Posted by Cedric on December 7, 2009
The Diet Mentality of our society says that the way to be externally acceptable is to have breast augmentation, liposuction, no noticeable body fat, and a million dollars. It is not only unrealistic and unnatural, but it is also unhealthful. Ah, but the Drill Sgt. in you doesn’t really care, because the most important thing to him is meeting your needs for security and acceptance. And he believes that those needs must be met outside of yourself and can only be met when you have total acceptance and approval from everyone. He’ll worry about your quality of life and your health and wellness later. Right! Any of you who have been playing the Diet Mentality game for long will know that “later” never comes. From the Drill Sgt.’s perspective, there is always something more that you need to change/do/be in order to secure your place in the world. The only way the Drill Sgt. knows how to do this is to continue to pressure you to look a certain way so that you will finally get the approval and sense of security in the world that you so desperately seek.
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Tags: acceptance, body image, body/mind/spirit, CEDRIC, co-dependency, co-dependent, compulsive eating, core beliefs, diet, diet mentality, dieting, drill sergeant, eating disorders, exploring, External Locus of Control, forgiveness, grounding, growing, healing, nurturing, overeating, past, present, rebalancing, self care, self esteem, self love, self worth, triggers
Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self
Those of us who use food to cope, or drugs, alcohol, shopping, procrastination, isolation, busywork, and even more socially-sanctioned strategies like over-exercise, co-dependency and workaholism, use those strategies in an attempt to distance ourselves from the constant sense of anxiety we feel within.
The anxiety that we feel is borne out of harmful all-or-nothing stories that I call “learned helplessness.” The learned helplessness stories sound something like this:
So many of us are sitting on the sidelines in life, waiting for the moment when we’ll be “good enough.” When we’re “good enough” we’ll begin to live fully! When we’re “good enough” we’ll start loving freely and completely! We’ll risk and speak up for ourselves and for others and for what we believe in against anybody! When we’re “good enough” we won’t feel anxious or depressed. We’ll go after that job we’ve always wanted and we will definitely not have any reservations about going after that man we’ve been desiring. But not until we’re good enough. Until then…..until then, we wait. Until then, we settle and we numb the sadness and the anxiety in our tummies with food or alcohol or TV, sleep, harlequin romances or some similar mind-numbing material. 
The theme of “making mistakes” (from the last 2 weeks) seems to have hit home with many readers, and with good reason. One of the main reasons we use food to cope is because we are so anxious all the time about saying the right thing; doing the right thing; being perceived as good and kind and generous and smart and sexy and “together.”
The pressure to perform and to conform to others’ expectations of who or what we should be creates a chronic state of anxiety that I call “the permeating level of anxiety” (PLA) and it is this chronic sense of disease or distress within that triggers us to restrict, or binge or purge.
Letting go of the dream of perfection doesn’t mean giving up hope of having everything you desire.
It is actually the doorway to finally stepping free of the old all-or-nothing thinking that has kept you stuck in unsatisfying jobs and relationships and has kept you chained to food and body image focus as the answer to your insecurities and dissatisfaction with life.
The story that there is a “perfect” and that you have to be it or else is what keeps you from living happily, passionately, and purposefully in this moment.
As I woke up this morning, the first thought I had, after “Why is that cat on my head!” was of you: My readers and CEDRIC Community members. I was reflecting on a phenomenon I’ve been noticing, which is that I receive far more comments on my articles that are not tools-oriented but more information and thoughts to ponder, than I do on my offerings that have specific steps attached, designed to help you achieve your goals.
I lay there, reflecting on this pattern and noticed that I began to feel a little unsettled, “the niggle” was up! As I asked myself what needs I had that weren’t being met that were triggering that niggle, the answer became clear: I want my readers to be successful in their healing. I don’t want them to stay stuck in the use of food to cope when they don’t have to. I want my writing to inspire them and motivate them to try doing something differently.
It seems like my last article on needs (“Having needs doesn’t make you needy”) struck a deep chord in many readers. That makes perfect sense. It is the fundamental issue. The only reason you ever use food to cope, no exceptions, is because you have needs that aren’t being met in some area of your life and you’ve told yourself that you’re not allowed, not deserving, or just not capable of getting them met, no matter what you do. These stories you’re telling yourself lead you to feel depressed and anxious, lethargic and frantic, in other words, they overwhelm you.
And when you’re feeling overwhelmed about something you believe you can’t do anything to change or resolve, the only thing to do is to find a way to diminish or discount the impact of that thing: to numb out.
Hello out there! Thank you for stopping by and taking the time from your busy day to explore some new ways of looking at life and of being in the world.
One of the themes that comes up every day in my work with clients is needs. Okay, okay, to be honest, it’s usually me bringing it up…..but there’s a really good reason for that. Having needs doesn’t make you needy, it makes you normal.
You see, if you’re overeating, restricting, binging and purging, dieting, drinking, smoking, toking, shopping, gambling, procrastinating, isolating or ruminating on relationships more than you’d like, you’re using a coping strategy. And the only reason any human being ever uses a coping strategy is because they have needs that aren’t being met in some (or many) area(s) of their lives. 
Hey out there! I was just getting ready for my day and my mind was reflecting on a few recent events in my life and noticing a commonality between them. So naturally I thought I’d share these reflections with you.
It seems that the overall lesson is that when life presents us with an opportunity to change a harmful pattern, we have two choices (assuming we’re conscious enough of the pattern to see it in the first place):
1. We can see the opportunity to do things differently and choose to do things the same old way anyway. Usually we make this choice out of fear of change or fear of angering or disappointing someone if we were to behave differently than they “expect.”
Or…..
Hello CEDRIC Community Members. In this article we are continuing with our goal exploration and creating small, doable steps to get you from where you are to where you want to be.
If you’re just joining us as a community member and want to take part in this series about self-care and forward momentum, I recommend you follow the link to the