You know all too well how distressing and overwhelming it can be when you observe yourself doing something you don’t want to do, for example, overeating, because this action will be of no assistance to you in reaching your ultimate goal. But you can’t stop yourself; you feel as though you have no control and that your life is out of your hands. You feel simultaneously comforted and soothed, in that anxious and strangely familiar way. You feel as if you are going crazy. You feel stuck and hopeless, and you begin to make plans for what you are going to do differently next time because this gives you a sense of power and makes you feel a little better in the moment, even though you know you are not likely to be successful then either!
This whole scenario used to play itself out countless times a day for me at the height of my compulsive eating. Never once did I stop to think that they may be something else going on. I never once asked myself what just happened (past, present, future, thoughts, feelings, behaviours) to make me want to use food to cope. I did not have a clue that anything other than my own weakness and lack of willpower was at work. I bought fully into the story that it was I who was ineffective.