Why is it so Hard to be Honest?
One of the hardest things for people to do, especially people who have received any co-dependent training, is to hold themselves to the core value of honesty. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Read on to find out why honesty is so challenging some times and what you can do to start feeling more confident in your ability to be honest with everyone, all the time.
The answer to the question ‘Why is it so hard to be honest’ is twofold:
1. We often (usually) don’t even know what we truly feel and want and need. We might know something doesn’t feel right or good or okay but we have our inner critic immediately judging our feelings and so we mistrust our emotions just as we mistrust our hunger and fullness cues.
2. We are scared crapless to piss people off! Let’s just admit it! We don’t want to upset anyone. We don’t want to be the bad guy. We don’t want anyone saying anything about us that isn’t nice and warm and fuzzy. And so we bail on ourselves.
And just in case you’re still wondering if this applies to you: If you have any food and body image stress, or if you binge, or struggle with restriction (dieting or anorexia or orthorexia (an obsession with eating “clean”), or purging (through exercise, laxatives, or vomiting) or with drinking, drugs, too much t.v. or internet; feeling overrun by your relationships or frustrated in your career, you can guarantee that you have a high dose of co-dependent training.
Likewise, people who struggle with how to express anger in a healthy way, or with isolation and procrastination have had the same training. In other words, you’re in great company, only it’s like the plague – everyone’s got it but you really don’t want it!
Good news, there’s lots you can do to change that and to step free of that way of thinking completely and for good.
That’s what the CEDRIC Centre does for you. We help you to have greater clarity on what exactly is not working in your life and why and exactly what you can do about it to create lasting change in all areas of your life.
- The number one thing that will make your healing journey take longer than it needs to, is your unwillingness to be honest with yourself.
- The number two thing is your unwillingness/fear to be honest with others.
Both need to be addressed and overcome in order for you to have the self-esteem and self-respect that you need in order to feel safe and secure in the world and to trust yourself to have integrity regardless of where you are or whom you’re with. And in case you’re wondering, it is impossible to get over your stressful relationship with food and feel comfortable in your own body without that. This is because your current use of food to cope (as well as any problems with anxiety or depression, isolation or procrastination) stems from a lack of trust and confidence in yourself to take care of yourself first; a lack of trust that you will not compromise yourselves for others.
This has to change in order for you to feel peaceful enough and to feel good enough about yourself to only engage in behaviours that will enhance your life.
It’s that simple.
So, if you’re ready to create lasting change let’s begin.
First know that it is always – and I mean always – easier than you think it will be to identify what you really think and feel and it always goes better than you think it will and produces greater results than you expect when you are respectfully and appropriately honest with others.
I have been working with clients directly around these issues for over 17 years and have seen this to be true time and time again for my clients as well as in my own personal life.
For this week, let’s start by exploring #1: Being honest with ourselves about what we truly feel and need. This is easier than #2 and it naturally leads to greater comfort with being honest with others.
- Notice when you want to eat and aren’t hungry or are telling yourself you can’t have what you want even if you are hungry. (You can also do this exercise by asking yourself to notice when you’re feeling anxious/insecure/embarrassed/ashamed if you find that easier to notice right now.) Or if you resonated more with the drinking or isolating or anger or internet coping strategy do this exercise for that one (those ones….we usually have 2 or 3 – again, you’re in good company! 🙂 )
- Then ask yourself what you were just thinking. Don’t censor it. Allow yourself to be as petty and small as you can be; express your worst fears and criticisms to yourself honestly. No one else needs to know. And just so you know, allowing yourself to be honest about what you’re truly thinking and feeling in any situation doesn’t ‘attract more of it’ like the magical thinkers believe. You’re already thinking and feeling that way.
Whether you are honest with yourself or not you’re being impacted by those thoughts and feelings and the only way to completely step free of them is to:
- be honest that they are there, see why there are there and either see them as flawed and irrational, thereby immediately freeing yourself of them; or
- see them as having some basis in fact thereby creating an opportunity to for you consciously resolve the problem and never have to deal with it again.
The ostrich approach (if I don’t acknowledge it, it isn’t happening) has never served you at all. In fact it’s why you are where you are.
The clients who move the fastest through this process are those who are willing to let themselves be honest with themselves about their true fears and feelings.
Those who try to be politically correct or “good,” “nice,” “not attract bad ‘ju ju’ through thinking unkind/base thoughts,” stay stuck on the surface of their awareness, repeating old patterns, feeling more fake and phony and stuck every day.
Do your best to be honest and then, when you have written out what you really think/feel/fear/need in any situation, ask yourself:
“What am I telling myself about that, which makes me judge it as bad/wrong/petty/needy?”
And then ask,
“Where does that story come from?”
“Why do I think they are right and my own needs, thoughts, and feelings are wrong?”
You will learn a great deal about yourself in this way.
And if you’re ready to nip this pattern in the bud for good just contact me and I’ll help you find a simple, speedy path to freedom.