Posts Tagged bulimia

CEDRIC’s Weekly Update – Week 14 2010

CEDRIC Centre Weekly UpdateWelcome to the CEDRIC Centre’s blog. This is the best place online to make lasting and complete changes to your stressful relationship with food, as well as any other stressful circumstances whether in relation to your self-regard, your relationships or your career. Many would say that we are the experts in getting you from “I’m stuck” to unstuck. Our very simple, quick, and effective method for removing all the barriers to your success, while simultaneously teaching you new ways of approaching food and other stressors, works for every harmful coping strategy and for every age, male or female. So whether you overeat, restrict, purge, drink, procrastinate, get stuck in harmful or unsatisfying relationships, feel unfulfilled in your career, or struggle with family connections, our method will show you, simply and speedily, how to create the change you seek in all areas of your life. Don’t waste another day feeling stuck and stressed out. Regardless of what you may have tried in the past, I can guarantee you, you’ve never tried this because if you had, you wouldn’t still be seeking a solution. Guaranteed!

Latest Happenings

Well! Last week was lovely for me personally as my husband and son celebrated their birthdays at a family dinner. The 4-day weekend for Easter break was a very special treat for me as I rarely take that full weekend off. We enjoyed our standard Easter Sunday egg hunt with our dear friends and their children, this time we had the hunt outside and a fun treasure hunt inside. It was lovely to just hang out with my children and putter (a very rare opportunity!). Of course the puttering included a few games of laser tag for my son’s birthday, meal prep for the big dinner, and the usual laundry, dishes, rides for kids here and there, and the sorting out of smallish family issues. It was, upon reflection, a very busy weekend! Yet, I feel relaxed, peaceful and very content as I sit at my computer on Tuesday morning and prepare for my day. I think the trick to experiencing a state of peace most of the time is to become adept at recognizing the cues that tell you when you’re feeling not-peace. Cues like a little butterfly or a whole herd of buffalo in your tummy; a tight chest; holding your breath; tension in your shoulders and neck and/or jaw; focusing on food and body image either through overeating or restricting; a very busy mind that is either ruminating on a problem or jumping willy nilly from one thought to another are all indicators that you’re feeling unsettled/anxious and therefore, not peaceful. Once you recognize that you are doing any of the above and are therefore feeling unsettled, the practice of simply acknowledging that you’re not peaceful will bring you more into the present moment. This instantly creates a greater sense of peace and strength in you as you are more grounded in the here and now. And from this place it feels much safer and easier to simply check in about what might be creating the distress. My latest series of articles speaks more to this process, and this week’s article offers you a deeper and more specific education into the primary culprit within you; all-or-nothing thinking. As for goings on this week. Sarah continues her Monday night group with a great group of women. I’m excited for them and all of the learning that will come their way over the next 12 weeks.

Upcoming Victoria and Vancouver workshops

I’m busy preparing for our Vancouver Phase I workshop on the 23 – 25 of April (10 – 5 each day). It’s being held downtown at the private office of a colleague of mine, at a lovely character building on the corner of Granville and W. Hastings. If you are tired of food and body distress taking up more of your time than you’d like and robbing you of the quality of life you’d like to have, this event is the event for you. There is no reason to keep feeling stuck and like time’s a wastin’ when in 3 days you can “get” it and move on with a whole new perspective and a whole new set of tools to handle anything life brings your way. If you’d prefer a Victoria event we are offering our next Phase I in Victoria on May 14 – 16th.

Our Food is Not the Problem Online Program

Also, our amazing web-based program for complete recovery is being offered with absolutely no sign up fee this month. You can start your healing today for the simple monthly membership fee of $33.00! Current participants claim that the daily centering exercises alone are worth well over the full cost of the program but you get so much more than the brief daily meditations. Have a snoop and see all of the tools and resources that are available to you as a member of our innovative program. Email me if you have any questions, I’m happy to help.

Upcoming Events – Come and meet me in person!

  • The weekend of April 30 – May 2 I’ll be at the Wellness Show at the Convention Centre at the Pan Pacific Hotel in downtown Vancouver.
  • Saturday the 1st of May @ 5:45 pm I’ll be presenting a seminar called: Practical and Effective Tools for Overcoming Emotional, Psychological and Physical Barriers to Optimum Health.
  • Sunday the 2nd @ 11:00 am I’m presenting a talk called: Food is Not the Problem: Deal With What Is! where I’ll outline the basics of complete recovery from any stressful connection with food and/or body image.
If you’re interested in complete and lasting recovery from a stressful or unsatisfying relationship with food and with your body, consider joining me for one of the above events or contacting us for an individual counselling session or full semi-residential healing plan. We truly do offer something for every one of every age, financial consideration and level of need. Contact us today and let us know what you would like to see happening differently in your world. We’ll tell you how we can help you make that vision a reality. Have a wonderful week! Love The CEDRIC Centre - Michelle Morand

Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self, The CEDRIC Centre Weekly Update

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When You Have to Restrict for Your Health

health2A few weeks ago, I gave a presentation at the Victoria Health Show entitled: Practical and effective tools for overcoming emotional, psychological and physical barriers to optimum health. Yes, quite the mouthful, but….interestingly enough it was the most well-attended talk I’ve ever offered in my 10 years of Health Show lecturing. Things that make you go, hmmmmm. Obviously one reason for the increased attendance is that the topic is broader than my usual “Food is not the Problem: Deal With What Is!” educational presentation. But based on the feedback I received after the lecture and in the weeks that have followed, I am quite clear that the real reason for the greater turn out were the words “overcoming” and “barriers.” (more…)

Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self

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Perspective is Everything

leftrightLast week one of those group chain emails came across my desk. I normally just delete them immediately as I’m not a big fan of the “pressure” / manipulation / magical thinking they usually apply at the end to send it along. The threat or promise that something significant will happen to me based on me forwarding a mass email – the good old chain letter superstition – has never been anything I felt a genuine desire to agree to. And, with rare exceptions, the messages don’t seem all that noteworthy (speaking for my own in-box of course, perhaps your friends send you better ones!). (more…)

Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self

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Before You Have “THE” Conversation, Try This

thinkingFunny thing about last week’s article: I had at least 10 people mention over this past week that they really appreciated that article and felt certain I had written the article on “THE” conversation in response to something that was going on for them personally that they had shared with me. Now, for the record, clients do give me permission to share, anonymously, certain aspects of our work together for educational purposes, but, the truth is, this issue is so incredibly prevalent and key to your healing from emotional eating that it really does pertain to everyone I’ve ever worked with and wasn’t specific to anyone. Kind of like that article I wrote awhile back on needs which similarly hit home with everyone. Communication issues and our own confused training in relationships really does pertain to us all until we learn to honor ourselves, respect our needs, and ask directly and respectfully for what we need. This week’s article takes off where last week’s left off. We are going to take a brief look at how to most effectively approach a conversation around a sensitive issue with someone.  When I say “sensitive,” I mean an issue that makes you feel a little uneasy, anxious or resistant when you think about bringing it up. It may be that it makes you feel uneasy because of your part in it or because of what it is you imagine the other person will feel or think about you when you bring the issue up. The first thing to do when you’re thinking about talking to someone about something that has any emotional charge for you at all (or that you think might be sensitive for them) is to sit down, alone, and ask yourself the following questions:
  1. What is your intention in speaking with the person about this issue?
  2. What are you trying to achieve in speaking with them about this issue? (often the same answer as above but not always)
  3. What do you want to get out of the conversation? Ie. What would you need to hear/share/experience in that conversation that would make you feel it had been a success?
  4. How do you want to feel when you leave the conversation?
  5. What do you need to say and how do you need to say it and what do you need to hear from them in order to feel that way when you leave the conversation?
  6. What kind of timeline would you want to place on the conclusion of the issue? Ie. How long can you comfortably wait for this person to follow through on what you’re asking for? You must communicate that key piece of information to this person and ask for their agreement on this timeline as well. This is key for both of you to have great clarity on how and when you will assess whether anything has changed; ie. whether your needs have been met and you can therefore let the issue drop completely, forever.
Make notes of these key pieces and take them with you when you speak to this person. Refer to them and challenge yourself to cover all key points before you leave the conversation. If anything seems to be going at all awry or you lose your place just ask yourself questions 4 and 5 again: How do you want to feel when you leave this conversation and what needs to happen/what do you need to hear or experience with this person in order to feel that way?  That is your grounding and centering piece. Now, before you get to “THE” Conversation with someone, there is a very interesting phenomenon you will notice when you just sit down to consider these questions before you speak with them: Often just sitting down to reflect on those questions helps you to see something that, if you’re at all interested in not taking full responsibility for your actions and for your life, will really irritate you. Often in just sitting to reflect on what message you’d like to convey, how specifically you would word it, and what specifically you want to get out of that conversation, you will discover that the issue isn’t really theirs, it’s yours. And usually, though certainly not always, it pertains to your own old-life training to not ask directly for what you need; to not let yourself be vulnerable by exposing that you even have a need; or to not be “selfish” or to burden others in any way. What I’m saying is that usually, regardless of how things appear at first glance, the majority of our stress in relationship with others exists not because of anything that’s actually happening between us and another person, but because of the old stories and patterns of behaving that we carry within ourselves that have prevented us from either taking action ourselves to meet our needs and/or from communicating earlier, when we first began to feel a little hurt/annoyed/frustrated/resentful/sad/lonely/insignificant/disrespected, etc. with that person. Our story that we can’t possibly say or do anything that might upset, irritate, or hurt anyone or call any attention to their “imperfection” is really only our own inner co-dependent training that says: If anyone feels anything other than happy, it’s your fault and you are bad and wrong and unlovable for “making” them feel that way. Yup, that’ll do it! That childhood training; that old bogus story will shut you down and leave you feeling completely powerless in your relationships every time. Unfortunately, not only is it completely not true in any way now – it never was – yes, I mean it, it never ever, ever, ever was true. You have never been and never will be responsible for another person’s feelings (barring dependent children, of course). Your complete healing and recovery from emotional eating or restriction and from any unfulfilling jobs, relationships, or self-care, demands that you not only cognitively get this message but that you begin to get it on a gut level; that you begin to trust it, to know it and to embody it in your actions. The world becomes a completely different place when you make this shift. (Recall the article from a few weeks ago on ELOC vs. ILOC). Once you sit down and reflect on the questions above and see what’s really up for you and find yourself getting clear on what you want from that person usually you’ll find that what you really want from them or need from them is some reassurance and understanding as you make some changes to your own, perhaps freshly realized, contribution to the dynamic you two share. You might say: “This is what I’ve noticed in myself…here’s what I’m planning to do about it…and here’s how you can help me if you’re willing…” Often your own awareness of what your own contribution to the dynamic has been (which will come about simply by sitting down to ask yourself the questions above) makes it so you are truly comfortable with the choice to not address it with them for now (as opposed to just avoiding bringing it up); make some changes to your own contribution to the dynamic, and see after that, whether you still feel the need to bring it up to them more directly. Next week we’ll talk about what to do when you’ve done the above piece and, after attending to your own piece of the puzzle, feel that you need to address the other person’s role and ask for a change in their behaviour towards you or towards the situation. For this week think of someone that fits the “I need to have “THE” conversation” bill and take 5 minutes to ask yourself the questions above. Please email me what you come up with! I’d love to see what you notice and discover about yourself and about how to proceed then. You might find you recognize that you are playing a role in this dynamic but don’t know what to do on your end to change your part of the dance. That’s what I’m here for! See you next week. Love michelle-signature Whether you prefer one-on-one counselling (in-person, by phone, or email), our intensive and transformative workshops, the self-help approach with the book, or our Food is Not the Problem Online Membership Program, take action today to have a stress-free relationship with food. Sign up for our free newsletter today (see the left top side of your screen). Newsletter subscribers receive exclusive product discounts and are first in line to get on all the latest new at CEDRIC.

Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self

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Social Isolation and Withdrawal

socialisolationExcerpt from the book Food is Not the Problem: Deal With What Is! Social Isolation – Why Do I Do It? First, let’s explore what leads you to isolate yourself. In short, it’s all about how much you trust yourself to set boundaries and to only engage in relationships which are healthful and supportive of you. The degree to which you doubt your ability to assert your needs will be the degree to which you isolate. In other words, if you don’t trust yourself to say no to others, you will likely refrain from much social interaction, or you will find yourself overloaded with social commitments which are unrewarding and lack depth. You may not even be conscious that this is what motivates you to distance yourself from others. Your Drill Sgt. may have tried to explain your behaviour through his old core-belief perspective, telling you all sorts of stories about how weird and unlikable you are; how no one really cares whether you are around or not; how people are only going to judge you; and how unattractive or unintelligent you are if you go out. None of this is at all true. It’s just more of that coping strategy of negative core beliefs and bad body thoughts kicking in. And you know that this is just an indication of unmet needs for security and acceptance. As you begin to hone your skill of identifying the unmet needs that drive your coping behaviour, you will be presented with many opportunities, big and small, to strengthen your trust in yourself and create more security by validating your needs, setting clear boundaries, and proving how effectively you can care for yourself. It is likely that at the start of this new way of looking out for yourself you will notice yourself feeling anxious and resistant. There are two key pieces at play here: 1. Somehow, your Authentic Self and not your Nurturing Parent is front and centre trying to navigate this new terrain on her own. This is dangerous, because your Authentic Self is still very young and still needs a lot of reassurance and support to behave in a new way and not buy into those old core beliefs. She does not have the capacity to rationalize and empthasize in the way the Nurturing Parent does. She must not be made to handle scary and stressful situations such as boundary setting. You wouldn’t make a five-year-old child go on his own to confront someone about security or approval needs that aren’t being met, so you can’t expect your Authentic Self to have the courage and ability to do so either. 2. Your Drill Sgt. senses the insecurity, fear, and doubt of the Authentic Self and is doing his “motivation through criticism” to try and get you back into a “safe” and familiar place. You will likely hear the Drill Sgt. insisting that your needs are not valid or important. You may be aware of him calling you names, such as, weak, needy, when you are experimenting with acknowledging your feelings and needs to others. I encourage you to acknowledge the Drill Sgt.’s comments and then, as we have discussed, ask him what his intent is. Remember: seek to understand. The solution? Notice the distress and resistance about boundary setting, and call forth your Adult Nurturing Parent. The Nurturing Parent can then reassure the Authentic Self that her feelings and needs are valid; that she has a right to ask for what she needs and that they, the Nurturing Parent, will take over from here. “Try the hand-on-the-tummy thing here. It really does help to ground you and establish a stronger sense of connection between your Parent and Authentic Self). Whether you prefer one-on-one counselling (in-person, by phone, or email), our intensive and transformative workshops, the self-help approach with the book, or our Food is Not the Problem Online Membership Program, take action today to have a stress-free relationship with food. Sign up for our free newsletter today (see the left top side of your screen). Newsletter subscribers receive exclusive product discounts and are first in line to get on all the latest new at CEDRIC.

Posted in: 2010, CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self

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Making Mistakes

mistakesThe theme of “making mistakes” (from the last 2 weeks) seems to have hit home with many readers, and with good reason. One of the main reasons we use food to cope is because we are so anxious all the time about saying the right thing; doing the right thing; being perceived as good and kind and generous and smart and sexy and “together.” The pressure to perform and to conform to others’ expectations of who or what we should be creates a chronic state of anxiety that I call “the permeating level of anxiety” (PLA) and it is this chronic sense of disease or distress within that triggers us to restrict, or binge or purge. (more…)

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self

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Attending to Your Needs

Attending to Your NeedsIt seems like my last article on needs (“Having needs doesn’t make you needy”) struck a deep chord in many readers. That makes perfect sense. It is the fundamental issue. The only reason you ever use food to cope, no exceptions, is because you have needs that aren’t being met in some area of your life and you’ve told yourself that you’re not allowed, not deserving, or just not capable of getting them met, no matter what you do. These stories you’re telling yourself lead you to feel depressed and anxious, lethargic and frantic, in other words, they overwhelm you. And when you’re feeling overwhelmed about something you believe you can’t do anything to change or resolve, the only thing to do is to find a way to diminish or discount the impact of that thing: to numb out. (more…)

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self, workshops

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Self-Care Part 5: Letting go of your stories

Self-CareHello CEDRIC Community Members.  In this article we are continuing with our goal exploration and creating small, doable steps to get you from where you are to where you want to be. If you’re just joining us as a community member and want to take part in this series about self-care and forward momentum, I recommend you follow the link to the first article in this series and build from there. You’ll get much more out of the process and it will transform your current use of food to cope.  We have two more weeks (after today) of the self-care series and then we’re on to other key bits and pieces of the recovery and freedom process.  Eating when you’re not hungry, eating more than you’re hungry for, not allowing yourself to eat enough, and purging are all harmful ways of coping with the world and the stress it currently presents to you.  They are learned patterns of behaviour. They are not who you are. They are behaviours, and behaviours can be changed. (more…)

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self, Tips for Natural Eating

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Self-Care Part 3: Sustainable Change Begins!

Self-CareHello Members of the CEDRIC Community!  I hope you had a very productive week and that you were able to make some time to explore your values and principles in the ways I suggested, and maybe a few new ones of your own. This week we are going to pick up your key roles work from two weeks ago and weave your values and principles into your primary goals to ensure that the goals you’re putting effort into will provide the outcomes you truly value. This is fundamentally important to your recovery from any harmful or frustrating coping strategy as it provides you a solid foundation on which to stand in the face of any storm, and it gives you a sense of peace in your tummy rather than anxiety and insecurity. If you have to compromise your integrity and values to achieve a goal, it’s not at all worth achieving, so set it aside as quickly as you can. (more…)

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Grounding and Centering Exercise for You!

Hello CEDRIC community members. I want to send you off on your long weekend experience, whatever that may be, with a quick thought to help ground and center you and to guide you in making decisions around food this weekend and beyond. At the very least it will illuminate some of your current barriers to having a peaceful relationship with food. Whenever you are faced with a choice to eat ask yourself the following two questions: 1. Am I physically hungry? 2. Is what I’m about to eat going to support me to feel psychologically, emotionally and physically well after I eat this and tomorrow morning? If not, what will?

Grounding and Centering Exercise

Give this a whirl, see what happens. Let me know. Love Michelle Whether you prefer one-on-one counselling (in-person, by phone, or email), our intensive and transformative workshops, or the  self-help approach, take action today to have a stress-free relationship with food. Sign up for our free newsletter today! Newsletter subscribers receive exclusive product discounts and are first in line to get on all the latest new at CEDRIC!

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Others, Relationship with Self, Tips for Natural Eating

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