Posts Tagged insecurity

Self-Care, Part 2

Self-CareHello All!  I hope you had a positive and forward-moving week. This is week two in our series on Self-Care.  If you haven’t read last week’s post, click here to access The First Step to Self-Care. Last week we explored the different roles you have in your life and took a look at what you currently do in those roles vs. what you expect of yourself or what you’d like to see yourself doing based on your core values. Next week we are going to pick up where we left off with the identification and articulation of our goals and come up with three small steps that you can take over the next little while for each of your goals to ease your transition from “here” to “there.”  Any lasting change to our thinking and our behaviour comes gradually. It just doesn’t stick if we try to rush it. That’s because we don’t have the understanding or the life experiences that help us see the value in sustaining that change when we rush it rather than truly embody it.  We also need to learn to make space in our daily lives for these new and different behaviours and, when we already have full-to-bursting lives where many things are falling through the cracks, it takes some time to create the space for something new without simultaneously increasing your stress level (which rather defeats the purpose of any new life enhancing behaviour, I think). (more…)

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self

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What Can I Know For Certain?

If we have fallen into the behaviour of overeating, restricting or purging – in other words: If we use food to cope, we can absolutely know a few key things about ourselves that can really help us in our recovery.
  1. First, we can absolutely know for certain that we struggle with insecurities about our abilities; our intellect; our lovability; our acceptability and our appearance.
  2. Second, we can absolutely know for certain that those insecurities are borne of old stories; messages we were told or that we interpreted from other people’s body language or treatment of us and that those old stories are shaping our perception of ourselves today.
  3. Next, we can absolutely know for certain that these old stories that trigger you to feel insecure trigger an emotion we call “anxiety.”
  4. And without a doubt you can know that it is the anxiety you feel, that arises from these old stories about what’s wrong with you, that triggers you to focus on your body and on food in a way that is critical, undermining and stifling of your energy and creativity in life.
Without exception you can know these 4 things are true about yourself if you use food to cope. (ie. eat when you’re not hungry; eat more than you’re hungry for; or don’t allow yourself to eat when you are hungry). (more…)

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self

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Life is Beautiful

Life is beautiful. It is complex and it has many twists and turns, but it has a quality of freedom and the opportunity for constant self-creationism that, with the right mindset, allows each of us to feel exuberant, passionate, alive and fulfilled whether we are accepting a Nobel prize, giving birth, beginning or ending a relationship, washing the dishes or stuck in rush-hour traffic. But what about someone who doesn’t have the “right” mindset? What about someone who, however it came to be, doesn’t see the world as their oyster of creation but instead sees themselves as undeserving of what they desire; who sees themselves as “not good enough”?  How do they navigate the stress of accepting an award, having a child, ending a relationship or that inevitable traffic jam? Mostly likely they’ve developed patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving called “coping strategies” that allow them to feel some degree of safety and security in their world. Coping strategies take many forms.  One primary coping strategy that many people in our society develop is a preoccupation with appearance and with their relationship with food, either in a restricting or overeating way. (more…)

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self, workshops

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Exploring the Fear of Judgement

All weight problems are simply a reflection of a lack of balance within. That’s all. Emotionally and physically you’re out of balance.  Your priorities are skewed and they need to be tweaked so that you really embody the belief that your needs and your health are the most important things in your world. Now, rather than feeling “outed” by this statement and that everyone you meet is going to “know” you’re out of balance, could you allow yourself instead to just accept the truth of it? Instead of trying to protect yourself from the truth of your lack of balance, how about asking the question: “What’s the fastest, most effective and lasting solution to this problem?” (more…)

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self, workshops

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First Comes Love, Then Comes Obesity

So reads the heading from an article in the July 6th issue of Time Magazine. Even though my skin was bristling at the glib headline, I felt obligated as a professional and specialist in the field of eating disorders and overeating to read it and find out what they had to say. I was not impressed with the simplicity and surface level of the conclusions they drew but I did find the statistics interesting. I’m going to share their conclusions with you and then take them a step further and explain, on a deeper level, why their results were so. (more…)

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others

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The Main Barrier to Freedom

Your rate of recovery from your stressful relationship with food depends on your readiness for change.  For example, I have worked with many people who have struggled for years, even decades with overeating, restricting and/or purging, and within 5 or 6 sessions, they are transformed, feeling clear, purposeful and trusting in their ability to no longer use food to cope.  Yet others may take a few months or a year or two to get to the same place.  And that’s perfectly fine. There is no right or wrong way to move through the healing process.  It’s a completely personal experience and the length of the healing journey depends on many factors but the most important thing for us all is this: (more…)

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self, workshops

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The Power of Thought

For thousands of years many cultures have held a belief in a very powerful philosophy, the gist of which is: we create our thoughts, and our thoughts create our life as we know itBecause our thoughts are our very own creation, we alone have the power to change them and therefore to change our entire experience of life as we know it. (more…)

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Feeling Resentful

Feeling ResentfulFeeling Resentful Anyone?

Hello out there!

What you’ve got in front of you is a fairly lengthy, but I trust, extremely helpful and informative article on how your feelings of frustration, resentment and insecurity in your relationships with others are really stemming from unconscious assumptions that you have made about the other person or about relationships on the whole.

I then share with you some concrete suggestions for what to do when you realize you’ve made assumptions and how to get to a place of peace within yourself and within the relationship. And, when you feel more peaceful and secure in yourself and in your relationships you will feel less inclination to use food to cope, guaranteed.

I hope you enjoy it and benefit from the tools!

P.S. Dn’t forget to email me and share your thoughts / experiences with these tools. And if you want more tools and articles make sure you’re signed up for our free bi-weekly newsletter: Food is not the Problem: Find out what is!

Have a great read.

Love Michelle

The problem with assumptions is not that we make them – although that does often cause resentment and confusion in our relationships with others – no, the real problem with assumptions is that most of the time we don’t even know we’ve made them – or that someone else has made some about us – until something happens in the relationship, contrary to our unconscious assumptions, and we feel the sting of perceived betrayal or the pain and grief of conflict where we thought we had unspoken agreement.

We typically just assume that others share our values and that their definition for, say, reliability, is the same as ours. We assume others think like us, feel like us, and will act like us in similar circumstances and when they don’t – and they won’t –we feel betrayed, misled, and start to question who this imposter is and what happened to the person we though we were in a relationship with!

This is a key step in the relationship process; seeing the person as they really are and not as we assume, and therefore expect, them to be. It’s the point at which we have the opportunity to step into true, adult love. Or, it could be the point at which we realize we really don’t like who this person really is now that the blinders are off. Either way it’s a very significant point in life. But this key moment of true seeing that comes to all relationships in time, is also limited by any other assumptions we’ve made about who this person is that we haven’t yet uncovered. In other words, often, at the same time as we’re seeing that we’ve made some erroneous assumptions (ie. reliability doesn’t mean the same thing to you as it does to me), we’re often still being unconsciously driven by other assumptions (ie. that you will surely see that my definition of reliability is the “right” one and you will change your behaviour to coincide with my definition) that have not yet been revealed to us.  Sound like Greek?


Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self

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Tina’s Journey – ‘Not Good Enough’ – Jealousy and Grounding

Tina's Journey - ‘Not Good Enough’The following concludes my February ponderance on the Drill Sergeant, as I have been isolating and recording my responses around the internal critic, holding the curious thing up in the light to turn it every which way and inspect it. The Drill Sergeant nailed me good last night. I felt it loud and clear in my mind and heart as my beloved hubby related a conversation he had with a woman while he was away on business and I instantly went to that hurt place and let the Drill Sergeant rip a real strip off of me. The woman had invited us to her place in the Okanagan, where she has peach orchards. Instantly, my DS roared to life. I hadn’t seen hubby but for one 24 hour period in the past 10 days of his hectic travel schedule. When he got home, it was good to snuggle up with him and catch up. Instead, his mention of this woman set the Drill Sergeant loose in me INSTANTANEOUSLY and all of a sudden I was thinking… “Why don’t you have acreage?” the petulant voice echoed in my skull. “Why was he talking to her on the computer when he knew he had you to talk to?” it went on. “You know he’s going to find out the truth about you when someone more suited to him comes along… like this woman he’s telling you about.” “He’s talking to a woman who is more deserving of him…” Would I accept this kind of conversation from anyone else in my world? Of course not. So why do I have to listen to it between my own two ears? (more…)

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