Posts Tagged self worth

Weekly Centering Update – Summer Workshop Success!

Well! It’s been another transformative week here at CEDRIC.  Sarah Atkinson facilitated a great Phase I workshop in Victoria to a full house! And based on the feedback, it is clear that a lot of fun and learning was had by all. Our Kelowna events for Professionals and for the general public are starting to fill up which is very exciting as it’s my first offering outside of the lower mainland. I’m looking forward to it on all fronts! My sweetheart and I may even try to fit in a holiday which would be lovely in that region in the summer (if you like heat and lakes and wine…which I most certainly do!). We have a Phase II workshop the last weekend in August in Victoria which has 2 spaces left at this point (August 27 – 29th) and many more Phase I and Phase II events in Vancouver and Victoria in the fall and beyond. We are also having fun planning our first ever CEDRIC Centre tropical destination retreat! Oh Yeah!  If you have suggestions on where that might be held (your favorite destination) let us know. We welcome your suggestions. This event will likely be the first of many annual, all-inclusive, CEDRIC events and we anticipate it will happen in late February, early March, 2011 Again, feedback is welcome. Below you’ll read just some of the great feedback from our Phase I participants of last weekend. And I trust you’ll enjoy the article for this week as I respond to a question from a reader about her nighttime binging. Have a fantastic week, and don’t forget to check out the new little video we’ve got as an intro to the CEDRIC Centre on our home page. I think the folks who made it did a great job! Love The CEDRIC Centre - Michelle Morand Phase I Weekend Workshop Feedback, July 16 – 18, 2010 “The resources were great!” “The honesty and personal disclosures of the counsellor really helped and gave me hope and faith in this process.” “I loved the Drill Sgt. dialogue!” “It was absolutely amazing!” “For the last 3 days I was able to feel relaxed about food!” “I am so grateful that I now have concrete tools I can take with me and use when I need them!” “The breathing exercise was so helpful!” “This is a great workshop and it has definitely opened my eyes!” “It was such a safe, comfortable and supportive setting.” “I liked how, if I wasn’t able to express myself fully on an issue, someone else always touched on it for me inadvertently.” “I loved the lunchtime exercise and how I was able to check in about my hunger and fullness and then talk about it later as a group.” “I loved the healthy assortment of food and teas!” “I liked the progression of the weekend from food, to self, to others.” “You are a personable facilitator, Sarah, who was perceptive in your interactions with the group!”

Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self, workshops

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Back to the Basics of How to Overcome an Eating Disorder

How to Overcome an Eating DisorderFor this week’s article I thought a wee review (intro to you newcomers) of a basic principle on how to overcome an eating disorder would be in order. In my own healing journey, the more I was reminded of this basic premise, the faster things went and the easier life became. I see this phenomenon repeating with my individual clients as well, so here goes. Simply put, if you’re restricting, overeating, purging, hating your body (no matter whether you’re truly overweight or underweight), feeling depressed, feeling anxious, drinking often, taking drugs, numbing out regularly to the T.V., or spending money you don’t really have on stuff you don’t really need, you are using a coping strategy. (more…)

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Stay with Yourself

A topic that comes up often enough in my sessions with clients is that of not really believing or trusting the “reassuring” and “supportive” comments of the Drill Sgt. (your inner critic/champion). What I mean is that, once you’ve identified that your Drill Sgt. is criticizing you for something and have used one of the CEDRIC tools to figure out what he’s really on about, it is common early in this healing process to want to reframe his well-intentioned but poorly-communicated support into a strong, confident statement of absolute belief and trust in our ability to succeed. This actually backfires, believe it or not, and we end up feeling just as estranged from ourselves but now we believe we don’t even have a tool we can use to help because we tried it and it didn’t work! Not quite true. (more…)

Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self

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Setting Reasonable Goals

setting reasonable goalsI’ll bet you know something about goal setting. I’d actually be willing to bet that you’re very good at setting yourself goals each and every day about what you’ll eat, what you won’t eat, when, how much exercise you’ll do, how much sleep you’ll get, whose call you’ll return and how much you’ll get done at work or around the house. Chances are, you’re really skilled at setting goals. But…how often do you actually follow through with them? How often do you get to the end of your day feeling peaceful and relaxed that you achieved what you had asked of yourself that day? If, more often than not, you reflect on your day,  and hear the Drill Sgt.’s critical voice in your head pointing out your shortcomings, it’s a good indication that you did not achieve the goals you set for yourself that day. Same goes for those of you who wake up in the morning to the Drill Sgt. telling you what you will and won’t do that day to make up for what you did/didn’t do the day before. (more…)

Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self

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CEDRIC’s Weekly Update for Week 24, 2010

CEDRIC Centre Weekly Update We’ve had another busy, busy week with new individual counselling clients, new intensive healing retreats starting, lots of registration for our Victoria Phase I workshop (still a few spaces left), book sales, web program registrants and new newsletter readers. So if you’ve been carrying the belief that you’re alone in your stressful relationship with food; that you are the only one who suffers from anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, diet mentality, body image nasties that just won’t leave you alone, here’s proof that there are many men and women out there in the world who are tired of those old behaviours and are ready to try something that actually works to reach their goals of a healthy, sexy, natural weight for their body and an easy, peaceful relationship with food. Ahhhh, you can feel the peace descend! Our programs and events are popular because they work, and quickly too! Not years later, but now, when you begin. We are very excited about our new centre in Vancouver opening in September, and have plans to offer workshops in Kelowna and Calgary through the summer or early in the fall, so there will be even more opportunity if you live elsewhere in Canada to attend a transformative 3-day workshop! And if you live in Europe or the USA, just let us know if you’d like us to bring a 3-day event to you and we’ll do our best to make it so! Have a fabulous week of growth and change. Love The CEDRIC Centre - Michelle Morand

Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Self, The CEDRIC Centre Weekly Update, workshops

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Afraid to Make Mistakes?

Afraid to Make MistakesEver feel afraid to make mistakes? You can’t expect yourself to do something perfectly the first time around. In fact, you won’t be perfect (i.e. never make mistakes) right out of the gate (or ever for that matter). If you expect that or believe that there are others who are able to do that, you will sabotage yourself and you will never move forward. If you carry the belief that you have to be perfect and that if you can’t be perfect and guarantee that you’ll not make a mistake you’re not even going to bother trying something, not only are you going to experience a very stifled and rigid existence but you’ll probably feel anxious and on the verge of a breakdown most of the time. That kind of thinking is supreme all-or-nothing thinking and it is what is keeping you stuck in all areas of your life, guaranteed. If you use food to cope, you likely had a primary caregiver or mentor in your life who did not allow mistakes, someone who shamed, blamed, criticized or judged you for not doing something perfectly – or rather the way they thought it should be done. (more…)

Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Natural Eating 101, Relationship with Self

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CEDRIC’s Weekly Update for Week 23, 2010

CEDRIC Centre Weekly UpdateWelcome to the CEDRIC Centre’s blog. This is the best place online to make lasting and complete changes to your stressful relationship with food, as well as any other stressful circumstances whether in relation to your self-regard, your relationships or your career. Many would say that we are the experts in getting you from “I’m stuck” to unstuck. Our very simple, quick, and effective method for removing all the barriers to your success, while simultaneously teaching you new ways of approaching food and other stressors, works for every harmful coping strategy and for every age, male or female. So whether you overeat, restrict, purge, drink, procrastinate, get stuck in harmful or unsatisfying relationships, feel unfulfilled in your career, or struggle with family connections, our method will show you, simply and speedily, how to create the change you seek in all areas of your life. Don’t waste another day feeling stuck and stressed out. Regardless of what you may have tried in the past, I can guarantee you, you’ve never tried this because if you had, you wouldn’t still be seeking a solution. Guaranteed! CEDRIC’s Weekly Update Hello out there! It’s been a supremely busy week here at CEDRIC! Wow! We’ve had many new clients reaching out to us from different parts of the world (thank you Skype!) who are exploring the many different services we have to offer. It finally feels like my dream of a centre that provides a sense of community and connectedness for those who struggle with food and body frustration is coming true!! Last night I gave a presentation to a large group of counselling professionals in Victoria.  And I will be traveling to Kelowna and Calgary in the Summer (or early Fall) to present to professionals and to the general public there. We may even hold our very, very first 3-day transformative workshop in Kelowna and Calgary. There definitely seems to be a lot of interest, and I can appreciate it’s easier for me to travel to you than for all of you to travel to me!  If you’re interested in an event in your city, or if you live in Kelowna or Calgary and want to be kept informed of events, let me know. Clearly, people are getting interested in what we have to offer and with our individual counselling, our workshops, our book and other materials and now our new Web-Based program for complete recovery, we are finally able to offer what seems to be the perfect blend of counselling support, resources, peer connection (as much or as little as you like) and healing at a price that everyone can truly afford. Yay!!!!!!!! In case you didn’t read the article from last week, entitled “Review Time” I’ve included a piece of feedback I received from a reader about their experience of the article. Our blog and newsletter provide you with free tools every week so that you can start to better understand why you do what you do with food and what you can start to do to achieve complete freedom. Don’t buy into the old bogus story that certain professionals still push, and therefore, certain of your friends and family might still believe, that once you’ve got an eating disorder, you’ve got it for life. That is so untrue and I find it ridiculous and frustrating that people are told such things. It is akin to the old story that the world is flat, or that cigarettes are really good for you! It is so very common for people who work with us for just a few months to walk away with complete freedom – that lasts!  Sometimes a person’s process takes a bit longer, but never are they stuck with a stressful relationship with food for life. You see, most approaches to eating disorder treatment never actually help you to understand the underlying triggers, separate from food and body image, that you experience in your day-to-day world. You just can’t be truly successful in any lasting way with just a meal plan and some medication to level out your emotions. The problem isn’t solved, just masked over. And what will happen if for some reason you forget or want to stop following your meal plan? Have you learned to trust yourself around food and to eat when hungry and stop when full? Likely not. Complete and lasting recovery from any harmful relationship with food such as dieting, compulsive overeating, bulimia, and anorexia requires you to be able to trust yourself around food. And that’s really not that hard to do when you are able to understand why you developed that stressful connection in the first place and what you can do, now, in the present to attend to that underlying trigger in a way that truly demonstrates respect for you. So, if you’re on the sidelines wondering if, after all the other things you’ve tried, you could possibly be successful and truly free, the answer is a resounding YES!!! You just have to try something that actually works! And here we are! Here’s Judy’s feedback from last week’s article: “I love how you simplify this! I have spent my life in the all-or-nothing mode, and now I see how this thinking is affecting so many aspects of my life. I would have never identified it as having anything to do with my out-of-balance eating behaviours! Very enlightening. Practicing telling myself the truth is like whacking my way through dense underbrush one step at a time. The all-or-nothing way has become such a well worn pathway, and a hard one to leave behind. Thank you Michelle.” Thank you Judy!  I’m so glad that this clicked for you! Have a great week everyone. Love The CEDRIC Centre - Michelle Morand

Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Self, The CEDRIC Centre Weekly Update, workshops

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Review Time – Overcoming Your Problems With Food

Overcoming Your Problems With FoodThis week’s article is a brief review of one of the most important, fundamental, basic concepts in the entire recovery process. The faster you grasp this the faster your process goes. It’s that simple. When we work with clients, whether individually, on the phone or in person, at workshops, and through our amazing, interactive web program that help you with overcoming your problems with food, we always repeat this point, and repeat it and repeat it. It is key! Write it out, paste it to your mirror, your fridge, and your forehead! You might get some strange looks, but in a week you will be so much farther ahead in your own healing and your self-esteem will be so much greater, you won’t care! (more…)

Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Self, workshops

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CEDRIC’s Weekly Update for Week 22, 2010

CEDRIC Centre Weekly UpdateWelcome to the CEDRIC Centre’s blog. This is the best place online to make lasting and complete changes to your stressful relationship with food, as well as any other stressful circumstances whether in relation to your self-regard, your relationships or your career. Many would say that we are the experts in getting you from “I’m stuck” to unstuck. Our very simple, quick, and effective method for removing all the barriers to your success, while simultaneously teaching you new ways of approaching food and other stressors, works for every harmful coping strategy and for every age, male or female. So whether you overeat, restrict, purge, drink, procrastinate, get stuck in harmful or unsatisfying relationships, feel unfulfilled in your career, or struggle with family connections, our method will show you, simply and speedily, how to create the change you seek in all areas of your life. Don’t waste another day feeling stuck and stressed out. Regardless of what you may have tried in the past, I can guarantee you, you’ve never tried this because if you had, you wouldn’t still be seeking a solution. Guaranteed! CEDRIC’s Weekly Update This week has been a beautiful blend of individual clients, web program connections, groups, workshop preparation and community outreach. I’ve been very touched to receive many calls and emails from past clients expressing their appreciation for the freedom and peace they experience in their lives as a result of their work with us. I know from personal experience through my own eating disorder (binge eating and exercise bulimia) that freedom from the 24/7 food and body focus is so incredibly amazing, it’s truly like starting to live for the very first time. Here’s a little of the feedback for you to enjoy with me. And remember, if you’re not experiencing this kind of peace and freedom yourself that’s only because you need a few simple tools and some support to learn how to use them. A few weeks with this process and your life will be changed for the better forever, and it will just keep getting better and better! “There isn’t a day that goes by that you and your wonderful centre don’t enter my mind!” “Thank you so much for your counselling and your support, I will always be so thankful and have you in the back of my mind if I feel myself slipping in the whole ways. It feels so good to have food as a friend.” “I must have connected with some things that we worked on last year as I am more content with life and losing weight.” “Thank you also for the inspiring book and all the brilliant and effective tools you provide in the online programme. You are truly saving my life.” And, a reminder that our summer workshops are coming up fast! On the weekend of July 16-18, you can come to a Phase I workshop in either Victoria or Vancouver, and on August 27-29, you can join us for Phase II in Victoria. Our 3-day transformational workshops are truly that. They don’t just get you to stop binging or purging or restricting, they give you the solutions to the underlying problems in your life. When you remove underlying triggers, you have absolutely no need and no desire to continue in your stressful relationship with food and you are free to choose not to. Really, it becomes a choice – your choice! Have a great week! Love The CEDRIC Centre - Michelle Morand

Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Self, The CEDRIC Centre Weekly Update, workshops

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How Do I Feel Peaceful When I Know Someone is Angry or Upset with Me?

This question comes up often in my work with clients, and rightly so. There is much confusion about the distinction between co-dependency and the insecurity it fosters and healthy interdependence and the natural and appropriate concern and consideration of others that it contains. Many spiritual teachers would say that no one can be truly upset with you. They would say that at best people can be upset by the stories they are telling themselves about you that are triggered by their assumptions and projections of who you are and who you should be and by their story that you are responsible for their needs in some way. Thus, when someone is “upset with you” they are merely upset that you are not living up to the projection and stories they have in their heads about what you should or shouldn’t do/say or be. I will say that I find incredible peace and enjoyment in my relationships with others when, if I notice I’m starting to get angry, hurt or anxious, in relation to someone, I separate my “story” of what someone should or shouldn’t have done from the truth of what they actually did and seek to understand their motivation (ie. the needs they were seeking to meet); discuss with the situation with them from a place of seeking to understand and to be understood (rather than seeking to be ‘right’ and the other ‘wrong’); and (in most cases) come to a solution that truly meets both parties needs. In other words, the less I take other people’s behaviour personally and simply see it as their best attempt to meet their own needs in that moment, the happier I am in my relationships and resentments just don’t accumulate. And, if we find that we have too many differences in values or beliefs in our relationship with someone, we can detach from that person from a place of loving and respecting them for who they are while simultaneously recognizing that we are not a match for partnership/friendship/peer relationship, etc. We don’t have to “reject” or “ostracize” the other person simply because we are not a fit. It is not either or; all-or-nothing. In my experience, that philosophy only works when you have a few key pieces beneath your belt.
  1. You know what your values and principles are and you know that you are honoring them in your relationships with others (regardless of their perception or judgement of you).
  2. You are conscious of your intention in your interaction with others and you know that it is/was in alignment with your values and principles. (This provides you with the powerful gift of integrity which provides a sense of solidity, strength and peace that is unparalleled in the human experience).
  3. You have the courage and the skills to speak respectfully, clearly, and concisely about what you are feeling and about what you are witnessing in the other person, without taking it on (ie. are you mad at me?), and thus you trust yourself to seek to understand them first, and then to be understood by them (if necessary – I find that often when I truly understand someone else’s intent/thought process that is sufficient for me to let the situation rest).
Because you know what your values and principles are and because you know you acted from your best intention in your interactions with whomever you are relating to, you are not going to feel “bad” or “wrong” or immediately shameful when someone is upset or angry with you. Instead, you will feel a healthy concern for them and for the relationship between you two. You will communicate directly and clearly about what you’re witnessing, you’ll ask questions about what’s going on for the other person, and if you should discover that, unbeknownst to you, you did do something that did not honor your values and principles and did not meet needs for the other person, you’ll offer a full apology: “I am sorry that I….. I understand how that impacted you (here you clearly state your understanding of the impact of your actions so the other person can hear that you really “get it” or so they can clarify if your understanding isn’t full)….I offer you my reassurance that I won’t do that again (if you can make that commitment – if not, be honest about what you can commit to and why)…Is there anything more that you need from me in order to completely step past this?” We offer this apology only when we truly feel that we have compromised our own values and principles and acted from a place that is not our best self. We don’t offer this apology when we acted with integrity and it didn’t meet needs for the other person. In that case we offer a statement like this: “I understand that what I did did not meet needs for X (trust, safety, reliability, friendship, etc.) for you and that you would like some reassurance that I will not do that again. I cannot commit to that. I would like to explain the reason that I did/said what I did/said and see if there is some way that we can both get what we need in ways that feel honoring to us both. Would you be willing to hear my perspective?” What are we going to feel if the other person doesn’t say yes? Well, if we’re solid in our values and principles and the integrity of our actions, we’re going to feel acceptance, “Oh, well, let me know if you’d like to talk about this another time.”  We may feel some degree of sadness that the other is choosing to misunderstand us and that that means our relationship, at least for now, is compromised to some extent. This is not codependence. This is interdependence. If I were to panic, get hooked on having the other person’s approval and understanding, lose sight of my own values and principles and my own sense of the intention of my actions, in favor of this person’s judgement of me, that is co-dependence. To be concerned about the quality of your bond with someone; to want to be understood; to desire to be given the benefit of the doubt; to want others to think fondly of you, is healthy, normal human behaviour. We are pack animals after all. We need each other for our survival, physically and emotionally (less and less intimately, as our society develops, but we need each other nonetheless). Where it turns from healthy concern and interdependence to obsession and co-dependency is when you are willing to compromise your own values and principles and integrity to get someone to like you or to be “happy with you.” Here we have a problem, a big one. This is the place where we will feel anxious most of the time, where we will use food or alcohol or shopping or isolation or procrastination to cope with our feelings of insecurity/anxiety that are triggered by our unmet needs for acceptance and for self-esteem. You see, as long as I am even willing to consider compromising my values and principles (including my self-care) for someone else, I am diminishing my self-esteem, I am deepening my insecurity, and I am actually doing harm to any relationship in which I choose to do that. I am inviting abusive, dysfunctional people into my world. We only feel uneasy or downright anxious/panicked within when we feel that we have needs that aren’t being met. So if we’re anxious about what’s happening in a relationship or what we think someone is thinking/feeling towards us, it is simply an indicator that we have needs in that situation that aren’t being met (they might be in our head or they might be real). We have to ask ourselves what we are telling ourselves about the needs we have that we believe must get met through this person. This is us putting our happiness and our power in someone else’s hands. We must remind ourselves immediately and frequently that there is never just one person who can meet certain needs for us. There is always an option for you to get needs met from more than one person. Our responsibility in relationships with others is to honor our values and principles, and to communicate clearly and respectfully. If it seems someone is upset with us, our responsibility is to check in with ourselves as to whether we can identify something we did/said that compromised our values and principles in this relationship and if we can’t, identify any such action within 10 seconds of introspection, we must trust that our intention was good and that any action on our part that “hurt” someone else was either nothing to do with us at all or an unconscious oversight on our part, ie. an accident, a mistake, and we must forgive ourselves and are entitled to forgiveness from others. We let go any self-judgement and just ask the other person what’s up. (This is easy to do when we are clear in the integrity of our actions, less so when we know we have done something that compromised our values – in this latter situation we go to apology #1). When you know that you honored, to the best of your ability, your values and principles in your actions; when you know that your intention was good and coming from your highest self, you have integrity, you have peace; you have strength within. From this place, you can hear that you inadvertently offended, hurt, angered, frightened someone and you can take full responsibility for that without feeling like you are a bad person, wrong or diminished in any way. Even if it turns out that, unconsciously, you did compromise your values in a certain action, you can take full responsibility and apologize for that without feeling at all diminished or bad. It was a mistake, you did not mean to do it or do it at all consciously. You acknowledge it, you learn from it, and you grow and move on. A healthy interdependent person will offer empathy and compassion, trusting themselves to set clear boundaries about what they need and thus be able to communicate clearly and respectfully about what isn’t feeling okay to them without shame, blame, or rejection.  When you are clear on your values and principles and the intention behind your actions and you seek to understand the intention of others, you will find that any old co-dependent connections either quickly become interdependent ones or fall away and you are left with connections where people are more interested in taking responsibility for themselves and in having a warm and intimate connection with you than they are in controlling you and in being “right.” Values, principles and best intention = Integrity = Peace Have a great week! Love The CEDRIC Centre - Michelle Morand Whether you prefer one-on-one counselling (in-person, by phone, or email), our intensive and transformative workshops, the self-help approach with the book, or our Food is Not the Problem Online Membership Program, take action today to have a stress-free relationship with food. Sign up for our free newsletter today (see the left top side of your screen). Newsletter subscribers receive exclusive product discounts and are first in line to get on all the latest new at CEDRIC. © Michelle Morand, 2010

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