A great exercise for shifting your old beliefs is writing a letter of fact. A letter of fact is a letter containing only the concrete details of a situation. There is no interpretation or assumption of what the other party was thinking, feeling or intending. Just the physical truth. In other words, if there were ten people in the room at the time of the event in question, they all would have to agree on what was physically said and done. Those are the facts; however, their interpretations of why it happened would differ. This is because their interpretation, through the lens of their own beliefs and perceptions of the world, creates a distortion, and the facts become skewed. They cease to focus on the reality of what happened, but focus instead on their assumption/interpretation of why it happened. This attaches particular emotions to an event, and the thought/feeling loop continues to solidify their perspective of the event as accurate.
Any threat, real or imagined, gets logged away in our brains with powerful feelings attached. The interpretation that was formed at the time of the event, though our distorted lens, becomes a solid, irrefutable fact from our perspective. And this “fact” directly impacts all of our interactions with ourselves, and with others, until such a time as we begin to allow for the possibility that we may have misinterpreted the event. The willingness to challenge this old story requires courage. This requires enough self-love and self-respect to no longer be willing to harm yourself unnecessarily with a confused interpretation of someone else’s actions.