Tina’s Journey – It’s time to ask the important question. What makes me tick?
Today, I’m finally exercising.
Exercising my right to get off the couch
I’m in my portable office that contains a bench in the sun in a hidden corner of Saxe Point with my archaic alternative technology, namely my book and pen. My bike is parked behind me with my digital camera, a sweating, cold bottle of fresh water rounding out my ensemble. A huge military helicopter rumbles by slowly, competing with the birds as I write. My intention was to ponder the question ‘What makes me tick?’ as I rode. I am at that place in my evolution that its high time that I ask myself that very good question.
These days, as I process CEDRIC’s philosophies and tools, as I gain experience applying them to the ups and downs of my life, I’m changing, evolving, refining and in the course of that, so are the factors that comprise what makes me who I am. For instance, I’ve changed my name, my career, my home and my life almost 10o% in the past year. That tells me that I know who and what I’m not any more, but what AM I? What stirs my crank? Gets me going? Gets me motivated?
What makes me tick?
The big M word (Motivation) is the key, I think – what can I get excited enough about that it stirs me to action- to get off the couch or out of my comfort zone, which has been pretty cerebral and not a lot physical.
The weather has changed for the better and I’m back on my bike. I’m lumbering back to health, one pedal at a time. When I’m eliminating ‘snacks’ and the associative vernacular, I’m having small, healthy meals instead. The natural course of events that follows is that I tire of being inside when the weather is so sweet at last. I’ve lost patience with myself and feel haunted by the spectre of a shortened life because I chose to be voluntarily hobbled while I still had the chance to move or lose it.
I live in one of the top cycling cities in Canada and I have cycled since I was 3. I love the smells of people’s gardens as I pass their carefully tended flowering trees and the forest roads that we are famous for here. I squeak and grunt and groan on my bike and feel much more alive than I ever do anywhere else. If the sight of this ungainly, poundly, pumping body rolling along beside the cars of the skinny offends them… I have to remember that I was put on this Earth, not to live up to the expectations of others, but to my own and I don’t judge myself based on what space I displace. Nor will I apologize for taking up space. Now I’m going to own the space I take up. Square my shoulders, lift my chin and pedal my hiney all over town.
I laughed as the idea grew in my pedalling mind to begin a blog for chubby women who still love to ride bikes. Maybe we can start our own club here in town. The Red Helmet ladies or something. Want to join me?
I read a quote just today along the lines of self-nurturance. It said that if we let outside influences dictate what our requirements are, then we stay in a mortal mindset, but when we delineate our requirements from within, we become like gods. It seemed to make sense, as I sat there, basking in a breath-taking panorama, enjoying my stimulating bike ride and pondering my question of the day.
So I pose the same question to those of you sharing this CEDRIC journey, given your experience with Michelle’s counsel, CEDRIC’s philosophy and the tools you’ve adapted to accomodate your challenges. What makes you tick?
Michelle Morand has a few workshops coming up this year. Summer is such a pretty time here in Victoria. Maybe a few of us can take the Phase 1 together and cycle to and from the event, together? Find out more about the Transformative Workshops that allows Michelle to convey much more, and deliver it much deeper with her gentle but intensive group dynamics.
Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.
Inspiring to read…as inspiring as you my dear. Thanks again.
Sarah
Hey Tina
I love your article. I am a biker too and some of my most enjoyable times are on my bike. Your thoughts about how the skinny people in the cars find you an inconvenience resonated with me. In fact, when I was watching one of Michelle’s videos, and she was saying about finding the healthy adult rather than the inner child or the drill sgnt., my healthy adult is me on my bike, daring the roads. The thing that keeps me safe and calm on the roads, I learned from the Victoria Bikerider Coalition (or something like that). They had a pamphlet some years ago that urged riders to ‘take up space’ on the road rather than try to squish out of the way by the sidewalk. This way, drivers can negotiate around me and I still have some space in case I need it. I find that drivers are almost always willing to give me this space and conversly, if i squish against the side, drivers drive very close to me. To clarify, I don’t ride my bike in the middle of the road, but I take up about an extra foot on either side of myself.
Christy.
Hey Christy,
Just took my Blue Beast to the Recyclistas for a going over and I anticipate being back on the road next week. I really loved hearing your feedback. It came at the perfect time. Isn’t it funny how that works?
Taking up space on the road is good advice. After all, with a rear like mine, I can really throw my weight around! Here, when I’ve been fearful of the roads and my clumsiness, I have simply walked the bike until I got to a place where I could get back to peddling. Maybe now I won’t be so quick to do that. Who wants me all over their windshield? I mean. Really.
😛
Thanks again!