Hello Members of the CEDRIC Community! I hope you had a very productive week and that you were able to make some time to explore your values and principles in the ways I suggested, and maybe a few new ones of your own.
This week we are going to pick up your key roles work from two weeks ago and weave your values and principles into your primary goals to ensure that the goals you’re putting effort into will provide the outcomes you truly value. This is fundamentally important to your recovery from any harmful or frustrating coping strategy as it provides you a solid foundation on which to stand in the face of any storm, and it gives you a sense of peace in your tummy rather than anxiety and insecurity. If you have to compromise your integrity and values to achieve a goal, it’s not at all worth achieving, so set it aside as quickly as you can.
Please take out your roles from two weeks ago and the values and principles lists from last week and have a snoop at them. Are there any goals that, when you run them by your values and principles list, just don’t hold water? Are there any goals that really aren’t yours? When I did this piece of work many years ago, I found I was putting effort into certain goals that were expected from family members; community members; society-at-large; or from ex-boyfriends! They were not of my own creation and they did not honor my own personal values, so, I tossed them out! I let them go. I freed myself of having to uphold and work towards someone else’s expectations of me or of people in general and I just set about the task of clarifying what I truly wanted in all the key areas of my life. Then I put one foot in front of the other and began the journey.
There is an incredible sense of peace and freedom that comes over you when you see yourself consistently taking steps towards your goals and honoring your values and principles more and more in everyday life. You can call it self-respect. You can call it maturity. You can call it balance and groundedness. Whatever you call it, it is a noticeable shift from within and, rather than feeling frightened and battered by the ebb and flow of life, you feel open, aware, ready, and the best one of all….happy.
You don’t even have to have realized your goals to experience this amazing state of peace and groundedness. You simply need to see yourself moving forward. I’ve done this piece of work with many clients over the years and, without exception, they find this sense of peace and this distance from anxiety and from the Drill Sgt. instantly, within the first week. It’s amazing.
Okay, I think I’ve belaboured this point enough: It works, fast. Do it!
Again, make sure you’ve looked over your goals list and remove any that aren’t truly yours or aren’t truly in alignment with your values.
People often get stuck when they try to match their goals for a certain weight or body size with their core values. That’s because the goals they have for their weight and size don’t honor their health and wellness (too small for the natural weight of their body) or because they are thinking how they’ve tried to attain those goals (restriction, binging, purging, excessive exercise, harsh self-criticism, isolation, avoidance of people and events, etc.) and realizing they can’t honor their values and principles and continue behaving that way. But at the same time, they are not willing to give up their goal of a smaller, more toned body. Well, the good news (assuming you’re not already your natural weight or smaller) is that you don’t have to give up your goal of a natural weight for your body at all, you simply have to approach it from an honoring perspective that will allow you to create lasting change. You likely have values around health, longevity, honesty with yourself and others and around self-respect and dignity. So, sit for a moment, be still, and ask yourself “What’s one thing I could start doing that’s in alignment with my values and that will help me to effortlessly attain and maintain my ultimate natural weight goal?”
See what you come up with and let me know if you need help. By next week you should have your finalized list of goals that are truly yours and the values and principles that you aspire to live your life by each day. Next week we’re going to take each of your goals and create small, doable steps to reach them so you can see yourself moving forward every day towards where you want to be in each area of your life.
Always remember, to get to the point of using food to cope, things are out of balance with your thinking (both past and present). It will take a little time to come back to center and to bring each of the areas of your life into alignment with your goals. But as long as you’re clear on where you’re going and how you’re going to get there, you will feel as though it’s already in the bag and that, in itself, gives you the motivation and support to continue making honoring choices in all areas of your life.
Have a great week!
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