Cedric Centre for Counselling Inc.

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Healthful boundaries

Healthful boundaries are a fundamental piece of creating balance in our lives. The things which we allow and don’t allow to happen around us, and to us, tell people a lot about our self-esteem and how we regard ourselves and, ultimately, what they can get away with in their relationship with us! In other words, if you have good self-esteem, you have strong and healthful boundaries. You feel capable of asking for what you need and letting people know clearly and directly when your needs are unmet. This lets the people in relationship with you know that you expect honesty and integrity from others, and you are willing to bring this to the table yourself. You wouldn’t be able or willing to tolerate dishonesty or a lack of responsibility in any relationship.

If your self-esteem is low and you question your worth or deservedness to have what you need and want, you will be less able to clearly ask for what you need and will often feel as though everyone else gets what they want while you don’t. You will often beat around the bush, or not say anything, then feel hurt and frustrated when the other person didn’t intuit your need. Depending on your level of self-esteem and what you have been taught by role models in your life, you may see getting what you want and need as beyond your control.

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