When you live from the old pattern of buying into those old all-or-nothing thoughts, then use the coping strategies of denial and unconsciousness, you compromise yourself. Please know that there is no benefit to judging yourself for this choice. Just recognize and support it as a choice. It’s all right to say, “I know I’d really like to do…, but right now, I just feel too scared or too overwhelmed at the thought of asserting this need, so I’m choosing to go along with Mary Jane.
Speak it. Name your choice. Be proud that you are making a conscious choice which best meets your needs at that time, and let it be all right to take care of yourself in this way. You can also add a piece that says, “I’m working to get to a place where I can respond differently to this situation, and, for now, this choice feels as though it will best meet my needs.” In other words, cut yourself some slack.