A great way to start tuning into the all-or-nothing thinking in you is to just stop and observe yourself every once in a while. I guarantee that if you are feeling frustrated, rushed, pressured, annoyed, irritated, overwhelmed, hopeless, depressed, anxious or desperate, you are telling yourself that something must be a certain way – that something should be different, or that you should be different.
Just ask this question of yourself: “What is it that I am telling myself must be or go a certain way?” Self-imposed deadlines and expectations are the most common example of this. You will find, as you check in, that you are rushing about like mad, feeling annoyed and resentful of others because you have told yourself that something must be done in such a way by a certain time. Does it really? You would like it if it were. But that is very different from the story which had you rushing about and feeling annoyed with others (especially those who were not rushing about as you were).