- “If I say no to someone, they are going to think I’m mean or that I don’t care.”
- “If I only did what I really wanted to do people will think I’m selfish.”
- “If I ask for what I need, people will judge me as demanding or high-maintenance.”
- Do you think it’s appropriate to expect someone else to compromise themselves (what they really feel, think, or want) in order to make you happy.
- Does that seem healthy or reasonable?
- Would you actually want someone to do that?
- Would it make you feel loved, trusting and truly secure in the relationship?
- Does that way of thinking lead to healthy, open, respectful, warm, friendly relationships or does it lead to relationships where people feel insecure, burdened, obligated, guilty, and just plain anxious because they don’t know if the person they’re relating to really likes them or just what they can do for them?
- A strong, confident, secure person who knows what she feels and needs and doesn’t let others tell her otherwise;
- Someone who really can be there for others because she only makes commitments that feel right and that she knows she both wants to, and can, uphold without compromising her self-care or her integrity in any way; and
- Someone others truly respect because they know they can trust that whatever you are doing is what you really want to do, not what you feel guilted or obligated to do.
“I care about you and about our relationship. I want us both to be happy. So I commit to not moving forward with a decision until we’ve done what we can to find a solution that meets needs for us both.
What is it that you really need/What is most important to you about X? Here’s what’s most important to me about X…. What are some ways that we can both get what we need?”So, now instead of assuming that you’re screwed if what you want is different from what someone else wants, you can trust that, in every situation, there is almost always a way for you and another reasonable human being to get what you both want and need. If you struggle with saying no and taking care of yourself, I assure you that thinking in this new way will lead to greater peace, happiness and self-confidence, and to healthier relationships than you have ever had. Please leave a comment, ask a question, share your own experiences and above all, if you’d like help to make this your reality, fast, email me and let’s get started. Love, Michelle