Are your goals actually doable for you?

Posted by on Invite yourself to fully receive this next statement. Any goal that you ask of yourself that is not established from a place of self-respect and dignity and an acknowledgement of what is truly doable for you at that time is doomed to fail. It cannot succeed. Not for long anyway. Sooner or later you will feel overwhelmed by the pressure of those expectations and will begin to procrastinate and ultimately use food to cope yet again. Keep in mind this vicious cycle is of your own creation. It is only your Drill Sgt. and his all-or-nothing thinking that keeps you stuck in this cycle of self-harm, constantly diminishing your self-esteem. There is no legitimate reason for you to be forced to do what the Drill Sgt. says you must do, in the way he says it, and in the time frame which he has created.

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre

Leave a Comment (0) →

Glad

Posted by on If we were to label feelings as good or bad, everyone would say that “glad” is a good one, right? Well, sort of. Yes, on any given day we would rather feel glad than sad. But glad has its issues, also. Many of us have been taught that “you shouldn’t be too happy.” The expectations which many of us picked up from our society, peers, and caregivers are confusing at best: you are supposed to be light and joyful; you are not supposed to have any problems or needs; you are not supposed to be proud of yourself; you are not supposed to be more successful or happier than those around you, and on and on it goes. So we are meant to be light and happy, but not too happy and not too light. By whose standards? Where is the “happy scale” which tells us how happy we can be and where and with whom? And how do we know when it is okay to not be quite as happy? Is it okay to be less happy sometimes? My goodness, the fears and doubts surrounding the simple act of feeling joyful are overwhelming.

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre

Leave a Comment (1) →

Discounting trauma adds to coping strategies

Posted by on If we were not yet grounded in ourselves at a level of esteem needs at the time we experienced some form of abuse, neglect or other trauma, we would have interpreted that event as potentially threatening to our existence. In some cases, it truly was. In many cases, it was the emotional and psychological impact of those abuse experiences which impacted us most severely. So, while we may not have been physically on the verge of death, the experience undermined our sense of security on a deeper psychological and emotional level. Our sense of the world – our worth and deservedness of respectful treatment and of dignity – was undermined deeply in many of these situations. This was traumatizing, without a doubt! Yet most of us were either told directly or indirectly to ignore or discount our natural and appropriate responses to that trauma. And that interpretation led us to develop a number of coping strategies to deal with our natural and appropriate responses.

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre

Leave a Comment (0) →

Disconnect leads to emotional overwhelm

Posted by on

Disconnect leads to emotional overwhelm


The more overwhelmed and anxious you become in social situations or when facing something new or an unexpected change of plans, the more you can trust that your thinking gets stuck in worst-case-scenario land. The emotional disconnect leads to emotional overwhelm. 

This stuck thinking leads you to feel immediately overwhelmed at the thought of anything new or unexpected and makes life much harder than it needs to be.  Disconnect leads to emotional overwhelm when you have learned, over time, to assume the worst and to automatically shut down to what is actually happening in the moment. And hey, if you’re telling yourself you’re doomed, why wouldn’t you press the shut down button?

And if, without even realizing it, you have lived your life disconnected from your feelings for the most part, you are very likely wondering what the value of being connected to them would be.

In fact, your Drill Sgt. may be saying something such as “Feelings make you weak.” “Other people won’t respect you if you let your feelings show.” “You’re just a cry baby if you can’t control your feelings.”

Check in with yourself for a moment and ask where in the past you may have either heard these very words spoken, or if you witnessed significant people in your life modeling the behaviour of hiding, discounting, or denying their feelings.

Have you ever had the experience of suddenly feeling totally overwhelmed?

You are certain you are overreacting because you don’t know where all this emotion came from, and maybe others around you aren’t reacting as strongly or aren’t so demonstrative.

In addition to feeling emotional, you are compounding your pain by judging and berating yourself for this feeling.

You are certain there is nothing going on in your life to justify your strong reaction in that moment.

Does this experience sound familiar?

Well, hundreds of millions of people worldwide struggle with this one. It’s all about confused thinking and confused stress responses. It’s the cause of binging, eating disorders, addictions and every other harmful coping strategy humans engage in.

If you’d like to change this pattern in yourself let me know – I”m here to help.

Love Michelle
mmorand@cedriccentre.com

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre

Leave a Comment (0) →

Natural Eating 101: Week 3 How to Know if it’s Working

Posted by on natural eatingSo! 2 weeks ago we looked at The Diet Mentality in detail. Last week, we looked at the definition and characteristics of Natural Eating. This week, I’m going to be brief. Really, I am! What happened with your answers to the questions about your goals and your definitions of success from last week? Did you take the time to answer those questions and really get clear on what you would consider a successful outcome of our work together? I hope so. (more…)

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Natural Eating 101

Leave a Comment (3) →

Co-dependence is a Learned Behaviour

Posted by on

Co-dependence is a Learned Behaviour

Co-dependence is a Learned Behaviour not an innate trait. So don’t give yourself a hard time if you find yourself prioritizing the feelings and needs of others or if you struggle to feel entitled to ask for what you need. Instead get the support and tools you need to learn how to approach your relationships in a functional, rational, interdependent way. Co-dependence is a learned behaviour – find out more:

If your process of individuation was thwarted by your caregivers, either through their own resistance to allowing you to mature; through a death or divorce; through physical or sexual abuse; or through emotional abuse or neglect (guilt trips, manipulation, silent treatment, yelling, judging or labeling, etc.), your needs for dependence were unmet as a child, and you have come to engage in a self-defeating style of relationship called co-dependence.

In co-dependence, you focus all your energy on meeting the other person’s needs. Your happiness feels completely dependent on their happiness and, as such, you are very emotionally vulnerable and have no real sense of security or control in your life.

If your partner is unhappy, you also become unhappy or engage in some emotional and psychological gymnastics in an attempt to determine and correct “what you did”.

It is unbelievable to you that someone’s bad mood or frown doesn’t have anything to do with you. The co-dependent perspective is that you are responsible for everything people think, feel and do.

Wow! That’s a lot of responsibility. You can’t relax until everyone is okay.

And that’s why you’re so anxious and insecure and stressed all the time. That’s why you binge and feel so self-conscious about your body and that’s why your diets don’t work and you struggle day after day, year after year to get a grip on food or alcohol or money etc.

I can teach you what is really true about relationships and how to create relationships that are fulfilling and healthy.

I can show you how to do your best to create that kind of relationship with people who are already in your life and you’ll be amazed at how simple and obvious it is to do this.

Let me help you to have healthy, fulfilling relationships and to stop stressing about food and weight and look and feel great while you’re at it.

Change can be speedy and simple when you have simple, effective tools and a skilled teacher.


Email me and let’s begin some individual counselling or join the online program and get started today.

Love Michelle
mmorand@cedriccentre.com


Posted in: CEDRIC Centre

Leave a Comment (4) →

Healthful boundaries

Posted by on Healthful boundaries are a fundamental piece of creating balance in our lives. The things which we allow and don’t allow to happen around us, and to us, tell people a lot about our self-esteem and how we regard ourselves and, ultimately, what they can get away with in their relationship with us! In other words, if you have good self-esteem, you have strong and healthful boundaries. You feel capable of asking for what you need and letting people know clearly and directly when your needs are unmet. This lets the people in relationship with you know that you expect honesty and integrity from others, and you are willing to bring this to the table yourself. You wouldn’t be able or willing to tolerate dishonesty or a lack of responsibility in any relationship. If your self-esteem is low and you question your worth or deservedness to have what you need and want, you will be less able to clearly ask for what you need and will often feel as though everyone else gets what they want while you don’t. You will often beat around the bush, or not say anything, then feel hurt and frustrated when the other person didn’t intuit your need. Depending on your level of self-esteem and what you have been taught by role models in your life, you may see getting what you want and need as beyond your control.

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre

Leave a Comment (0) →

Assuming vs Allowing

Posted by on When we come from our old Drill Sgt.’s all-or-nothing mindset, we are always making assumptions about what’s going on; what people are thinking, feeling, doing; what they really intended to do or say; what they really want from us, and so on. This is such a great shame and also the cause of much of your current distress around any relationships. What makes it worse is that, like so many of your other coping strategies, you have mastered the art of assumption to such a degree that you are unaware that an assumption has been made. To you, it’s the absolute truth. In many cases, you will defend your perspective to the death (of the relationship, that is). Once you lock yourself into the story that your perception is the truth and that there is no other explanation for a person’s actions or any other interpretation for their words, you have done yourself great harm. In essence, you have just said to yourself, and to the person you are in relationship with, that your perspective is the only perspective. You are right and they are wrong. And that’s that! You are also sending the message loud and clear that you don’t trust this person. You don’t believe them. Where is the other person to go with this? How do they deal with their feelings of hurt, and their needs for trust and safety in the relationship, if there is only one way or one answer, and it’s yours?

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre

Leave a Comment (0) →

Natural Eating 101: Week 2 Natural Eating Defined

Posted by on Natural Eating DefinedWell hullooooo out there!  It’s week 2 of our Natural Eating series and about time we fully looked at natural eating defined. Last week, we explored the antithesis or maybe we could even say, “the nemesis” of Natural eating…..(insert ominous theme music here….): The Diet Mentality. This nasty way of thinking turns you against your body and against yourself, and sets you on a vicious cycle of diminished self-esteem and increased self-harm and loathing.  It’s got to go people!! But if you’re reading this then you’re already on it! (more…)

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Natural Eating 101, Relationship with Self

Leave a Comment (0) →

Building A Balanced Life is Key to Recovery

Posted by on

Building A Balanced Life is Key to Recovery


It’s possible that you are feeling anxious and insecure often in your life, or that you hear yourself say things about your frustrationg with certain situations and relationship(s) which are clear indicators of unmet needs, and yet you are still ignoring those emotional cues of unmet needs which leads you to feel overrun, unbalanced, and to use food or other substances to cope. If you’d like to stop binging or struggling with diets and weight loss, or drinking, or any other harmful coping strategy then it’s important that you know that building a balanced life is key to recovery.

It’s a simple fact, like it or lump it, that as long as any aspect of your life remains unbalanced or your needs are unmet in certain areas, you will use your coping strategies.

For example. Those of  you who have a disordered relationship with food, unconsciously use thoughts about eating or about what you weigh, and the act of eating or of restricting (and possibly purging through extreme diets, laxatives, exercise or vomiting) as a means of self-medicating and self-soothing. The chemistry you create in your body with the thoughts, sensations, and behaviours associated with your coping strategy of choice (drinking, binging, purging, drugs, t.v. etc.) raises your dopamine level artificially and temporarily triggers feelings of release, peace, nurturing and comfort.

Only problem is, as you know, that sensation is short-lived and soon you’re needing another fix to numb the negative chatter in your brain and the emotional sensations of anxiety and depression that accompany it.

The key to stepping free for good from any eating disorder or addictive behaviour is to have a 2 pronged approach which teaches you how to relate to your substance/coping strategy of choice is a natural, balanced way while also teaching you how to build solid self-trust and self-esteem.

The solution is simple and can be speedy when you have a skilled guide with simple tools. I can help you step free of the chaos and create balance and passion like you’ve never known.

Reach out and let’s discuss what’s going on in your life now that you’d like to change and how we can make that a reality.

Love Michelle
mmorand@cedriccentre.com

Posted in: and Binging, CEDRIC Centre, Complete Recovery, Relationship with Food, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self

Leave a Comment (0) →
Page 15 of 60 «...101314151617...»