Posts Tagged codependency
Last week one of those group chain emails came across my desk. I normally just delete them immediately as I’m not a big fan of the “pressure” / manipulation / magical thinking they usually apply at the end to send it along. The threat or promise that something significant will happen to me based on me forwarding a mass email – the good old chain letter superstition – has never been anything I felt a genuine desire to agree to. And, with rare exceptions, the messages don’t seem all that noteworthy (speaking for my own in-box of course, perhaps your friends send you better ones!).
By request I am writing this week on the topic of Internal and External Locus of Control. Chapter 11 of my book, Food is Not the Problem: Deal With What Is! is entirely dedicated to this topic as it is a key piece in the puzzle of why you use harmful coping strategies and why it’s so hard for you to stop.
One of my favorite authors, Don Miguel Ruiz, in his book The Four Agreements talks about the ancient Toltec philosophy which has four basic tenants:
He insists in his book that we are all living on a potential “heaven on earth” but, because of our lack of training and adherence to these basic tenants, we are truly living in hell.
- Always do your best
- Always be impeccable with your word
- Don’t take anything personally
- Don’t make assumptions
Hey, out there!
I was just getting ready for my day and my mind was reflecting on a few recent events in my life and noticing a commonality between them. So naturally I thought I’d share these reflections with you.
It seems that the overall lesson is that when life presents us with an opportunity to change a harmful pattern we have two choices (assuming we’re conscious enough of the pattern to see it in the first place):
1. We can see the opportunity to do things differently and choose to do things the same old way anyway. Usually we make this choice out of fear of change or fear of angering or disappointing someone if we were to behave differently than they “expect.”
2. We can see the opportunity and choose to do things differently because we know what will happen if we do it the old way and we’re either sick and tired of the old way or we feel deserving of stepping free from the old, harmful pattern. Interestingly here, it doesn’t matter which it is that motivates the change, as long as we respond differently our perspective on ourselves and on any similar situations in the future will be forever changed. I find that truth very, very exciting!! I don’t have to do “it” perfectly I just have to do it differently! I can handle that, and, I’m willing to bet, so can you!