The easiest way to let go of self-judgement and set about the sometimes challenging but also fun and exciting experience of truly living life to the fullest, is remind yourself daily of the following premises until they simply become the way you live your life; no reminder necessary.
- The truth of human nature is that there is always a valid reason for why we feel and behave as we do.
- Your feelings are always perfectly appropriate for what you are telling yourself about the situation or person that seems to be triggering them.
- Your behaviours are always just a reaction to what you’re feeling, which, as I’ve said above, is just your natural response to what you are thinking/how you are perceiving the situation at hand.
- Therefore, it makes no sense whatsoever to judge or shame yourself for how you feel or what you do.
- What does make sense however is to learn:
a) To immediately identify what you’re thinking (ie. what’s triggering you to feel and behave as you are) and then;
b) How to quickly assess whether your perception is accurate or not, or whether you need more information to decide.
6. Through this process you come to see clearly when you’re confused in your thinking (and can admit it or ask more questions to get clear) vs. when people or situations are legitimately not meeting needs for you.
7. When you trust your perception of people and of situations, but are also able to admit at times that you just don’t know or that you need more information, you naturally feel confident in asserting your opinions and needs and you don’t take it personally if people don’t agree or demonstrate judgement.
8. When you trust your perceptions and can also freely admit when you’ve made an error you come alive; you truly take your place among the truly mature, free thinking adults and it finally feels that you are living life rather than going through the motions waiting for it to begin.
Humans use harmful coping strategies like overeating or restricting or purging or drinking or isolating or procrastinating when they don’t understand and appreciate the basic premises above.
The great news is that when we understand those premises and, instead of judging our feelings and behaviours, seek to understand their origin, we naturally just step away from those harmful coping strategies and freely choose to make choices in what we do and whom we spend time with that demonstrate respect and caring for ourselves. Life gets easier, more peaceful and fulfilling and we finally have the time and space to begin to do what we truly want to do with our lives.
If you’d like some simple, step-by-step tools that will help you experience life to the fullest let us know, we are here for you.