Posts Tagged internal critic
Posted by Cedric on April 5, 2009
The sap must be rising, because my eyes keep leaking. On the verge of tears these days, a commercial can set me off about some non-crying thing and away I go, boohooing again, with streaks on my cheeks. Also, I was so anxious yesterday as I performed tasks that I am competent at, although it involved dealing with strangers. I am always leery of random people, I have good reason, but that’s another story. But this is out of character for me. Its not like me to be timid, to trip over my tongue when talking to strangers or to feel so fragile.
I realize that in reading about how to cope with my issues, in the book that my boss, Michelle Morand wrote (Food is not the problem- Deal with What is!) I am learning things that are making my internal censor incensed. He’s kicked it up a notch and the infernal belabouring has increased to fever pitch. I notice that I over-analyze, read too much into things, second guess myself, talk myself out of things that I need like to go for a walk, before I’ve even solidified the thought. I seem to have a black cloud over me that makes me be a negative nelly about anything. And don’t let me hear that the bears are skinny in the Great Bear Rainforest. I carried THAT bit of grief around all week when I found out about it.
Normally I would note the ecological travesty and then get on with my life, but for some reason, these days, as I process the things from my misbegotten past that have given me enough grief to pad my self with this much excess, I am noticing that I not only have to deal with loose cannons in my physical world, but that I have a loose cannon in my own mind, as the Drill Sergeant has amplified his messages, deepened his nosiness and is acting like he’s on steroids. (more…)
