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Co-dependence is a Learned Behaviour

Co-dependence is a Learned Behaviour

Co-dependence is a Learned Behaviour not an innate trait. So don’t give yourself a hard time if you find yourself prioritizing the feelings and needs of others or if you struggle to feel entitled to ask for what you need. Instead get the support and tools you need to learn how to approach your relationships in a functional, rational, interdependent way. Co-dependence is a learned behaviour – find out more:

If your process of individuation was thwarted by your caregivers, either through their own resistance to allowing you to mature; through a death or divorce; through physical or sexual abuse; or through emotional abuse or neglect (guilt trips, manipulation, silent treatment, yelling, judging or labeling, etc.), your needs for dependence were unmet as a child, and you have come to engage in a self-defeating style of relationship called co-dependence.

In co-dependence, you focus all your energy on meeting the other person’s needs. Your happiness feels completely dependent on their happiness and, as such, you are very emotionally vulnerable and have no real sense of security or control in your life.

If your partner is unhappy, you also become unhappy or engage in some emotional and psychological gymnastics in an attempt to determine and correct “what you did”.

It is unbelievable to you that someone’s bad mood or frown doesn’t have anything to do with you. The co-dependent perspective is that you are responsible for everything people think, feel and do.

Wow! That’s a lot of responsibility. You can’t relax until everyone is okay.

And that’s why you’re so anxious and insecure and stressed all the time. That’s why you binge and feel so self-conscious about your body and that’s why your diets don’t work and you struggle day after day, year after year to get a grip on food or alcohol or money etc.

I can teach you what is really true about relationships and how to create relationships that are fulfilling and healthy.

I can show you how to do your best to create that kind of relationship with people who are already in your life and you’ll be amazed at how simple and obvious it is to do this.

Let me help you to have healthy, fulfilling relationships and to stop stressing about food and weight and look and feel great while you’re at it.

Change can be speedy and simple when you have simple, effective tools and a skilled teacher.

Email me and let’s begin some individual counselling or join the online program and get started today.

Love Michelle
mmorand@cedriccentre.com

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre

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4 Comments

  1. Anna April 8, 2011

    In the case of someone who’s individuation was thwarted by parents not allowing them to mature how were their needs for dependency not being met? It felt more that my needs for independence were not being met rather than my needs for dependence.

    reply
    • Michelle Morand April 9, 2011

      Hi Anna,
      Thank you for your question. I appreciate that you took the time to share your thoughts here.

      Needs, like most things have an upper and lower limit, just as a glass of water can be too full or too empty or a kiss can be too short or too long depending on our needs at the time.

      When our caregivers thwart our natural individuation to meet their own needs for connection or support etc. They aren’t doing it for us they are doing it for themselves, thus it’s not about us being able to depend on them it’s about us being forced to care for them and their needs to have us close. This is not dependence, we can’t lean on them really because we stuck in the extremes of having to compromise our needs to caretake for them or deal with their guilting and shaming behavior and emotions when we don’t.

      You are right too of course, your needs for independence are not being met either but you were also not truly able to depend on those people to really be there for you and to have your best interests as their first priority. Their needs, or likely, their own unhealed wounds, were driving them, not your needs as a child.

      I hope that helps.
      M

      etc.

      reply
  2. Anna April 9, 2011

    Oh my goodness Michelle ~ that explains so much of what was happening~ thank you!! I cannot over emphasize how much I appreciate the little daily bullets you send out. I get them on my RSS feed and they always hit me right in the heart! So much about the way I am is making sense after years of wondering about this stuff.

    reply
    • Michelle Morand April 10, 2011

      Hi Anna
      I’m glad that helped. Feel free to ask more questions as they pop up.

      And for those of you who are wondering what Anna means about the daily exercises she’s referring to my daily centering exercises that are little quotes and reminders of core tools. They come to your in box every day when you are a web program member. Visit our home page and click on the web program link in the top right to find out more or to register.
      You will be glad you did!

      Michelle

      reply

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