others. As we swing into the new year, the Blog is about to swing into a new way of presenting information.
I would like to introduce myself. My name is Tina Budeweit-Weeks, as Michelle’s executive assistant and a professional foodie, I am the perfect person to steward a new segment of the blog that we are tentatively calling the Cedric Forum. I propose that as I grow and heal with my own personal journey from mindlessness to a more intentional state around food, I share my responses and comments that arise when reading Michelle’s input and your insights.
Each week I will deal with different themes such as presented by the different chapters in the workbooks and Michelle’s book, ‘Food is not the problem’, and I invite you to contribute to what we intend to be an ongoing conversation. There is strength in numbers and together we can turn our lives and our way of thinking around to promote a rapid restoration for healing.
Here is a bit of a bio to get you up to speed.
At 6 feet tall and with scales toppling in at close to the nightmare 300 lb mark, I am a 52 year old woman in the midst of many positive changes. After 5 years of post secondary education, this year was a milestone as I attained a Bachelor’s degree, and after 23 years of raising my children, I am now enjoying the relative silence of an empty nest as of this past summer. Newly educated and emancipated from the restrictive roles of motherhood, I am also just exiting that wonderful time of post menopause which means that my body has become more prone to being sedentary, and I am thickening around the middle. As my height makes weight gains seem almost invisible until I’ve put on 30 lbs., and with my aversion to using scales, I’ve managed to become larger than I ever dared believe and its definitely time to do something about that. There is more to the story as this year, a close friend stepped up to the plate and I have become a very well-loved partner/spouse, a far cry from my years as a single parent. I know this all sounds like good news, however, with all the freedom and nurturing, dinners out and wonderful, unrestricted grocery shopping sprees, I’m also being fed better than I ever was, which is exacerbating the problem of my weight increasing.
Enter Michelle, who responded to my ad for employment in September. What a wonderful bit of synchronicity to discover that my innovative and brilliant new employer runs the CEDRIC centre! Just as I was trying to manifest a plan for my new life that includes being more active and cooking for two instead of many, the tenets that Michelle teaches through her counselling, workbooks and publication address exactly what I need. That is, a body-honouring way of bringing my excess weight gain to a halt, turning it around and minimizing my girth so that I take up less space. I’m tired of not fitting in normal chairs, of suffering in plane seats, of seeking benches when ‘normal’ people have no trouble with available seating. All I really want is to able to fit into normal clothes and to be able to seat myself in normal furniture without the constant reminder of what it is to be a Gulliver in a Lilliputian world.
So, join me as I begin the process of learning to change my core beliefs, of silencing that infernal internal Drill Sergeant, and of eating naturally, and I will not only blog my developments, but also, share my ups and downs, my successes, challenges and plateaus so that you feel supported on your own journey to rebalanced wellness. Together, we shall overcome! The time is right and all is as it should be. Its time for us to be moving towards a fitter, healthier future.
Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.
Posted by mmorand on March 24, 2008
Hello All!
I received this great follow up sharing and question in response to my answer to K’s question about meeting our needs for connection. I am sure you can relate.
Read on to see what I had to say.
“Michelle, what you’ve said makes sense, and I am aware that I use food as a coping strategy to deal with painful emotions. However, one of my painful emotions is the sense that I’m all alone, and that I can’t cope (feeling overwhelmed and panicky). I usually don’t have difficulty knowing what I am feeling, but to know what the need is, and then to meet the need…that part I don’t seem able to do. E.g. The feeling of being alone, the need to be connected with others emotionally/share life with friends = I don’t take steps to meet that need. I don’t reach out and build relationships, even though I definitely have the skills to do that. Why? That’s the part I’m stuck on.”
Hey K, before I can answer your question I need to ask another one – when you say “I’m all alone and I can’t cope” – what do you mean exactly – can’t cope with what?
“It’s the feeling deep inside that I can’t cope with all the pain inside. It feels like there is a ROARING amount of pain inside me that is ready to wash over me at any moment; that I will be flooded by it. That I can’t bear to be conscious b/c I will be overcome by pain. If I try not to use food to cope, I feel ABSOLUTELY overwhelmed and panicky. Panicky, I think, b/c the pain starts coming up and is unbearable (times I’ve tried to ‘sit with’ it have resulted in suicide attempts, sleeping pill abuse, cutting, etc; which is not good b/c I’ve now probably “proven” to my internal self that I really can’t cope with it), as is the feeling alone. It just overwhelms me.
Re: the feeling all alone. It’s both the physical fact of being alone (no friends/supportive family). But it is more a feeling of abandonment/aloneness in the world. Being alone feels awful for that reason, yet being with people often feels just as bad (feel unheard/uncared for/used).Basically, nothing feels good emotionally for me. Using food to cope feels bad (loss of control, physical effects, loss of self-esteem), but not using food to cope feels unbearable (awareness of emotional pain/aloneness). Being alone feels awful, but being with people feels too painful.
I’ve got myself painted into a corner.”K
Thank you K. I am grateful to you for being willing to allow me to share this question and my response with others.
Your response to my question reminds me of me in the early stages of my healing journey. It was hard for me to imagine that the answer was as simple as it was and I kept trying to make each and every situation unique and therefore, requiring a different approach. This only served to make me feel anxious, overwhelmed, stuck and frustrated. Once I began to realize that the solution truly is much simpler than I had been imagining, and allowed myself to let go of needing it to be difficult, things began to flow quite smoothly – except when I forgot the solution and tried to make a situation difficult or unique yet again.
Food Coping and Being Alone With Unbearable Pain
Your question above can be broken down into the following statements.
- I’m all alone.
- I can’t cope with all the pain inside.
- I don’t know what the need is.
- I don’t know how to meet my need(s).
- I don’t know why I don’t reach out and build relationships.
- It feels like there is a ROARING amount of pain inside me that is ready to wash over me at any moment.I will be flooded by it.
- I can’t bear to be conscious b/c I will be overcome by pain.
- If I try not to use food to cope, I feel ABSOLUTELY overwhelmed and panicky.
- The feeling of being alone overwhelms me.
- I am alone in the world.
- When I’m with others I am unheard/uncared for/used.
- Nothing feels good emotionally for me.
- Using food to cope means I have no control.
- Not using food to cope is unbearable.
- I can’t tolerate the awareness of my emotional pain/aloneness.
- Being alone feels awful, but being with people feels too painful.
- I’ve got myself painted into a corner.
Each of the key statements above is a story. There are parts in which it is clear you know it’s your story in that you use quotation marks around certain words to indicate that it’s an exaggerated statement or perhaps not true and yet you’re mind is attached to that story and can’t let go. This is a step in the right direction – to be able to identify the flaw in your thinking – even if you don’t know yet how to change it.
So, for each of the stories above ask yourself the following questions:
- Is there any all or nothing thinking in that story?
- What are some other possibilities? (come up with at least 3)
- Do any of those alternative possibilities seem equally or more likely than the first, all or nothing, one?
- What would you like to see happen?
- What needs to happen in order for you to feel peaceful?
Your mind will naturally and freely attach to one of the alternative possibilities once you reveal to yourself that you’re in all or nothing thinking and that it isn’t serving you.
Let’s work a few examples:
I am all alone.
-
- Any all or nothing thinking? Are you truly all alone or are there people in your life you could connect with or have a deeper relationship with if you felt more competent, capable and safe to do so?
- Other possibilities? I am not all alone; I could have deeper connections with so and so if I just put some effort in; I have people on the periphery of my life that I’d like to know better if I just felt more confident and secure in myself; There are people who would like to spend time with me I just don’t feel safe doing that right now or feel deserving of that right now.
- Any of those possibilities feel better or more likely than the original (I’m all alone) one? Yes! All of them!
What you’ve just discovered in doing this is that there are stories beneath the original story that are stopping you from moving forward. Stories like: I am not safe; I can’t trust anyone; I can’t trust myself; People don’t like me; I am undeserving of friendship and healthy relationships; I am incapable of creating healthy and safe relationships; and so on.
For each one of those underlying stories that you reveal and process with the all or nothing process you will feel freer and freer to just be as you are in the moment and trust that you are a beautiful person of worth who deserves peace and love and joy at all times and is capable of creating that for herself and honoring herself first and foremost at all times.
Let’s try another example:
I can’t cope with all the pain inside.
-
- Any all or nothing thinking? Yes! I am coping with all the pain inside – I’m going to work – doing my thing – using food – I’ve found a way to cope so clearly I can and that statement is all or nothing and keeps me shut down and not only not looking for a life enhancing solution, it prevents me from seeing how I am clearly coping now (even if I’d rather cope in a different way it is not true that I’m not coping).
- Other possibilities? I can cope with all the pain inside; I don’t have to feel it all at once – I can cope with some consciously and some with food until I feel able to move through it all and be done with it; I can find some life enhancing coping strategies to use while I’m starting to invite myself to be more conscious and therefore use food a little less because I can do things like journal, meditate, walk, read, etc. sometimes when I feel able to do that instead of eat (ie. when the intensity of the emotions is less) and sometimes I will let myself use food to cope with my feelings and then when I can I will use my new tools.
- Any of those seem more likely than the original all or nothing: I can’t cope!? Yes, all of them!
As you use this tool and reveal the all or nothing thinking that is alive in you you will immediately feel a sense of release. It may be replaced by another all or nothing thought about how it won’t work for other things or how this was a fluke or how much work it’s going to be etc. etc. etc.
Let me tell you something. Many of my clients are moving through the bulk of their healing around using food to cope in just a few months or less. This isn’t “hard” work. It’s not about battling it out with yourself and others for the rest of your life. It’s about learning a new way of being; your natural state of being and simply noticing when you’re not in your natural state of being and bringing yourself back, gently, lovingly, to reality.
If you’re starting to go into resistance and tell yourself that can’t be true for you – ask yourself: Is there any all or nothing thinking in that story?
Yes! Just because you’ve been told, or you’ve chosen to believe that this pattern will take forever to change, or that it’s “who you are”, doesn’t make that true and you don’t have to continue to believe it – just reveal the all or nothing thinking to yourself and come up with other possibilities and prove to yourself that you are safe, you are free – except when you tell yourself you’re not.
I encourage you all to feel free to email me questions about this or any stories that you feel stuck on.
Once you get through the all or nothing stories you can identify what is reality – what is true in your life ie. I don’t have many close friendships because I have a hard time setting boundaries and it doesn’t feel safe to invite people into my life because I fear they’ll overrun me and I’ll end up feeling worse.
Now, there’s still some all or nothing in that story – and, you’re much closer to figuring out where your energy really needs to go! First into enhancing your self-esteem so you know you’re deserving of what you want and need. This means you feel entitled to set boundaries and you openly and easily challenge people who violate your boundaries. It also means that you’re going to be drawing into your life people who are healthy, confident, secure people who will not intentionally violate your needs or boundaries and will hear you with respect and love when you ask them to do something differently if it makes you feel unsafe or disrespected. That’s where you’re headed. And with the all or nothing thinking running rampant you’re stuck on the surface focusing on all the thoughts and feelings and behaviours that are just coping strategies and not at all on the underlying needs of safety and security within yourself and within relationships with others.
Give this a try any time you’re feeling stuck, resistant, or hearing yourself say any of the above statements or feeling anxious or using food to cope (those are all your primary coping strategies). You’ll feel a shift immediately and be able to identify what you really need in that moment (ie. safety, love, ) and then you can start to explore how to give that to yourself.
Love M.
And, if you want to learn more about this process and experience recovery from using food to cope, consider picking up a copy of my book (http://www.cedriccentre.com/books) or joining our new web program (http://www.cedriccentre.com/ )! You deserve to be free and it’s much easier than you imagine.
Posted by mmorand on March 18, 2008
Here’s a great example of one client’s core beliefs exercise from page 191 of Food is not the Problem: Deal With What Is! May it inspire you to look within and identify and release your own core beliefs and move freely forward!
Michelle
Eating Disorder Core Beliefs
How to Explore them:
1. When I am being self-critical the DS says I am: fat, ugly, obnoxious, tactless, graceless, have a big ugly nose, ugly teeth, quitter, unlovable, bad, undesirable, people don’t want me around, unworthy, not enough2. Names the DS uses when I am angry and frustrated: idiot, loser, fat, lazy, ugly, disgusting, and repulsive (how sad!!!)
3. Names others used when angry and disappointed: ridiculous, a pill, a piss ant, a twit, missy, moody (these are all my mom), pushy (my Husband)
4. Messages I received about myself: bad, annoying, unwanted, irritating, ugly, flawed, bossy, unlikable, don’t want me around, life would be perfect if I wasn’t part of the family. “I am bad, ugly, unwanted, annoying, not good, enough, unacceptable, not worthy of love or kindles or tender affection, wrong”
These all boiled down to some form of bad, ugly and unwanted
5. What is important about not being bad, ugly, unwanted?
BAD: it is unchangeable and an internal part of me > I’ll be alone because no one will want to be around me > I am not good/strong/capable enough to take care of myself so I need others > since/if I am ‘bad’ I will not have anyone (myself or others) to take care of me.
Feeling: scared, insecure Need: security, acceptance, nurturing
UGLY: people will be repelled from me > I need people (presence, support, approval) in order to feel/be “ok” > I won’t be “ok” (loved)
Feeling: ashamed, sad/despair, insecure Need: belonging, acceptance, affection
UNWANTED: I will never be connected to others > I won’t get love > I need love to exist > I will die
Feeling: despair. sad, scared, desperate, alone Need: security, intimacy, acceptance, joy and playfulness, nurturing
The unwanted held the most weight with me though interesting I can clearly see behaviors I do to avoid bad and ugly the behaviors to avoid ‘unwanted’ are a bit more undercover.
After reading my answers I was filled with ah… empathy and compassion for myself and journaled to myself from the voice of a nurturing loving parent. It was very comforting and encouraging. I then felt this strength which was the core of who I was that felt wise and strong and safe and really far above the ‘story’.
It was a great feeling.. it was my authentic self and she is so strong and capable!
Posted by mmorand on March 8, 2008
Is Food a Coping Strategy For You? This week I’m sharing a question that came to me through e-mail about why we might not reach out and create relationships even when we’re feeling lonely.
Hi Michelle,Thanks for sending your book, and also for the CD. I’ve read about 2/3 of it, and I am VERY impressed. I’ve always clicked with the Geneen Roth/Hirschman & Munter approach, and it has helped me in the past, but I’ve gotten stuck in certain areas, and I find your book expands on this approach and also gives such a point-by-point roadmap.
I’d also like to say what a positive experience it has been the little amount of contact I’ve had with you and perusing your website. I’ve made the circuit as far as e.d. treatment goes (St. Paul’s, individual counseling, VGH intensive program) and you convey such a warmth and non-clinical/non-patronizing manner. It’s very refreshing, and makes me feel hopeful.One question that I’d be interested in your thoughts/feedback on, is with regard to unmet needs. I would say my #1 unmet need is for connection/companionship. I have no friends in my town (and only 2 friends farther way; 1 I see every couple months). And my family is not supportive/doesn’t “give” emotionally in any way.
So, basically, aside from co-workers, I am completely isolated. And yet, I don’t actually do the things I know would bring me in contact with other people and potential friends (e.g. joining a hiking club, book club, adult ed class, volunteering, etc). Sometimes I’ll push myself to do these things once, but then won’t follow through b/c I get discouraged, or don’t like it, or find it takes too much energy.
I know that sometimes I don’t want to go b/c it means less time for bingeing /purging, but that’s not always the reason. I think it’s mainly a sense of hopelessness/defeat at attempting to build new friendships. Plus, to make a good new friend takes time. So, would you say that this issue is an issue for therapy (i.e. why I don’t do what I know would result in making new connections)? Or, am I missing something? And, in the meantime, how can I learn to soothe/comfort myself with the sense of isolation? There’s not many substitutes for other human beings, even when you’re ok with alone time sometimes.Curious as to your thoughts, if you have the time to respond.K.
Thank you K, for the question.Just to paraphrase, it seems that you’d like to have life that has more friends and social connections in your town and yet you see yourself behaving in such a way that undermines the creation of those friendships. Your immediate thought, it seems, is that it has something to do with wanting to be able to be alone to engage in your binging and purging behaviour but I think you’ve missed the mark. The binging and purging is just a coping strategy. I don’t believe that you want to be alone to binge and purge, I believe that you feel overwhelmed and unsafe in some aspect of your life and you use binging and purging to numb and distract you from that underlying issue. Sometimes, early on in our healing it’s very difficult to see the distinction. But, the difference between believing food is the problem, and knowing that it’s just a coping strategy is huge! When we’re buying in to the belief that food is the problem we are stuck. There is no where to go with that except to control (or try to ) our food even more and get more and more rigid and obsessed and then get more and more frustrated and self-critical when we aren’t successful with our more rigid guidelines which triggers us to get even more restrictive and self-critical which triggers a bigger “binge” and a greater need for isolation and withdrawal which triggers more self-criticism and so on and so on and so on. That’s the only thing that ever happens to anyone who begins to believe that their relationship with food is the reason they are: unhappy; alone; frustrated; “not good enough”; not having the life they desire or the career they desire or the partner they desire……and so on. Mountains become molehills quite quickly with this process when we remember that any focus on food or body image that isn’t about health and wellness is just a coping strategy. Did you get that? It’s a very important point and makes your relationship with food a very different experience: Food is a coping strategy for you if you:
- Eat when you’re not hungry;
- Eat beyond the point of fullness;
- Don’t allow yourself to eat when you are hungry;
- Engage in purging with laxatives, vomiting or excessive exercise;
- Berate your body shape and size.
Is food is a coping strategy for you? The solution is not to focus on the food, the solution is to look a little deeper and identify what it is that is triggering you to feel that your life, as it exists today, is such that you can’t feel safe being present for it? What are you telling yourself about your life and yourself today that makes you believe that the best solution you have to offer yourself is to harm yourself with the coping strategies of isolation, withdrawal, procrastination and binging? It is those thoughts that need to be explored so that you can find out for yourself whether there truly is something that is going on in your present reality that needs some attention in order for you to feel safe putting yourself out there and creating new relationships. You may find that the underlying thoughts that trigger you to feel so overwhelmed that you need to use food to cope are old thoughts and really have no bearing on your present day reality. And yet, they are running the show in large part because you’re not aware that those thoughts exist and that times have changed.
So, to begin to create change in your social life you must start with noticing when you’re using food to cope and taking the following steps:
- Tell yourself: “Oh, I’m using my food coping strategy right now – that means I have a need that isn’t being met.”
- Ask yourself what you were just thinking or experiencing that may have triggered that unmet need.
- Ask yourself if that thought or experience in any way undermines your sense of comfort or safety in your life in general or in your relationships with others.
That’s a great place to start. Bringing your awareness around to what is really going on rather than staying stuck on the surface focusing on food is what will create lasting change and lead you to a relationship with food that is truly natural. And if you’re not sure what that is, a natural relationship with food is one where you eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re full, and you don’t have any energy about what you’re eating except to enjoy it.
Take it from someone who used to be obsessed, 24/7 with food – what I should eat vs. what I was eating; how fat and ugly I was; how lazy I was; how I was “never” going to be happy; how I was “always” going to be fat or to be struggling with food; how I was never ever ever going to like my body and be happy with it; and so on and so on.
You can have a peaceful and easy and natural relationship with food and be a healthy natural weight for your body without thinking about it. The first step is proving to yourself that your current focus on food and body is just a coping strategy. Once you know that everything else can being to change because now you’re looking in the right place for the problem and it’s much much easier to find the solution!
Love M
P.S. Once you’re tuned in to your own use of food to cope and can start to notice the underlying triggers, there are many practical things you can do to begin to stretch yourself and establish strong and healthy relationships that don’t take a long time to create. If you’re interested in some concrete suggestions about this send me an e-mail and I’ll share some. mmorand@islandnet.com
Hello All!
