Cedric Centre for Counselling Inc.

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My Wedding and My Drill Sergeant

(Nadine)

Women want to look their best every day, and I think most would agree that your wedding day is the one day you would want to look your very, very best – and your slimmest! However, every wedding magazine and website is plastered with tall, slim women who look fresh, ethereal, and sensuous all at once, like they come from some secret fairy world only to model wedding dresses and accessories. How can a normal, average woman possibly live up to those ideals? How can a plus-size woman possibly manage to look fresh, ethereal, and sensuous? It’s easy to understand the boot camp crash diets brides go through when faced with such unrealistic images.

Dealing with these issues myself, pending my upcoming elopement to Tofino mid-September, I began to dig deeper. What else is really going on here? My past experiences at the CEDRIC Centre have taught me that when my Drill Sergeant starts badgering me about my image, it’s a smokescreen that covers a deeper and possibly more painful issue. After a little bit of reflection, I decided to question my Drill Sergeant about what IT thought about marriage and weddings, and here is what it said:

  • Look at all those beautiful brides, you’re not going to look like that – you can’t possibly get married at the size you are at – you should wait until you lose weight to get married! (“Why?” I asked)
  • You need to look beautiful and perfect on your wedding day! (“Why?”)
  • If you don’t look perfect on your wedding day your fiancé will regret marrying you. (“Why?”)
  • You have to be perfect or your marriage won’t last and your fiance will figure out that you are flawed and unlovable!

My Wedding and My Drill Sergeant

AHA! I uncovered a core belief! My Drill Sergeant has been trying to protect me from this core belief so I wouldn’t get hurt. If I work on healing the faulty core belief, my Drill Sergeant will have nothing to protect me from and the badgering will stop.

There are a few things I can do to heal that core belief – and just uncovering it and acknowledging it as faulty goes a long way! I can also try to love myself by listening to my fears, looking after myself physically and emotionally, and showing myself compassion. By healing the underlying core belief about how I’ll look on my wedding day, I can revel in the joy of the event. I can be excited about the exquisite dress I bought (ivory French lace over pale gold satin with clustered bursts of crystals) and I can be excited about all the other details like cupcakes, photographers, venues, flowers, and writing heartfelt vows. I can enjoy the process. I am more able to accept that my fiancé wants to marry me and (no surprise here) already knows that I am imperfect. We have been together for three years and he has seen me sick, seen me binge, seen me frustrated, and seen me freak out at him for something that has nothing to do with him. And he still loves me and wants to marry me.

My goal for my wedding day is to be PRESENT. My goal is not to look perfect but to feel joyful, blessed, and authentic, and to remember my wedding day with more than just pictures.

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre, Relationship with Self

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  1. Tina July 6, 2009

    Bravo! Well written and a wonderful example of taking the tools that CEDRIC philosophy espouses and using them to get to the bottom of what’s really at stake when a person who is not ‘perfect, willowy, ethereal, fill in the adjective here’ starts hearing the braying accusations of their Drill Sergeant…

    I am inspired in my own wedding plans. YES! I’m going to be just like you, Nadine… PRESENT every moment, enjoying the wild ride, grabbing the gusto, open to spontaneity and the chaos of family interaction at its finest, when I finally walk down that aisle into the arms of my partner, who also knows, that like him, I’m not perfect and loves me to bits anyways.

    Thanks for that insightful posting! Acceptance is an incredible thing.

    Tina

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