Relationships 101 Week 6

Posted by on Getting What You NeedThis article is part of a series: Relationships 101: Week 1, Week 2, Week 3, Week 4, Week 5. Part 6 is called Getting What You Need. In the past 5 weeks of this series we’ve covered almost all of the fundamental pieces of relationships. We’ve looked at what it is you value and what it is that you need in your relationships in order to feel safe and respected and happy. We’ve discussed how to make sure you’re cultivating relationships with people who are in alignment with your goals and values and principles so that you can be happy in your friendships and partnerships. We’ve addressed making sure that the things you’re expecting/asking of others are things that you are prepared to offer yourself and others as well and that your expectations are therefore reasonable and fair (this is a fabulous way to lessen your frustration and resentment with others immediately and increase the empathy and compassion between you). We’ve talked about co-dependence and how to resolve it if it exists in your relationships. And, we’ve talked about seeking to understand: The fine art of asking questions rather than just assuming your assumptions are accurate. (more…)

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Food is not the problem!

Posted by on You know all too well how distressing and overwhelming it can be when you observe yourself doing something you don’t want to do, for example, overeating, because this action will be of no assistance to you in reaching your ultimate goal. But you can’t stop yourself; you feel as though you have no control and that your life is out of your hands. You feel simultaneously comforted and soothed, in that anxious and strangely familiar way. You feel as if you are going crazy. You feel stuck and hopeless, and you begin to make plans for what you are going to do differently next time because this gives you a sense of power and makes you feel a little better in the moment, even though you know you are not likely to be successful then either! This whole scenario used to play itself out countless times a day for me at the height of my compulsive eating. Never once did I stop to think that they may be something else going on. I never once asked myself what just happened (past, present, future, thoughts, feelings, behaviours) to make me want to use food to cope. I did not have a clue that anything other than my own weakness and lack of willpower was at work. I bought fully into the story that it was I who was ineffective.

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The Diet Mentality enforces external approval

Posted by on I can’t tell you how many clients I’ve had – and this is also true of myself in my days of coping with food – who were just devastated with a one- or two-pound weight gain. They were certain it showed, that everyone was noticing, and they felt like the fattest, grossest person in the planet. Conversely, those same clients would feel much more confident and secure if they were down one or two pounds. One or two pounds! Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Truly, not even noticeable to anyone, but to someone who believes that external approval will only come when they look like a super model, one or two pounds is truly devastating. The Diet Mentality takes us out of our Authentic Selves: out of what we are feeling, thinking and needing. Instead, it puts the power in the hands of the weight loss centre, latest diet book author, our friends, family or media. We are blown about by the wind, constantly trying the next fad that comes along in an attempt to achieve that elusive goal of the “right” weight and thereby achieving happiness at long last.

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Acknowledge the load you carry

Posted by on Take a moment and offer yourself some empathy and compassion. Give yourself some acknowledgement for all that you have experienced, for the load that you have been carrying in the form of past experiences or fears about the future. If you can, express your appreciation for your strength and resiliency in the face of all that you are carrying. Take this opportunity to acknowledge the magnitude of what you are dealing with in terms of unfinished business. It makes sense for you to feel overwhelmed and want to tune out with food. For those of you who are not quite ready to be so generous with yourselves or perhaps fear that offering yourself some validation and support will make you weak and complacent, it is okay. Let yourself hang on to your resistance to this self-compassion. Just let it be okay to be as resistant as you are to cutting yourself any slack.

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Port Moody Community Wellness Fair April 2

Posted by on Michelle will be at the Community Wellness Fair in Port Moody, BC on Saturday, April 2 as part of a group of over 40 different local exhibitors specializing in health and wellness for you and your family. Admission is FREE. Time: 10:00 a.m. – 3:00 p.m. Location: Port Moody Recreation Complex 300, Ioco Road Website: http://www.cityofportmoody.com/Recreation/default.htm Topic: The Food-Emotion Bond If your relationship with food is at all stressful and your weight is not where you’d like it to be, you must attend this presentation by CEDRIC Centre founder Michelle Morand.  In 40 minutes you will learn exactly why you do what you do with food, why your relationship with food is so frustrating and what exactly you can do, right now, to begin to have a peaceful and easy connection with food and to come to a natural weight for your body without dieting. Really! Michelle Morand, MA, is a recovered binge eater, Registered Clinical Counsellor, founder and director of The CEDRIC Centre, and originator of the highly effective and simple CEDRIC Method. She has appeared as an expert speaker frequently on TV, radio and in print media. The CEDRIC Method, her unique program for recovery from disordered eating and dieting has helped thousands of men and women to heal completely from their stressful relationship with food and weight. The CEDRIC Centre offers counselling, workshops, the groundbreaking book “Food is not the Problem: Deal With What Is!” and an interactive web based program which teaches the simple and effective tools you need to step free completely from your stressful relationship with food. Visit The CEDRIC Centre www.cedriccentre.com for more information.

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Trauma as food trigger

Posted by on Verbal and physical abuses are traumas. Most everyone has experienced the humiliation and damaging effects of verbal abuse. If our ego strength and our sense of esteem are solid when these events occur, we can slough it off or work through it with some help. If we are already feeling a lack of security and acceptance in our world, every experience of verbal abuse, for example: judgements, name calling, put downs, and yelling will constitute a trauma. Physical abuse, slapping, hitting, spanking and outright beatings, regardless of their purpose in the eyes of the punisher, are traumatic events. Neglect is trauma. The act of having your needs and your Self ignored or devalued is traumatic. Those who use food to cope have no doubt experienced some form of trauma which triggered the development of and dependence on a series of coping strategies. People seem to think that trauma only happens to a few unfortunate victims. This point of view has allowed much trauma and abuse to be overlooked. The truth is that most people will experience some significant trauma in their lives. We can gauge this from the rampant use of powerful coping strategies such as food use, alcoholism, shopping, gambling, drug and sexual addiction.

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Vancouver Health Show, Oct. 29-30, 2011

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You can catch Michelle at her booth as well as speaking about ‘Sidestepping the Food- Emotion Power Struggle’ at 3:00 p.m. at the upcoming Vancouver Health Show, Oct. 29th and 30th, at the Vancouver Convention Centre, East Facility – Hall B, Sat -10 am to 6 pm and Sun. 11 am to 5 pm.

If your relationship with food is at all stressful and your weight is not where you’d like it to be, you must attend this presentation by CEDRIC Centre founder Michelle Morand. In one hour Michelle will show you how to begin to have a healthy relationship with food and how to maintain a natural weight for your body, for life, without dieting and exercise regimes. You can’t be healthy, let alone happy and secure in your life if you are stuck focusing on what you ate and what you weigh. So, if you are at all frustrated with the amount of time you spend thinking about what you are eating or how much you weigh, come and learn some simple steps to break free from the food – emotion power struggle.



 

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Believing the old core belief is beguiling

Posted by on Aside from fear of the unknown, the obvious reason people choose to hang onto their old core belief is that they still believe it! It still feels true on some deep level. And because the confused logic of the Drill Sgt. says that they need to carry this belief or they will be unsafe and unloved, they cling to that old, painful, bogus story. They are fearful that, if they start to behave in accordance with their desired belief, they will be judged, criticized, and risk the limited security they currently experience in their world. Much of your life experience has been lived through the lens of your old core belief. Every interaction has been framed by that thought about yourself and interpreted as though it were true. Every choice you have made has had that story about yourself at its core. So, of course you still believe it on some level. You have to come to see it as part of you or who you really are. Deep down, in your gut, you are going to require some life experience to shake it loose.

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Assuming is a one-sided perspective

Posted by on The pattern of assuming that your perception is the “right” one may have helped you to separate from past abusive or co-dependent connections. You may have needed such an all-or-nothing approach to life in the past to be able to stand strong and reinforce your needs with key people in your life. The problem is that the best you can do when you are wedded to the practice of assumption is to be in the independent stage of relationship. Interdependence cannot exist with all-or-nothing thinking. It is impossible. At best, you have two strong, independent people who have learned to cohabit and keep their distance. At worst, you have a co-dependent connection or abusive relationship where one person consistently gets their way and the other doesn’t. If you have noticed this pattern of assuming in any of your key relationships, now is the time to ask yourself what type of relationship you want with this person. If you want a good, healthful, open, honest and trusting relationship, you must be willing to allow for the possibility that your perspective is not the only one. You must be willing to allow for the possibility that the other person is not out to “get” you or to pull one over on you.  

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