Cedric Centre for Counselling Inc.

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Check Your Tone

Hello out there!

This week we are exploring a key piece of a process that I call reconnaissance (which in The CEDRIC Method means: Self-observation). This will help you to catch yourself heading into binge / purge / or restriction mode before you get there so that you can have a greater likelihood of cutting it off at the pass. It will also help you to feel more confident and secure in yourself and in your relationships with others, be it the grocery store clerk or your partner, best friend, or parent.

Below are a series of questions for you to be asking yourself throughout the week when you are conversing with others and just after a conversation (whether via phone, email or in person).

The Main Assignment:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           Notice the different tone in your voice at different times, with different people, and around different topics.

Don’t press yourself to do anything any differently unless it happens naturally at this point (which can be the case, as the simple act of consciously observing ourselves means we are more conscious and in the present and therefore, more connected to our adult self), just notice.

Regardless of what you notice, take some time to be on the lookout for the following and make some notes about what you see.  These questions are meant to be prompts to help you focus, feel free to explore some or all of them over the next week.

Send me (if you’re open to that and wanting some feedback) your observations and any questions that they trigger in you and I will respond, with no identifying details, in next week’s newsletter.

Why should you bother?

Well, reconnaissance (with structure and support), in my experience, is really the fastest way to create awareness and change in patterns that are undermining your overall happiness in life. That’s why you’re reading this newsletter article I suspect and that’s my goal in being a presence in your life.

Once you notice the tone that you’re using, ask yourself some or all of the following: (It’s okay to pick just one).

a.  What kinds of tones do you use and with whom?  Ie. With whom might you speak in a meek tone? What about a childlike tone? What about a defensive tone?

b.  Are you more strong /vocal about politics or asking who fed the cat last? What about sexuality or addressing boundary violations? What about asking someone for help or a favour?

c.  When you notice you are speaking confidently – what are you thinking? What are you telling yourself about yourself, this situation and the other person/people that allows you to speak as strongly as you are?

d.  When you notice yourself speaking hesitantly, quietly, stammering, in a childlike voice or a stern rigid tone – what are you thinking? What are you telling yourself about yourself, this situation and the other person/people that makes you speak as you are?

e.  What would be different in this very situation if you changed your tone and spoke confidently and clearly?

f.  What would have to happen in order for you to do that in this situation? Is it enough to bring your attention to your tone and it changes? Or are you telling yourself a story that you, or the other person, have to change in some way in order for you to talk that way? Do you need something that you don’t think you have? If so what?

Enjoy the enlightenment that comes with observing. And again, I encourage you to share your observations with me, you don’t have to be a current client of the centre so join in here. I’ll share some specific suggestions and tools to work with what you discover next week.

 

Love,

Posted in: CEDRIC Centre

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