I met my objectives for the weekend (having a plan for moving forward and feeling brave enough to do it, and knowing what to do if the plan wasn’t working), so that is great.
My big aha moment came Saturday morning when we were working through my resistance to asserting myself and how the reason was because I want someone else to take care of things for me because that means they love me, and if I have to take care of things myself then that means nobody loves me.
It’s something I sort of already knew about myself but to find it so directly related to the resistance made it obvious how much of an effect it was having. It’s funny too how being aware of it as an issue doesn’t solve it (i.e., the need/desire to be taken care of is still there), but having a reason for why I find it so hard to assert myself takes all the loadedness and nebulous anxiety out of it.
I can understand now why I’ve found it so hard to do things, instead of thinking I was lazy or a great big chicken or pathetic. So most of the anxiety I was feeling about how on earth would I be able to move on with my life is gone now, which feels really good. Your advice re using the DS dialogue or LOS tool for when I’m not doing things I need to do be living with integrity was also helpful – it hadn’t occurred to me to use them in specific situations like that.
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