Posts Tagged triggers
All or nothing thinking
Posted by mmorand on December 9, 2011 This week we are reviewing the theme of ‘all or nothing thinking’ and the simplest way to help our readers to shift out of their old, deeply ingrained, all or nothing thought habits and into a more open, expansive and peaceful state of being and thinking. In a nutshell, if you’re not feeling compassion for yourself and the others that you’re interacting with in that moment (whether in your mind or in reality), you’re in all or nothing thinking. It’s that simple. You may want to read that last statement a few times to make sure it sinks in. Then read on. You can test this theory for yourself over the next few days any time you notice that you’re feeling anything other than peaceful. Whenever you notice you’re feeling anxious or unsettled; judgmental of yourself or others; blaming; resentful; impatient; etc., or using your food coping strategy (which is a clear indicator that you’re overwhelmed) simply stop and ask yourself: “What am I telling myself about this situation or person that is creating this distress?” Then stop and think, really think, about what you just told yourself. Is it true? Are you certain? You will always identify that you have just been telling yourself an all or nothing story. (more…)Tags: acceptance, all-or-nothing thinking, anxiety, body/mind/spirit, core beliefs, drill sergeant, eating disorder treatment, eating disorders, forgiveness, grounding, growing, healing, rational thinking, rebalancing, self esteem, self love, self worth, triggers
Posted in: All-or-Nothing Thinking, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Food, Relationship with Self
Leave a Comment (0) →The first step to thinking rationally (and never using food to cope again).
Posted by mmorand on November 12, 2011 This week I want to share an article with you that will get you thinking in a whole different way. If there are ever times these days, when you find yourself feeling stuck between agreeing with someone else’s perspective or holding your ground and honouring your thoughts / feelings / experience, then it is highly likely you’ve been trained to think in an all or nothing way that sounds something like this:- If I acknowledge any validity in what you are saying that means I am completely negating my perspective and that makes you “right” and me “wrong.”
- If I let you know that I understand why you think and feel as you do that means I’m saying it’s right or okay and that means you won’t take the time to acknowledge or validate my perspective, nor will you see any need to grow or change (if your perspective/approach doesn’t work for me). In other words if I acknowledge that I understand you it means I am agreeing with you and therefore I am agreeing to things continuing to be as they are; agreeing that you are “right” and therefore I am “wrong.” I’m not okay with how things are therefore I can’t acknowledge your perspective. (This, by the way, is the mentality that leads to most of the divorces in our society).
Tags: all-or-nothing thinking, challenge assumptions, communication, compulsive eating, coping with stress, emotional eating, emotions, rational thinking, stress eating, thinking rationally, triggers, using food to cope
Posted in: All-or-Nothing Thinking, newsletter, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self, Relationships 101
Leave a Comment (0) →Check Your Tone
Posted by mmorand on September 17, 2011 Hello out there! This week we are exploring a key piece of a process that I call reconnaissance (which in The CEDRIC Method means: Self-observation). This will help you to catch yourself heading into binge / purge / or restriction mode before you get there so that you can have a greater likelihood of cutting it off at the pass. It will also help you to feel more confident and secure in yourself and in your relationships with others, be it the grocery store clerk or your partner, best friend, or parent. Below are a series of questions for you to be asking yourself throughout the week when you are conversing with others and just after a conversation (whether via phone, email or in person). (more…)Tags: acceptance, anxiety, binge eating, body/mind/spirit, CEDRIC Centre, eating disorders, purging, triggers
Posted in: CEDRIC Centre
Leave a Comment (0) →Mastering The Green-Eyed Monster
Posted by mmorand on August 27, 2011 I am a specialist who works with those who are frustrated with their bodies and their relationship with food (those who binge or restrict or purge in any way). As you can imagine, in my conversations with clients, the topic of feeling envious of the seeming ease and comfort that others feel in their bodies and with food and then consequently feeling guilty/shameful for feeling envious, comes up daily. As such, I have, from my own recovery process and countless hours with clients, devised a quick little tool to shift those icky, jealous feelings and the underlying needs that triggered them. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you’ll never, ever again start to feel those stirrings of “Why them and not me!?” around those people/places/things that we would like for ourselves or conversely, “Why me and not them!!!?” around those things that we’d really have preferred not to have experienced in our brief but action-packed lives. (more…)Tags: binge eating, binging, body image, bulimia, compulsive eating, eating disorder clinics, eating disorder treatment, eating disorders, natural eating, nurturing, overeating, purging, recovery, restricting, self care, self confidence, self esteem, self love, self worth, triggers
Posted in: CEDRIC Centre
Leave a Comment (0) →Yoga and All or Nothing Thinking
Posted by Cedric on August 13, 2011 When I think back on the incredible insecurity and self-consciousness I used to feel just leaving my house in the morning, I think it’s truly remarkable that I was able to take part in classes such as yoga and meditation and personal growth workshops, etc., before my recovery from binge eating and exercise bulimia. There was something in me that knew, as there clearly is in you if you are reading this, that there had to be some way for me to be in the world without feeling so bloody small and anxious all the time. I mean, others could do it. Or at least it seemed like they could. So maybe, just maybe, I could too. And so the 20-year-old me existed with fingers crossed; breath held; hoping for the best but fearing the worst, sheepishly inching forward. Ahhh, but at least I was moving forward! (more…)Tags: all-or-nothing thinking, anorexia, anxiety, binge eating, body image, bulimia, compulsive eating, drill sergeant, eating disorder treatment, eating disorders, healthy eating, insecurity, meditation, natural eating, recovery, self care, self esteem, triggers, yoga
Posted in: All-or-Nothing Thinking
Leave a Comment (2) →I’m Lonely, How Can I Find Connection?
Posted by mmorand on August 6, 2011I’m Lonely, How Can I Find Connection?
This week I’m sharing a question that came to me through e-mail about why we might not reach out and create relationships even when we’re feeling lonely.
Hi Michelle, Thanks for sending your book, and also for the CD. I’ve read about 2/3 of it, and I am VERY impressed. I’ve always clicked with the Geneen Roth/Hirschman & Munter approach, and it has helped me in the past. But I’ve gotten stuck in certain areas, and I find your book expands on this approach and also gives such a point-by-point roadmap.
I’d also like to say what a positive experience it has been, the little amount of contact I’ve had with you and in perusing your website. I’ve made the circuit as far as e.d. treatment goes (St. Paul’s, individual counseling, VGH intensive program), and you convey such a warmth and non-clinical/non-patronizing manner. It’s very refreshing, and makes me feel hopeful.
One question that I’d be interested in your thoughts/feedback on, is with regard to unmet needs, I would say my #1 unmet need is for connection/companionship. I have no friends in my town (and only 2 friends farther way; 1 I see every couple months). And my family is not supportive/doesn’t “give” emotionally in any way. So, basically, aside from co-workers, I am completely isolated.
And yet, I don’t actually do the things I know would bring me in contact with other people and potential friends (e.g. joining a hiking club, book club, adult ed class, volunteering, etc). Sometimes I’ll push myself to do these things once, but then won’t follow through b/c I get discouraged, or don’t like it, or find it takes too much energy. I know that sometimes I don’t want to go b/c it means less time for bingeing /purging, but that’s not always the reason. I think it’s mainly a sense of hopelessness/defeat at attempting to build new friendships. Plus, to make a good new friend takes time.
So, would you say that this issue is an issue for therapy (i.e. why I don’t do what I know would result in making new connections)? Or, am I missing something? And, in the meantime, how can I learn to soothe/comfort myself with the sense of isolation? There’s not many substitutes for other human beings, even when you’re okay with alone time sometimes.Curious as to your thoughts, if you have the time to respond.K.
Thank you K for the question.
Just to paraphrase, it seems that you’d like to have life that has more friends and social connections in your town and yet you see yourself behaving in such a way that undermines the creation of those friendships. Your immediate thought, it seems, is that it has something to do with wanting to be able to be alone to engage in your binging and purging behaviour, but I think you’ve missed the mark.
The binging and purging is just a coping strategy. I don’t believe that you want to be alone to binge and purge. I believe that you feel overwhelmed and unsafe in some aspect of your life, and you use binging and purging to numb and distract you from that underlying issue. Sometimes, early on in our healing, it’s very difficult to see the distinction. But, the difference between believing food is the problem, and knowing that it’s just a coping strategy is huge!
When we’re buying in to the belief that food is the problem, we are stuck. There is no where to go with that except to control (or try to) our food even more and get more and more rigid and obsessed and then get more and more frustrated and self-critical when we aren’t successful with our more rigid guidelines which triggers us to get even more restrictive and self-critical which triggers a bigger “binge” and a greater need for isolation and withdrawal which triggers more self-criticism, and so on, and so on, and so on.
That’s the only thing that ever happens to anyone who begins to believe that their relationship with food is the reason they are: unhappy; alone; frustrated; “not good enough”; not having the life they desire or the career they desire or the partner they desire……and so on.Mountains become molehills quite quickly with this process when we remember that any focus on food or body image that isn’t about health and wellness is just a coping strategy. Did you get that? It’s a very important point and makes your relationship with food a very different experience:
Food is a coping strategy for you if you:
- Eat when you’re not hungry;
- Eat beyond the point of fullness;
- Don’t allow yourself to eat when you are hungry;
- Engage in purging with laxatives, vomiting or excessive exercise;
- Berate your body shape and size.
You may find that the underlying thoughts that trigger you to feel so overwhelmed that you need to use food to cope are old thoughts and really have no bearing on your present day reality. And yet, they are running the show, in large part, because you’re not aware that those thoughts exist, and that times have changed.
So, to begin to create change in your social life, you must start with noticing when you’re using food to cope and taking the following steps:
- Tell yourself: “Oh, I’m using my food coping strategy right now – that means I have a need that isn’t being met.”
- Ask yourself what you were just thinking or experiencing that may have triggered that unmet need.
- Ask yourself if that thought or experience, in any way, undermines your sense of comfort or safety in your life in general or in your relationships with others.
Take it from someone who used to be obsessed, 24/7 with food – what I should eat vs. what I was eating; how fat and ugly I was; how lazy I was; how I was “never” going to be happy; how I was “always” going to be fat or to be struggling with food; how I was never ever, ever going to like my body and be happy with it; and so on, and so on. You can have a peaceful and easy and natural relationship with food and be a healthy natural weight for your body without thinking about it. The first step is proving to yourself that your current focus on food and body is just a coping strategy. Once you know that, everything else can begin to change because now you’re looking in the right place for the problem, and it’s much, much easier to find the solution!
Love
Tags: anxiety, binge eating, body image, compulsive eating, core beliefs, eating disorders, self care, self esteem, self love, self worth, triggers
Posted in: CEDRIC Centre
Leave a Comment (0) →Establishing a Normal Relationship with Food
Posted by mmorand on July 30, 2011 This week, I’m writing in response to a question from a web program participant as part of a web program forum discussion about establishing a normal relationship with food. Since my answer to her question was rather lengthy and detailed and, I believe, relevant to you all, I thought I’d share the question and answer here for this week’s “Tools for Recovery” article. Question: If we’ve spent years using food to cope and stuck in the Diet Mentality, how the hell do we have a clue what is normal around what to eat and how much? Michelle’s Answer: In my own personal recovery and my 17 years as a specialist in this field, if there’s one thing I have learned, it is this: In the early stages of recovery, it is not helpful to focus on food in a structured way or to get caught up in some external meter of what to eat, when or how much. (more…)Tags: all-or-nothing thinking, anorexia, anxiety, binge eating, body image, bulimia, compulsive eating, core beliefs, drill sergeant, eating disorder treatment, eating disorders, list of stressors, natural eating, nurturing, overeating, rebalancing, recovery, self care, self esteem, self love, self worth, triggers
Posted in: CEDRIC Centre
Leave a Comment (1) →Lunch and All-or-Nothing Thinking
Posted by mmorand on July 23, 2011 Here’s a quick story about All-or-Nothing Thinking. So today, I was leisurely driving along on my way to an appointment, having left myself ample time to get from point A to point B. I had packed a lunch to take with me – a whole, skinless chicken breast that I had cooked the night before in garlic and sesame oil, (naturally making a few extra than I needed last night so my husband and I would have an easy, healthy lunch prepared); a container of fresh strawberries, washed, (I rinsed them well before I left the office this afternoon); an avocado; an apple and banana. Noticing I was feeling peckish and that my appointment was 90 minutes long, decided to eat something. I had one hand on the wheel and one hand on a chicken breast as I munched happily, listening to my favourite pop tunes playlist, which, at that point was serenading me with some vintage Fleetwood Mac, and enjoying more of that fabulous sun we’ve been having. (more…)A Personal Exploration: All-or-Nothing Thinking
Posted by mmorand on July 16, 2011 As I was walking from my friend’s house the other morning on my way to work, my mind had time to muse. It started to wander to you, my readers and the work we’ve been doing on all-or-nothing thinking. I was enjoying the warmth in the air at 8:00 am. The sun was shining. It seemed that everyone I passed had a bounce in their step as we welcomed each other warmly and celebrated the long-awaited arrival of summer. As I walked down one quiet street, a young couple emerged from their home and waved at the elderly lady next door who stood, watering her garden out front. After thanking her profusely, for what I do not know, they got in their car and zipped off down the street. (more…)Tags: acceptance, all-or-nothing thinking, anxiety, body image, body/mind/spirit, compulsive eating, core beliefs, eating disorder clinics, eating disorders, overeating, recovery, self care, self esteem, self love, self worth, triggers
Posted in: All-or-Nothing Thinking, CEDRIC Centre
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