In exploring your feelings about boundary setting and why you might feel resistant to it, it can be helpful to explore your beliefs too.
Think about a current relationship in your life where you often find yourself feeling anxious, insecure, overrun or resentful and then take a moment to consider your answer to the following questions:
What is it about this person or the relationship you have with them that triggers these feelings?
What would you like to see happening in this relationship that would reduce the anxiety and insecurity etc. that you feel with them?
What commitments would you need to make with yourself about what you will or won’t do in order to lessen those feelings of being overrun or of resentment?
What would you need to ask them for or tell them you will or won’t do in order to make that happen?
What thoughts and feelings surface when you consider setting those boundaries with that person?
Are you fearing judgement, anger, labeling as needy or high maintenance; or maybe you fear that they would reject you?
Why are you settling for patterns in your relationships that don’t feel good to you?
Where did you get the idea that you are not worthy of being treated with dignity and respect? That you are not worthy of getting what you need and desire in your relationships?
And then considering whomever gave you those ideas or treated you that way in your past ask yourself this:
Why am I willing to believe that they were healthy, functional, ‘right’ people?
What do you know now about them and their lives that could, if you allowed it, change the way you interpreted those events? Maybe they were struggling with their own depression and self-esteem. Maybe they were abused as children and lacked the ability to be nurturing and considerate of your feelings.
Allow yourself to see the truth of these relationships. And then think about the present and ask yourself:
If those people who taught me to feel so worthless and afraid we not 100% well or secure in themselves, why am I continuing to live my life as though they were right to treat me badly and as though there really is something wrong with me?
Stop living in the past. Let yourself see the reality of the present and find relationships that will mirror what is true about you – you are worthy of love and acceptance and of peaceful, loving, fun relationships. You are worthy of asking for what you need.
Let’s get started!!!
I’m here to help.