Archive for Relationship with Others
Posted by Cedric on February 14, 2009
Michelle’s Morand’s A-Channel Adventure by Tina Budeweit-Weeks, CEDRIC Correspondent
As the first week in February is recognized as National Eating Disorders Week, in order
to draw more attention to the concerns related to it, CEDRIC’s Michelle Morand was interviewed first thing Monday morning on the A Channel’s breakfast show. She was a vision of serenity in a simple black outfit offset by a long woven scarf in warm autumn colours draped casually across one shoulder.
Newscaster Erick Thompson asked some great questions around society’s increased need for CEDRIC’s approach and Michelle’s calm answers were clear, concise and gently worded, providing the viewing audience with an example of the gentle way issues around eating disorders are handled at CEDRIC. (more…)
Posted by Cedric on February 14, 2009
Weekly, I take a couple of hours that I set aside specially, to peruse the internet to find sites that support the process of CEDRIC participants. I figure if its interesting to me, as I too, consider myself a 100% participant, it likely will resonate with some of our readers as well.
This week, I found a fabulous site that links databases around women’s alternative health. Especially interesting is the entire listing I found for guided imagery, or what I am accustomed to referring to as ‘guided meditations’, a wonderful tool for overcoming strife and tension. (That doesn’t involve food or exercise!)
‘Women’s Mind/Body Health’ is the link to resource this with another link on that page leading to where to access the books and tapes that one can benefit from by listening and reading more about it.
(more…)
Tags: back burner, eating disorders, exploring, growing, guided imagery, meditation, mindfulness, self esteem
Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self, Tips for Natural Eating, Uncategorized
Posted by Cedric on February 14, 2009
There is something profoundly significant in the support of friendships. When we have someone or a few trustworthy and beloved someones who know us, have history with us, and have a wish to help us, we are miles ahead of those who don’t.
I was thinking, on my journey to wellness, how much easier it would be to get more motivated to get out if I have a friend who would be willing to go for walks out in the green spaces of the region with me. Then, as I was sitting on my balcony with my first coffee, in the early morning fogginess, pondering the vista of Esquimalt harbour in front of me, that led me to thinking … what about ‘tandem healing’?
Not just the healing of friendships or having a friend badger you to get off your duff and get out with them so you get more physically active, but how about having a friend who also has ‘issues’ that they want to have re-aligned, go into the CEDRIC community and process the literature and workshops together? Of course, it would require the patience needed of the other to give them the time and space to do the work that is individual to each of the friend’s healing process, but doesn’t it make sense that if friendship and camaraderie in a trusted environment is healing, then taking an intentional path together toward wellness would not only expedite the individual healing process through the support available, but wouldn’t that tandem healing also deepen the friendship?
Two eagles fly by me as I write this and I see it as an omen. (more…)
Posted by Cedric on February 14, 2009
Hi Michelle,
I have been struggling with my back for about 2 years now, even though I have been exercising lots. There could be a few reasons for this, one of them being my weight. I have lost about 20 lbs this year, but am still over 200 lbs and still at the heavier end of my normal weight. I would like to lose some more weight (hopefully at a quicker rate than 20lbs over 9 months) to alleviate the pain in my back but I am scared to get sucked into a diet mentality. Do you have any suggestions?
Thanks,
N
Hi N.
This is a great question and it’s very exciting that you’re asking it because it implies so much about how far along you are in your healing. Any of us who have gained weight as a result of our use of food to cope need to ask this question at some point in our recovery. We naturally want to lose weight and we know that some change to our intake of food needs to happen in order for that weight loss to occur. We also know that it was dieting and restriction around food that led to things getting so out of hand in the first place, so we’re understandably petrified, stuck, procrastinating on doing anything. The key is to be clear in yourself that you’re wanting to make these changes to your food intake (quantity and quality) because you care about yourself from a health and overall wellness perspective first and an appearance perspective second. (more…)
Posted by mmorand on February 14, 2009
It’s almost Valentine’s day! Those of you in a loving partnership are probably quite excited at the prospect of some romance with your sweetheart. Those of you in a troubled or distant relationship are probably feeling some sense of longing and you may be hoping that this special day will bring you closer together. Those of you in no partnership at all are probably in one of two camps: Camp 1, you have a solid love relationship with yourself and so you’re excited at the prospect of treating yourself to some fabulous things as an expression of your self-love. Or Camp 2, you’re anxious and annoyed that this day even exists and wish that you could just skip it – that the world could just forget about it and then you wouldn’t have to feel so lonely and be reminded, yet again, that you have not yet found that special someone.
This article is for you number 2’s! It is also for any of the rest of you who would like to enhance your relationship with yourself and in so doing, strengthen all your connections with others – you see, the greater your self-esteem and self-love, the easier all of your relationships become because you are more solid and grounded and respecting of yourself; you’re also more solid and grounded with others within your relationships.
Below are ten suggestions of things you can do to really show yourself that you love and care for you; to show yourself that you believe you are worthy of love and connection even if you haven’t yet found that special someone. Even if you and your sweetheart are experiencing some distance right now, this is applicable. If you’d like to enhance your relationship with yourself, consider committing to following through with at least one of the suggestions for yourself.
While you’re working on this, offer yourself this mantra:
“I am worthy of love and approval. I offer myself love and approval for no reason at all, just because I exist.”
Top Ten List of Things You Can Do To Love Yourself
(more…)
Posted by mmorand on February 14, 2009
Perhaps I am not the best person to be writing on relationships today. My own ‘life’ partnership ended last week. Actually, it ended in the summer, it just spent the fall and winter decaying and last week turned to dust. No, I’m probably not the best person to be writing on relationships; not if you would like to hear something about how the knowledge and wisdom I have about relationships and self-awareness means that I never have problems in my romantic partnership or how, because I no longer struggle with food and weight issues, everything is always hunky dory in my world.
Don’t we all carry those fantasies somewhere within: That everything will be great if I could only get a grip on my food and my weight? I certainly did. I absolutely believed that the only thing standing between me and absolute bliss was my weight. Well…..not quite. You see, my weight and my binging behaviour were only the outer manifestations of my inner turmoil. (more…)
Tags: CEDRIC, coping, eating disorders, growing, healing, learning, Relationship with Self, self esteem, self love
Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self, Uncategorized
Posted by Cedric on February 14, 2009
I think that the CEDRIC philosophy works because it is based on good common sense. Our February theme for the Blog and Newsletter is ‘relationships' and in keeping with this all important theme I'm addressing an important relationship with myself . It is vital for us to build a sound relationship with ourselves as well as looking at our relationships with others. Here is a bit of sharing about how I have dealt with my relationship with myself where my 'inner critic' or 'drill sergeant' is concerned.
The one component of CEDRIC teachings that rings most true with me at this part of my process is the ‘drill sergeant'. The negative voice that used to taunt me constantly when I was in my weakest hours is quieter now that I have done the work that is necessary to allow myself more nurturing and respect from within, but the change required some effort.
That endless negative commentary in the back of our heads wants us to think that it is echoing the conclusions of all who you come in contact with. If you are a person given to worrying about what other's think, it can really get a good hold of your psyche and be leveling when it comes to our trying to remain strong and grounded and take good care of ourselves.
Core Beliefs and the Drill Sergeant - What a relationship there!
When I first began my work at quieting the drill sergeant within, I had to look at the foundation of my self-esteem because that's where the good old Drill Sgt. gets all his material! Core beliefs are just that because they form the nucleus of who we are. What I've learned from exploring the CEDRIC Centre's approach to healing is that most of us who find that life stress sends us running to food to cope have been unconsciously buying into harmful old Core Beliefs. Those beliefs were often imposed on us by people in our past who were responsible for our maturation and development, and we unwittingly accepted those imposed beliefs as law without questioning them and their validity. As children that's impossible to expect of ourselves, we just don't have the awhem with a set of Core Beliefs that accurately portray who we are now.areness, but as adults, we can revisit those old stories we're still carrying and, if we choose, replace them.
Imagine driving a car based on what we've been told what others think about driving rather than learning the nuts and bolts of where the ignition is, what the steering wheel does. If we are simply told what to think about driving and then given the keys, we would still be at a loss as to how to make the car function, yet in our daily lives, we accept imposed beliefs much more vital than the information on how vehicles function, as gospel, and then try to function in our lives, basing everything on those old stories.
It doesn't work. In my case, I would let that rude drill sergeant berate me about my inability to cope, which made me feel weak, made me tend to falter and before I knew it, that diminishing judgment had become a self-fulfilling prophecy and I would seek to self-anesthetize to keep from feeling like even more of a failure.
There's an old maxim I once found in a tea box that was affixed to my fridge door for years. It says ‘If you do what you always done, you get what you always got'. I have learned that this applies so well to the healing process around binging, restricting, purging, drinking and any other form of coping.
The CEDRIC program really helps me see that awareness is not enough. While it is a key component of healing, awareness of the problem without new tools for how to deal with it is often more harmful than good because it exposes our pain without showing us how to move through it. Tools for change and the support to change have to be a part of the process we undergo or we wind up spinning our wheels and never achieving a life that is free from thinking one needs escapes at all costs such as eating disorders.
So I embraced a bit of change by letting myself become open to new ideas. By addressing my core beliefs, restructuring them to serve me rather than those who were once trying to impose a set of beliefs that would inflict their control upon me, a wondrous thing has happened. I've developed a healthy drill sergeant. In fact, the voice inside me now is so distant from the drill sergeant it is hard to believe it was ever disrespectful or diminishing.
The voice I hear inside most of the time now, is not even vaguely related to that judgmental, authoritarian sapper of esteem it once was. Now that I'm clear about what I want to believe about myself; what I know to be true, I have made peace with that harsh internal critic and it's as if this has caused my ‘Drill Sergeant' to turn over a new leaf too.
In fact, I was thinking that it's not really descriptive of my internal dialogue to refer to it as such a corporal entity when now my inner voice is one of self-support and nurturing. Sure, when I am feeling overwhelmed, I might try to impose that ‘Drill Sergeant' upon myself as a knee jerk response because that was my prior way of coping, and an old, ingrained habit, but I now recognize the red flag like it's a belled cat and I'm a mouse determined to survive. I head that internal emotional vampire off at the pass, replacing it with my kinder, more benevolent TRUE inner voice, the one that reflects my thoughts and principles TODAY. Hurray! My following this practical philosophy has helped me to become aware of a powerful coping skill that I never knew I had.
My natural, healthy internal voice is there now to protect me from external challenges and threats, and if I start hearing more from that critical Drill Sgt. I take it as a sign that I am being triggered by something and need to look at what is going on in my life that might be making me feel fearful or threatened. I really don't have the time or inclination to allow myself to hang out in that scared child place any more and so instead of falling back to my old responses I now acknowledge that I must be dealing with stressors which have put me at the limits of my capacity to cope. My new self quickly interrogates that traitorous internal voice immediately, replacing it with an internal dialogue that mirrors what a good friend's perspective might be on the situation.
In Michelle's article, she asks us to explore the foundation, the origin of our beliefs. If I start feeling unimportant, rejected, abandoned, self critical, un-loveable or challenged in my capacity to function, I've learned that I need to take steps to change my response. Those steps include self nurturing and grounding myself by bringing myself into this moment and reminding myself of what I know about myself that I like and admire. Sometimes I do something I know I'm inherently good at. I knit and always have a project on the go, and five minutes alone with it usually reverts my insecure mindset back to a grounded, confident one.
I invite you to look at restructuring your Core Beliefs so that they address you now, and as a result, can support you in your healing process. So how about starting with baby steps? Set yourself the intention to have a red flag raise in your mind when you hear the internalized litany of negativity that questions your process or your worth as a human being. Become more aware of that old Drill Sgt. so that you can gently but firmly challenge his old stories and let them go, once and for all. It's a solution that is helping me to make big changes in my life, and I hope that in some small way, reading my experience helps you as well.
Namaste, Tina Budeweit-Weeks
CEDRIC Web Correspondent
Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.
Posted by mmorand on January 30, 2009
Here’s a quick little tool that, if you use it, will be all you need to completely overcome any limiting beliefs you are carrying.
Core Beliefs
* I’m unimportant.
* I’m going to be rejected.
* I’m going to be abandoned.
* I should be more fun.
* I should be lighter.
* I am not smart enough.
* I’m not good enough.
* I am unlovable.
Whenever you start to feel anything other than peaceful and grounded, ask yourself if you’ve just had one of these thoughts. If so, remind yourself that that’s your old core belief – it’s an old story that never was true and certainly isn’t true now. Then remind yourself of what you’d like to believe and let go of needing anyone outside of yourself to agree with that new, desired belief. You have the right and the ability to love andapprove of yourself completely, regardless of what others might think, say or do.
Any time you spend looking to others for validation of your “okay-ness” is time spent feeling anxious and insecure and only serves to reinforce those old harmful beliefs. Just notice any feelings of anxiety and insecurity and check to see whether any of those old beliefs have just been triggered then remind yourself that they’re only old stories and reinforce your desired belief and you’ll immediately feel more peaceful, relaxed and grounded in yourself.
Initially you may have to do this every few minutes in a stressful circumstance but trust me, in a short period of time you will get to a place where those old thoughts hardly, if ever, come up and you live in a state of peace and self-love most of the time.
If you would like more information on this process or would like to know how I can say, with absolute certainty, never having met you, that your beliefs aren’t true and never ever were, I encourage you to read a copy of my book Food is not the Problem: Deal With What Is. The book covers all the key tools you need to have a life free from food and body image stress and from the old core beliefs and self-esteem limitations that triggered it in the first place. You can purchase a copy for immediate download or a hard copy at the following link: Books
Have a great day and give this tool a try – show yourself how these stories that aren’t true really are at the root of all your pain and stress. Then it’s a hop skip and a jump to let those old stories go and embrace the truth about the beautiful, intelligent being that you really are.
Love Michelle
Posted by Cedric on January 22, 2009
My kittens don’t have an eating problem. I give them food and they beg for anything they see me eating. No problem.
They are not affected by the world around them in the sense that we humans are. Every day we “walking upright” are inundated by messages that come at us from all sides leading us to need to be acceptable externally through our appearance. I don’t need to tell you what these messages are, everyone recognizes them, but hardly anyone admits how harmful the constant barrage of negativity is. I will use a few examples. Watching TV last night, I see a new angle is being used by marketers to sell oatmeal. ‘Weight control’ is what the large print on the box says. In smaller print, the word ‘oatmeal’ resides near it but the message is loud and clear. You are to start the day with your inequities (those extra pounds you’re packing) glaring you in the face from the very minute you open your cupboards. (more…)
Tags: body/mind/spirit, gain, glycemic index, HFCS, issues, overeating, undereating, weight loss
Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self, Tips for Natural Eating
Posted by Cedric on January 13, 2009
Reading the CEDRIC Core Beliefs Handbook, it’s no surprise to me that by looking to the source of my inner diminishment, my childhood, I am able to put the finger right on the basis of CEDRIC teachings. Core Beliefs are really the foundation for any psyche and as I learn to reshuffle my personal priorities and internalized understandings, the difficult issues of low self-esteem and lowered self worth in my past are deeply ingrained and something I must focus on overcoming everyday. Here’s how I’m working through this:
Putting oneself first is no mean feat when I’ve spend the last twenty plus years putting the needs of my children ahead of myself as they grew up, as it should be. The danger here, though, is that there is a tendency to hide behind distractions such as letting the priorities of others become a deterrent to our dealing with our own needs. Eating right and regularly contribute to maintaining a holistic lifestyle, but when one is unable to ascertain what one needs because historically the needs of others have overridden our personal needs, unhealthy habits become the norm. Habits like snacking, caving to temptations, and unintentional imbibing that is a knee jerk response to frustration all contribute to harming one’s body and one’s body image and as a result, one’s self esteem faces a downward spiral.
Finding the balance has always been the trick for this Libran, who’s scales are always teetering and rarely level. Striving for harmony and harmonious surroundings is much easier now that my life has changed so much. Not a parent any longer, nor am I a student. My newfound identity as an independent woman finds me in a loved relationship, both within, with myself, and without, with my hubby, which distracts me much less now.
Tina’s Journey – ‘Skiing’ all year
The Core Beliefs handbook suggests one should look to where in their childhood they first felt blindsided and their delicate self esteem began taking abuse. Its easy for me to pinpoint this. As a child, I grew up in a home where my mother was oblivious of the impact of her callousness on her two daughters. It wasn’t until after years of counselling and self work that I have learned to not assign blame in my mother’s direction however. She was and always will be a victim of World War II, having grown up in Germany during the war years as the oldest girl in a large family that was headed by an authoritarian father who had no business parenting, and who had no idea how his corporal attitudes would reflect on his grandchildren when his children became adults and had kids of their own.
My mother dismissed counselling, denying it of any value, believing it was for ‘crazy people’. As a result, the Russian soldiers who caused her family so much grief are still winning – still there in her mind with their long-ago abuses reflected through all her daily actions.
When Anthony Robbins, the famous motivational guru, talks about people’s emotional winters, I think of my mother, who exemplifies the role of eternal victim. Unlike her, I am a survivor, excelling in spite of my life and history, not because of it. Tony Robbins says that when people face their emotional winters, face their core challenges, some people go skiing, some choose to freeze to death. Mom chose the latter, but in my best interests, I’ve not only learned to ‘ski’, but I’ve raised my children into adulthood with the skills needed to face their hardships in the affirmative – to take the lessons presented by the current challenges and ski with them.
My mother, as a result, was very hard on my headstrong and precocious self. Her constant diminishment, her tendency to hit and scream without warning, caused me to have extremely low self esteem until well into my 30’s, when I began in earnest, to rectify this, through counselling. The hard work has paid off, as I now have a fairly solid self image that I and noone else has defined. In spite of this, though, it’s ironic that the ingrained, ancient self perceptions planted by my mother have caused my ‘Drill Sergeant’ to have my mother’s soft, clipped voice with its germanic/British accent.
I can say, encouragingly, that as one becomes more skilled in handling challenges, in staying in the love, in staying positive, that Drill Sergeant’s voice becomes much more sporadic and definitely less vehement. Now, when I hear that internal critic speaking to me in a voice that my close friends would NEVER use towards me, I take it as a sign that I am tired, overworked, out of energy, hungry or just needing to change my focus from one of outwardly dealing with the needs of others, and instead, begin considering what my own needs are.
One priceless counselling experience really helped me address the tendency of my Drill Sergeant’s callous opinion of myself to blindside my confidence which often contributed to causing me to second-guess myself. This innovative counselor listened to me as I outlined some of my history and after thinking a bit, she replied, “When you hear that internal dialogue of self-diminishment, instead of giving it undue energy, just acknowledge it… just try responding minimally by saying to yourself ‘There it is.’ and then return to whatever you were doing.”
That suggestion has proven to be pure gold. The old me was prone to stop in my tracks and take on the Drill Sergeant’s barrage of self-critical input, disrupting my confidence. By applying the simple words ‘There it is’, and consciously choosing to not let it get to me, I circumvented a very old knee-jerk response, and ultimately, it changed my life.
It wasn’t easy at first – old habits die hard and the Drill Sergeant doesn’t give up without a concerted battle. I perservered with repeated applications of the ‘There it is’ exercise, and like new muscle using repetition, I was able to mute self-deprecating internal dialogue much more easily. By identifying where my personal perspective of core esteem began, I can lay those blue meanies to rest, redeem myself for the valid and capable person I have become, and move ahead.
Maybe that’s the lesson to glean from this whole challenge. The red flag that flies up when I hear the Drill Sergeant now, tells me not to listen to the words of the DS but to the existence of my personal state changing to one of more accumulated stress than I can bear, and to start to focus on myself immediately.
I hope my insights around core beliefs have a positive effect on your process. As we journey together towards wholeness, we need to know that those who try to diminish us exist (that’s self preservation). We should pay attention to how they operate and where they come from, but we don’t need to give them energy, and that goes for the ‘Drill Sergeant’ as well.
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