For this week +-
Last week we were noticing comparisons, and the week before we were observing the tone we used to speak in certain situations and what it means about how we’re feeling and perceiving ourselves.
I have yet to receive any direct feedback on the comparison recon and will follow up with you on how to make best use of this assignment when I do. So, if you tried the exercise and are just a bit too shy or self-critical to share what you learned, remember you can always share and ask for your personal information to be kept private.
This week I want you to pay special attention to:
- Any time that you feel silly, small, stupid, or judged.
- Any time you find yourself imagining a situation in the future where something will happen that you believe will trigger those feelings of insecurity.
When you notice one of those situations (or after the fact when you have time to reflect), ask yourself these questions and see what it is that you are thinking in the moment that is triggering that feeling of insecurity. It isn’t them. And that means you have the power to change it within yourself even if nothing about them changes one iota.
Trust me, just running through this series of questions for one life situation will be incredibly helpful and lead to lasting awareness and greater self-confidence. Do it a number of times for a few different situations and you’ll be amazed at what you discover about your thinking and how much easier it is for you to feel more confident in the world.
Here are the questions to ask:
a) What are you telling yourself that those people/that person think(s) about you?
b) What did they actually do or say? (Not what you interpreted it to mean or assume they mean, but what did they actually do or say? Ie. What would anyone else witnessing the scene agree happened?)
c) What other possible interpretation could there be for their words or actions other than the one you immediately seized upon?
d) What are you telling yourself about that person /those people that makes you give weight to their judgement/perspective? What makes their judgement valid/fair/reasonable/rational?
e) What makes them bigger/better/more right/more worthwhile than you? What makes you less right and less deserving than them?
f) What do they know that you don’t? Really? How do you know that they know that? How do you think they came by that knowledge? Have you been given the same opportunity to have that knowledge?
g) What would it take for you to be able to perceive judgement from others and to not abandon yourself and side with them?
h) What would you need to know or trust about you, about them, about the world, in order for you to be comfortable putting yourself out there and sharing what you really think/feel and need with others?
Enjoy this exploration. Please do share your experience with me and I’ll offer you some thoughts and suggestions for how to get even more out of this awareness.
Also, if you discover some thoughts or behaviours that you’d like to change, that’s what we’re here for. Contact us for a few sessions and see how quickly things change in all areas of your life.