The Double Standard
The double standard is a pattern of thinking where we seem to think it makes sense to hold ourselves to standards that we wouldn`t hold others to – or vice versa.
It is not a rational or reasonable thought and will only lead to anxiety and insecurity in yourself and in your connections with others.
It is important to be able to learn to spot the double standard in your thinking and in that of others so that you can question it and step free of it rather than continuing to live your life by irrational and unreasonable standards.
Allow yourself, for a moment, to gently recall one of the events which you use to support one of your old core belief(s) such as `I am unlovable` or `I am not good enough`.
Now ask yourself if you would jump on the bandwagon and judge someone else if they had had that same experience.
Would you continue, on a daily basis, to reinforce that hurtful message?
Would you rub it in?
Or might you offer them feedback about a more reasonable perspective, or at least an alternative perspective on the situation; maybe you`d tell them about the strengths and beauty that you see in them?
Would it just go without saying that you would be immediately drawn to offer your reassurance and support, and maybe even to feel angry and hurt on their behalf?
Well? What do you think?
Would you keep pouring salt in their wound? Not likely. That would be sadistic. You are far too kind and considerate for that, so why do you do it to yourself?
You`ve got to learn to be able to assess for yourself what is true and reasonable in yourself and in your relationships with others. If you keep living your life believing those old stories and old assumptions you will continue to feel anxious and to need food or dieting or drinking or isolation to cope with the stress that is, now, in large part, being created by your thinking.
Change can happen simply and quickly when you have good support and tools that work. That`s what I can offer you.