Those of you who have worked with the CEDRIC Core Beliefs booklet are probably familiar with these stages, but seeing as how June is ‘Natural Eating’ month, we thought that you might enjoy a quick reminder to help you grab the nutshell of where you are in your process, right in this moment, taken from our Natural Eating booklet.

1) Unconscious Incompetence: Something isn’t working in your life, but you are not aware of what it is or that anything could be done to change it. You may be looking to others or things outside of yourself as the source of your current difficulties

2) Conscious Incompetence: You are aware that you are not functioning well, but you do not know what to change about your behaviour. This can be an extremely scary and frustrating stage, but it also opens the door for you to take action to change your patterns. Clearly, until you know it isn’t working in your life, you are powerless to change it.

3) Conscious Competence: After becoming aware of your problem, you have sought some expert advice. You now have some tools to change your behaviour. Your conscious effort is required to replace old unhealthy habits, with new healthy ones. You are actively working at this stage and it can feel laborious. Therefore, it is important to seek motivation in the small signs of progress you’ll be seeing, rather than focussing on your end goal, which may seem far away at this stage.

4) Unconscious Competence: You have the tools. Thanks to all of your awareness and effort, your behaviour has changed. You don’t even have to think about what to do. The new, healthy behaviour has replaced the old unhealthy one, and it is now second nature.

Where are do you find yourself in your process of change?

Consider taking the time, this summer, for some group process as CEDRIC’s Transformative Weekend Workshops take off, the good news is that there’s still time to sign up. Join with others who share your journey to identify steps to your process that are ideally suited to you. For more on CEDRIC’s Transformative Weekend Workshops with Michelle Morand, please click HERE.

Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.

Tomorrow is my Graduation. I’ve managed to gather enough credits over the past six years to be able to share this achievement with my alma mater and family tomorrow. I managed to hobble along with a Grade 9 education until I turned mid 40 and suddenly avenues of academia opened up to me. Six years later, I’m plotting my accomplishments in a blog made possible by what I garnered from those rigorous years of schooling.

It’s all coming together perfectly. So what if I’m not a delicate Size 14. So what if the clothes on the 3x racks are a bit snug on me as a result of these days of eating well, healing and being loved better than ever.

Am I going to put life on hold and wear rags until some nebulous day when I finally feel that I am worthy of adornment among the rest of society?

I don’t THINK so.

This article is about coping with the pressures of being of size and visible in a high profile situation. Its not easy being the big girl in public. This is preaching to the choir for some of us, I suspect, and I apologize if you just cringed, but as I was hunting through the limited commercial options that pass as style for the big girl, trying to find something special to wear that didn’t look like a sack or dressing for a giant 2 year old, I had a thought that I should blog about the situation that a person of size finds themselves in, which is rarely acknowledged.

How does a person who has fragile self esteem, issues about their body image, is thinking on it 24/7 because you are either not losing weight, or not losing weight fast enough, or are dealing with learning how to muzzle that negative loop in your mind, and then you have to be thrust out into the average John Q Public world. You do what I do, you prepare for it. Anticipate how your needs will be dealt with and look good doing it as a result of a tiny bit of previous planning.

I once had a prof who was an absolute goddess. She was 6 feet tall and had to weigh well over 250. She wore clothes that flattered her curves, that skimmed her body, that was made in classic designs, augmented with accessories that really made her look like an elegant, poised contemporary woman. You forgot she was that big in about two seconds. I remember telling her jokingly that I wanted to be like her when I grew up, and her reply was, ‘Well, I believe in representing the large woman to our culture, we owe it to the other plusses out there to “represent”.’ She had an ‘eye’ and you could tell, she planned her wardrobe with the care she deserved. What an exceptional role model that woman continues to be for me to this day.

When I am seeking a bit of spine so I can go out among what I lovingly refer to as ‘the Lilliputians’, I summon up Roberta’s insightful inspiration and then I’m able to get out there in the fray, and truly represent the Amazons, usually without a hitch.

Ever since I initially pondered Roberta’s statement, I have chosen what I wear according to where I anticipate being, with that question in mind. Is this outfit representing the big woman? Am I making Amazons look good?

Or ‘do I just look like a hot mess just off my meds?’ the Drill Sergeant tries to interject in its humourless monotone. So unimaginative. So NOT stylish.

It IS possible to carry extra weight and be beautiful.

Repeat after me until you believe it. It IS possible to be beautiful no matter what size or shape you are. If you pay attention to what suits your dimensions, if you are willing to put in the little bit of additional effort it takes to manifest things in plus size consignment stores (ask me where to shop in Victoria by clicking HERE), you can find awesome outfits and components of a wardrobe that will work for you, work with your body, not cost an arm and a leg AND represent the big gals.

As my fridge warbles and makes wierd noises, the wee early hours are otherwise silent. Cats are off to bed, the gibbous moon hangs low enough to shine in on me as I type. I’m up late because tomorrow, I’m slipping into that beautiful full black gauze skirt, the foundation garments from Kryptonite (ask me about them, too!) , the saucy tank top that says ‘forever love’ on it in gold that no one will know because I’m wearing it backwards. I have a stunning little jacket made from laces, crepe de chine, satin and some other awesome combinations of fabric, all cut on the bias that I found for a pittance at one of my favourite shops. Its predominantly black with paisley patterns, a bit of pink and burgundy, but muted and elegant. Some low black suede pointy toed slingbacks that will hang out under the gown I am gradding in will decorate my swollen, edema ridden feet, but they too flatter the line of full ankles and just make me look all that much more curvier. My hair cost a fortune today, but I’m worth it. I worked HARD for this achievement and you don’t get a lot of chances in life to grab this kind of gusto so I’m milking it for all its worth.

I was too excited to sleep so I thought I would share my thoughts about dealing with the physical aspects and issues of having to be an anomaly in a size conscious world and some insight on how to overcome the burden of critical gazes with savoir faire. Just keep your chin up, your eye on the prize, remember who loves you and why and don’t let the haters (who have NO idea who you are) affect you.

And as for the Big Guys out there, or the Guys who have special issues that make them feel that the only way they will keep their manhood secure is to comfort themselves with some inebriant, be it food or whatever, I didn’t mean to leave you out of the blog rant. You should know that you too can have carriage, poise, grace, confidence; that combined with selecting clothes that actually suit you and not some stick thin mannequin, would have you representing for the Elegant man no matter what his dimensions. I believe I have an insight for both genders. Michelle’s brilliant article on ‘Integrity’ says a lot about what it takes to be elegant and confident in no time.

Represent.

And don’t forget to take some risks. I do, and the lower half of my freshly coifed hair is brilliant, shockingly tourmaline purple, as colourful proof.

I’m representing Amazons and I’m too excited to sleep.

Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.

Yuppers, that’s what I said, your Drill Sgt. can be happily on vacation in Mexico in 24 hours, leaving you at home to peacefully and contentedly practice life-enhancing coping strategies and self-care. And I’m not talking about trying to talk yourself into loving yourself as you are or about settling for being the weight and shape that you are now.

So, what am I talking about? I’m talking about integrity. Integrity means that your words and actions are in alignment. You want to know the secret to happiness? It’s integrity. You want to know the secret to feeling peaceful and content in your body; in your relationships; in your career; etc?

It’s integrity: Words and Actions Aligning.

You do what you say you will. And not just to others, but first and foremost to yourself. That’s where most of us who feel controlled by food and loathing of our bodies stumble; integrity with ourselves. We’re all over taking care of others and honoring our commitments outwardly at all costs.

We could be on our death bed but we’re dragging our sorry little butts to work or out for that coffee date with our friend because we said we would and we don’t want them to be angry or disappointed in us. We’re so afraid of the potential of losing someone’s approval and respect we’ll do anything even, and frequently so, compromise our own needs for respect or rest or consideration etc.

Yes, from the outside we appear to be these amazing people who have it so together. We are super beings who can do it all and then some. From the inside however we feel totally fraudulent; a complete sham; and completely fearful of being discovered for the big phony we are. This creates great anxiety and what do we do when we feel anxious? We beat up on our bodies or we eat or we restrict etc. Not very helpful and certainly not very full of integrity. We put ourselves out there as these confident together people but our words within and the actions we engage in when we’re alone belie a different story: We are frightened; we are overwhelmed; we hate ourselves for being so; and we feel compelled to drink, toke, eat, restrict, purge, shop, or clean to take the focus off our anxiety and to numb out, if only for a moment.

When our primary focus is on obtaining the approval of others because we believe that we will finally then be able to feel safe and secure in the world and be able to feel confident in ourselves and our right to be and to take up space, we are unfortunately, chronically insecure. You see, if I am giving you the power to decide whether I am worthy and acceptable I am at the mercy of you and I’d better hope and pray that you’re a nice person who is healthy and balanced, who doesn’t engage in guilt trips or manipulation, who doesn’t think that their needs are more important than mine but sees that we’re both equally important.

I’d better hope that you truly want what’s best for me even if that means that you don’t always get what you want. If you’re not that ideal, healthy, interdependent person I’m in big doo doo. Because you’re going to take advantage of my desperate need for your approval and have me doing far more than my 50% share of the work in our relationship. That’s going to make me feel even more anxious and overwhelmed, hypervigilant and hypersensitive, and even worse about myself. Which will make me even more fearful of losing your approval which will make me work even harder and feel more overwhelmed when you’re still not giving me the love and approval I seek.

Clearly there is no sanity and no safety in looking outside of ourselves for validation and acceptance if we aren’t first able to authentically validate and accept ourselves. The only safe place to enter into any sort of relationship is from a solid sense of yourself as competent, capable, worthwhile, special and deserving of dignity and respect. If you don’t believe that about yourself and treat yourself that way first and foremost you’ll not be able to trust that you are entitled to that from others. And again, you’ll find yourself connected often to those people who are only too happy to take advantage of the fact that you’ll compromise yourself to make them happy. Not a recipe for peace and joy.

So, what the heck does this all have to do with body image, you say? Well, back to integrity, when your words and actions are in alignment you just don’t hear from that 24/7 critical inner voice. You just experience silence, peace.

Words and actions aligning looks like saying to yourself: “I’m not going to spend time with Mellisa again, she is always criticizing me and others.” – and you don’t cave and agree to coffee the next time she calls, nor do you make some sort of excuse “I think I’m coming down with something” to avoid a courageous conversation. It also looks like saying to yourself : “I’m going to exercise 3 times this week and slowly reduce the amount of processed and refined carbs I have in my diet each day” – and then witnessing yourself following through on that commitment.

In this way you will immediately begin to experience a quieting of that Drill Sgt. and develop a strong sense of trust in yourself as someone who will put her needs first; someone who will not put herself in situations where she feels disrespected or compromised.

Take a few minutes now and ask yourself the following questions:

1. Where in my role as a friend do I say one thing and do another – even in my own mind?

2. What about my role as a parent? Employee? Volunteer? Partner?

3. What about in my role in my relationship with myself? Where here do I say one thing and do another? Even in such small ways as saying you’ll do the dishes and then leaving them in the sink overnight?

4. What could I do in each of these areas of my life to have a stronger sense of integrity; of trust in myself to do what I say and say what I do?

5. What might prevent me from taking action on these things?

Once you’ve taken a good clear look at the ways that you trigger the Drill Sgt. in you, you’re able to begin to make a plan for coming from a stronger place of integrity.

This is super duper important to you because I guarantee you that when you’re able to do this you will feel far far less anxious overall and your judgements about your body will practically cease and…..here’s the best part… your need to use food (or anything else, for that matter) to cope will stop.

Done like dinner!

If you would like help in learning how to remove any barriers to your acting with integrity and to quieting your personal Drill Sgt. once and for all, please send me an email. We can arrange for a one on one session or sign you up for our next amazing weekend workshop where you will get a 3 day dose of new tools and practice that will forever release you from food and body image stress.

I welcome your sharing.

Love Michelle.

Exercising my right to get off the couch

I’m in my portable office that contains a bench in the sun in a hidden corner of Saxe Point with my archaic alternative technology, namely my book and pen. My bike is parked behind me with my digital camera, a sweating, cold bottle of  fresh water rounding out my ensemble. A huge military helicopter rumbles by slowly, competing with the birds as I write.  My intention was to ponder the question ‘What makes me tick?’ as I rode.  I am at that place in my evolution that its high time that I ask myself that very good question.

These days, as I process CEDRIC’s philosophies and tools, as I gain experience applying them to the ups and downs of my life, I’m changing, evolving, refining and in the course of that, so are the factors that comprise what makes me who I am. For instance, I’ve changed my name, my career, my home and my life almost 10o% in the past year. That tells me that I know who and what I’m not any more, but what AM I? What stirs my crank? Gets me going? Gets me motivated?

What makes me tick?

The big M word (Motivation)  is the key, I think – what can I get excited enough about that it stirs me to action- to get off the couch or out of my comfort zone, which has been pretty cerebral and not a lot physical.

The weather has changed for the better and I’m back on my bike. I’m lumbering back to health, one pedal at a time. When I’m eliminating ’snacks’ and the associative vernacular, I’m having small, healthy meals instead. The natural course of events that follows is that I tire of being inside when the weather is so sweet at last. I’ve lost patience with myself and feel haunted by the spectre of a shortened life because I chose to be voluntarily hobbled while I still had the chance to move or lose it.

I live in one of the top cycling cities in Canada and I have cycled since I was 3.  I love the smells of people’s gardens as I pass their carefully tended flowering trees and the forest roads that we are famous for here. I squeak and grunt and groan on my bike and feel much more alive than I ever do anywhere else. If the sight of this ungainly, poundly, pumping body rolling along beside the cars of the skinny offends them… I have to remember that I was put on this Earth, not to live up to the expectations of others, but to my own and I don’t judge myself based on what space I displace.  Nor will I apologize for taking up space.  Now I’m going to own the space I take up. Square my shoulders, lift my chin and pedal my hiney all over town.

I laughed as the idea grew in my pedalling mind to begin a blog for chubby women who still love to ride bikes. Maybe we can start our own club here in town. The Red Helmet ladies or something. Want to join me?

I read a quote just today along the lines of self-nurturance. It said that if we let outside influences dictate what our requirements are, then we stay in a mortal mindset, but when we delineate our requirements from within, we become like gods. It seemed to make sense, as I sat there, basking in a breath-taking panorama, enjoying my stimulating bike ride and pondering my question of the day.

So I pose the same question to those of you sharing this CEDRIC journey, given your experience with Michelle’s counsel, CEDRIC’s philosophy and the tools you’ve adapted to accomodate your challenges. What makes you tick?

Michelle Morand has a few workshops coming up this year. Summer is such a pretty time here in Victoria. Maybe a few of us can take the Phase 1 together and cycle to and from the event, together? Find out more about the Transformative Workshops that allows Michelle to convey much more, and deliver it much deeper with her gentle but intensive group dynamics.

Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.

The thing about having an issue with weight is that it translates to an issue with food. This relationship is something that is mismanaged and misunderstood by the best of them, but when you are dealing with personal challenges, the relationship gets even more murky.

There are so many opinions in the western world for the person who is having self esteem issues around the fact that they are considered overweight or are gaining weight.

There just as many options as there are opinions for the person who is dealing with this and they come from all sides as our culture invests a fortune in keeping the superficial issue of body image in the forefront of the collective consciousness.

We have people on tv, in white coats, claiming to be specialists. They give us the gears for being hefty by informing the population that we are ‘less than’ if we don’t buy their plan for salvation, hook, line and sinker. We hear about Food for nurturing and Food for self numbing as an opiate. Martha Stewart tells us that we need to be making the meals pleasing to the eye, Rachel Ray says we should be making four course meals in half an hour to measure up. Even Oprah, who is a cultural icon in today’s world, has her own kitchen staff that includes a world class chef so she has NO idea what she’s eating as she’s passed that on to her dietitian and yet her weight STILL has more ups and downs than a staircase.

How can a little person from small town wherever, with shoelaces for a budget, compete? How can we get away from the constant berating that we are living with a ‘problem’ and if we aren’t constantly doing something about our ‘problem’, we may as well move to the Tennessee Ozarks into a decrepit trailer park right now. Its bad enough that the reality is our bodies need food for fuel and three times a day or more, we better gas up or we won’t have to worry about it, we’d be dead! How does one address mealtime without confusion when messages are coming at us from everywhere with an opinion of how to think?

As a person with a lotta heft in my left, a lotta junk in my trunk, I take offence at the skinny mini diatribe that besieges me constantly. I don’t WANT to be skinny. My loving hubby doesn’t want a stick. I just want to know what is safe to eat and do while keeping a quality of life that is nurturing and gentle to me. Michelle says that food is not the problem and that we should unearth what it is in us that is the real issue that sends us running to food for a crutch.

I can’t argue with that as in my case, she’s right, but now I’m not running any more. I use food as fuel for sure, but I also eat only what I want, what I crave, what is available at the moment if its not too big a common sense compromise and I stay within boundaries of freshness, proximity to home, organic standards rather than the old days where I would starve all day to eat anything all night, undiscerning between dingdongs and other fattening treats, to fried foods and snack products that have no nutritional quality whatsoever.

In spite of changing so drastically, now that I’m informed, I’m still not losing weight. So what’s up with that?

I am coming to realize that the shifts that have occurred in me are bringing about change, but it’s long term, behavioural change and that means the results will be taking long term to come about as well. This isn’t the ‘24 pounds in 24 days’ gimmick; this isn’t some pie in the sky grapefruit and cabbage diet that will yoyo me back and forth through the sizes in my wardrobe. This is a long slow curve that will organically turn me around slowly as I begin to address the need I have to be patient and gentle with myself.

I’ve had harsh judgement and hard times, I’ve been shot, robbed, molested and lied to.  Now, I have to turn my back on my need to be nurtured and follow the tenets of ‘no pain, no gain?’ I don’t think so.

In fact, I’ve been thinking…  Why IS the diet industry so heartless towards us? Is it in the guise of ‘tough love’ or is it just that patriarchal need to be an authoritative force to motivate us off the couch because we are so fat that the chub is also between our ears and we don’t hear so good unless you’re yelling or berating us.

Case in point are the tv shows that pit people against one another in the ruse of losing the most weight. For days, morbidly obese people are filmed morning, noon and night wearing little more than a spandex jumpsuit in gawdy colours, forced to do unthinkably difficult tasks much to the entertainment and enjoyment of a slim and trim, uber critical audience that must figure as long as we’re pointing fingers at the fatties, no one will notice the cellulite secrets they hide under their girdles.

Not only do the contestants of these shows have to run themselves to the edge of death in order to lose the most weight, but they are also pitted against one another in alliances and secret arrangements that erupt when emotions are stretched to their limits. I’m surprised that these contestants don’t commit suicide in droves, they take so much verbal abuse on top of the humiliation of knowing that millions of viewers watch their bellies jiggle weekly.

To be honest, I began watching these shows out of initial curiosity from my natural sociological stance, but I soon found out that the experience was a little like witnessing traffic accidents. Each participant becomes the victim of her own intentions as they allow constant crap and abuse to belittle and diminish them in mind and spirit under the lame excuse that it would help decrease their girth.

I admit that watching people exercise while I sit on the couch with my sliced mango, stinky cheese and nut plate is far more fun than being in the front of those invasive cameras and a way for me to say to myself, see… that’s how NOT to do it… and this is how TO do it. (As long as somewhere in my day, I manage to disengage from the comfortable furniture to eject myself outdoors to do a bit of adventuring in the fresh air.)

I can’t support any process that isn’t gentle to me. Now, ‘Staying in the love’ is the mantra that helps me to judge whether something is for me or not. I’ve gotten to the point that ideally, i f I must suffer or sacrifice in order to manifest something into my life, then I take that as a signal to self assess why I am overriding my main intention, to be good to my self.

This is me, as I say time and again, your mileage may differ.

I’ve thought about this cultural acceptance thing a lot these past months. Its been frustrating as I picked up the CEDRIC principles and started applying them to my life because I wasn’t seeing immediate physical results. That really messed with me, as I have been diligent, moved through my life with integrity- to myself and to others, utilizing the coping skills I’ve learned, and still I strain to put on my socks with my poor squished organs groaning under the pressure of ribs without enough room, due to pudge. I want to lose weight, I want to fit in chairs, I want to fly without the imminent threat of thrombosis from getting scrunched into tiny seats without being able to move for hours.  But I don’t want it if I am going to have to experience one more effing hardship.

This means that changes aren’t going to come overnight. They didn’t pack on overnight, after all.

I suggest that staying in the love is critical.  Feed yourself in ways that feel right and responsible for you. Eat fresh, eat lots of leafy green and whole nuts and grains, stay away from artificial ingredients, sugars, refined foods and fried things. Eat till you’re full, eat when you’re hungry and stay in the love. And hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.

I haven’t felt a hunger pang that has sent me packin to the snackin since November. Even when faced with trials and tribulations that used to drive me to the snack aisle or worse, the liquor store, I’ve managed to pull out my shiny, wise, newly acquired coping tools and slay that weakening willpower almost effortlessly. I don’t WANT junk in me.

I’m going to persevere.  I KNOW that as the weather improves and I ride my bike more, I will finally see what I truly crave, the return of my healthy, whole self. The mind has trimmed up, the rear is always the last to go.  But know that once one begins the journey that is loving oneself as one is losing, if you are anything like me at all (human, mortal, alive) your hungers will indeed take a permanent holiday.

ps. I realize that the issue of Hunger is very real. The world has people who are struggling to get enough to eat and I don’t use the word disparagingly.  In seeking a graphic to illustrate this article, I google-imaged the word and was reminded that many don’t make it due to the simple need of having enough to live on.

It also reminded me that many might not have the fiscal resources to acquire Michelle Morand’s book, or to take advantage of the Web Program we are developing, or to come in for workshops or counselling sessions… but take heart, as over the next year, ‘Food is not the problem’ will be the theme for my articles and even without the book, follow my ‘Tina’s Journey’ thread, here and in the CEDRIC newsletter (Food is NOT the problem- Find out what is!) to travel through the exercises and processes along with me. Computers are freely available in local libraries so the technology IS available to anyone who desires staying in touch.

There are many hungers,  and this article outlines a different kind of hunger, that is, a yearning that becomes a hole needing to be filled, no matter what, no matter how, when we are broken and hurting. CEDRIC suggests that once you have healed that emptiness inside, the rest will follow.

Having a social conscience is a part of being whole and I strive, when I can, to make a difference in the world by volunteering. The issues I choose to support aren’t always about hunger but they are about giving the marginalized a leg up or helping young women realize their full potential, starting with body image.

I’m kicking my old ways of coping to the curb, giving hunger a permanent holiday.

Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.

There’s a card I have had up in my bedroom for I don’t know how long and this morning as I was looking at it for the thousandth time I thought you might find it relevant as well. The quote is this:

“She realized this transition was not about becoming someone new but about finally allowing herself to be who she’d always been.”

Each of you has an amazing, talented, warm and loving presence inside of her. Perhaps you even let others see that side of you. If you’re using food to cope you can bet that you’re not allowing yourself to really recognize and embrace that amazing person who is you. You’re stifling her for all you’re worth.

It’s her desire to express herself fully in the face of old beliefs you carry about your right to exist; to take up space; your deservedness of success and happiness and contentment; and of healthy, loving relationships, that makes you feel fragmented, fraudulent, inauthentic and anxious. And it is that anxiety that leads you to focus on food and body image in harmful ways and to miss out on all that you, and that life have to offer.

What if you took a moment today and just got still and quiet and asked yourself, “What are the people/situations in my life currently where I feel I cannot be fully authentic – fully myself?”

If you’re honest with yourself you will come up with a list of people and situations that currently trigger you to feel like you will be rejected and judged negatively if you say or do what really feels right for you.

Now it’s time to take steps to develop the tools and awareness within yourself to create connections with those people/situations where you feel safe being fully authentic. As you begin on this path you will notice your focus on food and body image lessens and your sense of self strengthens, and your relationships with others become better than they’ve ever been.

Being who you’ve always been is not a disastrous concept certain to ruin your precarious grasp on life. Being who you’ve always been will bring you a sense of strength and confidence, as sense of “being somebody” that no one can take away no matter how much they disagree with your choices or behaviours.

I guarantee it!

Love Michelle

If you’d like to begin to change your relationship with food and your sense of your self today – give me a call or send me an email mmorand@cedriccentre.com.

And if you’re not already registered, sign up for our free newsletter to stay tuned for more articles and tips for recovery <a href=”http://www.cedriccentre.com/free-newsletter”>Sign up for our free newsletter</a>.

M.

With the tiny green buds erupting everywhere, vivid purple and orange crocuses exploding in flowerbeds and banners on the sides of city buses pleading for daffodil pickers, spring is in the air and the sentiments it brings are contagious. The long sleep of winter is showing every indication of giving up the ghost and with it, we can lay our bad habits and deliberate nutritional ignorances to rest once and for all.

June will be our month to focus on Natural Eating in the CEDRIC newsletter, but I wanted to bring it up in this issue to go along with all the green that is cropping up everywhere. We need to be in full throttle of eating right by June, where we will augment the process with tips and yummy ways of integrating a wiser nutritional path for ourselves, but we have to start somewhere and there’s nothing like using the encouraging shoots of green as our incentive.

I am using the impetus of all this burgeoning growth to inspire me to be good to my self, to become more active and to look at the heavy, deadening parts of my life with a critical eye, ready to eliminate anything that doesn’t contribute to improving my situation, in order to make me physically light and to make my spirit lighter. “The body will follow” is the lesson I’m learning from those who have already been through the difficult baby steps of beginning to be aware in a body/mind/spirit philosophy.

I look to our fearless leader, Michelle, as she has been through the fire and is back, helping to build bridges for the rest of us who found ourselves in similar straights but who are without the resources that Michelle tapped into. Michelle eats very aware, with lots of green teas, whole grains, exceptional chocolate and a diet that is intentional in its consciousness. I don’t think she would ever be caught dead with food that harms her (other than her occaisional chai latte and exquisite chocolates). I like the way she thinks. I know I’m not alone either.

So I encourage you to start this week. When you are in the supermarket, trying to figure out what it is that you need to get, think organic. Use common sense when it comes to things that contain ingredients you can’t fathom, and stay in the outer aisles when selecting the kind of building blocks your body needs to be healthy. It may seem more expensive, but shop around, organic produce has come down a lot in price in the past year as it increases in popularity. The internet has great recipes for alternate ways of cooking so that you don’t have to give up your comfort foods completely, however by replacing harmful ingredients with nutritional ones that contribute to well being, you can still cozy up to those stews and baked casseroles that comfort you through spring evenings that are still pretty nippy. Use virgin olive oil instead of margarine or butter, for instance.

Instead of gathering huge bags of commercial fruit and veggies into your shopping cart, select smaller quantities of the organic brands, more often. In order to gain the nutrition of one organic cauliflower, for instance, you must eat several of the commercial variety that have been grown with pesticides. The worst culprits for pesticides are often the least obvious. Non-organic melons and hard peeled fruit are the absolute worst, not because they have been inundated with chemicals, but because the minute you cut into those rinds, the knife transfers pesticides to the inner flesh. Drink more water and less flavoured sugar-based beverages, remembering that soda pops not only have the dreaded high fructose corn syrup but they are also contributors to osteoporosis in women’s bones as they age. It is the fizz that gives us long term problems in our advancing age.

Another way of introducing healthy fresh vegetables and fruits to your diet is to start growing your own whenever possible. Even if its only a few planters on your balcony as an apartment dweller, salad greens sprout and grow easily. The bonus is that you can move the planter to follow the sun if you’re in a darker side of your building. Chives, parsley and various lettuce greens plus leeks, spinach, green onions all can be started now as seeds and kept on window sills as they propagate, and after the May long weekend, they can be moved outdoors or to the ground, once the threat of a late frost is past.

Eating wise is the key to putting things back in balance. I know that it’s hard to recover from longstanding eating issues without sometimes dipping back into a diet mentality focus on food, but we still have to eat, and we still need to break those patterns that contributed to our becoming out of sync with our health. Instead of groaning at the thought of interacting with food, there’s something innately optimistic about the way food we grow ourselves becomes available. A little love, a little water and the occasional fertilizer in the form of your cold tea and eggshells, and you are rewarded with tasty convenience that doesn’t even need refrigeration.

Spring salads can also be augmented with things that we find in the garden. Fresh dandelion greens add a tangy taste to your assortment of veggies and greens for your salad. The petals of dandelions are also very sweet and colourful, also full of iron and other nutrients that help kick start our immune systems. When I am making a salad where I have access to a yard, a quick wander often adds nasturtium flowers and leaves, chives, dill or fennel sprouts to the mix.

Springtime Salad Dressing

Make your dressing in the bottom of the salad bowl and stick to ingredients that contain no dairy or sugars as commercial salad dressings are notorious for being full of fat and sugars that make a low calorie salad into a high calorie nightmare. Since there can never be enough garlic, cut a clove and rub the raw end over the entire inside of the salad bowl before you add your contents. Then slip in a couple of tablespoons of whole mayonnaise, a distressed (squished) clove of garlic and about four tablespoons of Bragg soybean sauce. Stir with a whisk till smooth and then simply toss in your vegetables, mix well and viola. Low calorie munching with high appreciation response.

Garlic can be added or withheld as family member’s tastes dictate. Sometimes I make the no garlic version if I have to be talking with others and the delicious taste of the Bragg is enough on its own to make the salad just as palate pleasing as if it had all the evils in it the commercial dressings contain, yet without the guilt!

So, think in terms of freshness, think in terms of long-range results. Think in terms of nurturing your insides as well as your outsides.

Take a spring walk every day for at least 20 minutes and know that somewhere out there, I too am walking, taking in all the exciting signs that the cold, dreary days of winter are behind us for another year. Those exciting signs are also saying that we too will be healthier by the time the wheel of the year brings us back to the next spring.

Kick-start your healing journey with fresh veggies and fruits, nuts and whole grains and let the synergy of spring propel you into the healthiest year of your life. You’re not alone! I’m doing it too!

Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.

I knew better, but did what I did anyways, and I blame that darned dialogue that rattles on in my mind. I thought I was better equipped to resist the arguments that came up but I caved royally and now I am paying.

I knew better than to ingest the very things that I’d identified as being problems for me. High fructose corn syrup had almost totally been eradicated from my diet. For a month, I experienced the equivalent of a ‘detox’ as I cut back on sugars of all kinds, on dairy, on highly refined foods.

I’d been so good. All last month I ate organic, followed my hard-won advice around the ingredients that I wanted to avoid, I shopped in the outside aisles of the supermarket and avoided fast food completely. As a result, my bloat dissipated, my ankles ceased their endless swelling, I had more flexibility and I didn’t feel as creaky in my joints. My skin cleared up and my slacks were JUST starting to have a little bit of give in them.

I was optimistic that my health was on the upswing and I was on the road back.

And then I had three days where I gathered up all four of my daughters where we had a little road trip that found us traveling long distances, staying in hotels and eating out a lot. Well, finding good food on the ferry was easy if you wanted nothing but salad and vinaigrette, but watching the girls mow down fat french fries, that gooey brown chemical gravy and the smell of fried chicken burgers made my resolve weaken. By the time we made it to the mainland, and hunger reared its head again, we were headed for hell in a gasoline hand-basket as I took the kids to not only Wendy’s but to Mickey D’s as well as Burger King AND Chinese food over the course of the weekend. I tried to stick to my confirmed new way of eating, but the chicken strips called my name and before I knew it, I had to eat them. Then the coffee with its cream and sugar of dubious origins… then the gummy bears… and later that night in the hotel, the bags of chips came out. Granted I ate the ones marked ‘organic’, they were still full of chemical contents that I couldn’t pronounce.

Now, two days later, I have to deal with the consequences. I’m back home and the juicer has been used several times already as I strive to counter the delayed reactions to the various things I ate with a constant onslaught of fresh fruits and dark green vegetables.

Inventory of my new ailments reads like a page out of the rags you find in the supermarket at the checkout counter. My ankles are swollen again, my gut is swollen again. I have new tiny pin bruises on my thighs and the varicose on my feet have increased, no doubt due to the increased lack of circulation from the swelling. I experienced a back ache for the last day out and the first day home that felt like my kidneys were under attack and it took more than a couple of painkillers to quell that discomfort.

So, punished I am and I can’t deny it.

I read an article by Jack Knox in the local newspaper, the Victoria Time-Colonist where he called himself ‘nutritionally illiterate’. I coined that phrase immediately as it perfectly describes the majority of the population who lets media advertising educate them about nutrition. I have been striving to educate myself nutritionally so that I am not belaboured by the long term results of eating ignorant as I witness so many doing in today’s world. I know that I will live better if I eat better and now I see, that backsliding into my old ways is no solution to acquiring a healthy balanced future as my body continues to age.

I guess I had to go through this to see the consequences that arise with my own eyes, where one takes a recently detoxified body and reapplies toxins to it.

The gift that I get from this, now that I am eating right again and now that my poor kidneys have stopped aching, is that I know how to make my body happy, and if I am going to travel, I am going to have to think ahead to prepare for the event of meals, the event of temptations coming at me from all sides, and for when I am dining among people who pay little heed to what they put in their bodies.

I really think I’ve touched upon something important here. This is a key component to my turning around the vicious circles that have contributed to my getting as big as I am.

I will take the lessons I garner from this and start writing more about what we can do to resist, to reduce the temptations that vex us, and how to travel with portable holistic foods so that we can be better prepared to continue a healthy intake of nutrition when we are among friends and family who don’t necessarily appreciate our endless lecturing about how bad they are treating their bodies by eating blind.

I’ll share what works for me and when I can face it, what doesn’t. If nothing else, you can expect a big dose of honesty and experience that might save someone from having to reinvent the wheel. The wheel on that wobbly wagon that its so easy to fall off of at the first sign of challenges.

Tonight, as I arise from a late nap (I find that exhaustion is another side effect of retoxifying myself with the additives and chemicals that are in fast food), I feel better than I have since I left for the mainland. Its been a day since I last ingested food that is detrimental to restoring my health and I am more alert now than I felt all day yesterday. Bad food really IS an opiate of the masses.

Let’s start learning how to put that nutritional illiteracy behind us, together. I juiced some organic apples, celery, ginger, carrots and parsley and felt it re-energize me the instant it entered my body. My tongue was so happy to taste the bright, fresh colours of healthy raw food and starting next newsletter, I will pass on the things that are working well for me as I morph from old bad habits of eating and cooking to embracing new healthier ways, foods that are delicious and which are building blocks to our healthy future.

I’m back in the saddle again, no more wagons for me, unless they are loaded with organic produce and healthy ingredients.

Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.

William Walker Atkinson wrote a book in 1906 called “Thought Vibration or The Law of Attraction in the Thought World. He wrote over 100 books in his career and was widely respected as a leader of new thought and spirituality. His writing formed the theoretical basis for the hit movie The Secret and influenced many of its interviewees (Such as Jack Canfield and Joe Vitale). I’d like to share some quotes from each chapter with you over the next few weeks as it’s such an amazing little resource and the language with which he writes is so matter of fact it really appeals to the logical, rational, need the science behind the method part of my brain. I hope you like it. Michelle

Chapter V: The Secret of the Will

“… few realize that the Will may be developed and strengthened by intelligent practice.”

” … Will Power, with all its latent possibilities and mighty powers, may be developed, disciplined, controlled and directed, just as may be any other of Nature’s forces. It does not matter what theory you may entertain about the nature of the Will, you will obtain the results if you practice intelligently.”

“… I think that in the higher regions of the mind of every man is a great store of Will Power awaiting his use. …. Your Will does not need training — but your Mind does. The mind is the instrument and the supply of Will Power is proportionate to the fineness of the instrument through which it manifests.”

“He who has developed his mind so that it will allow the Will Power to manifest through it, has opened up wonderful possibilities for himself. Not only has he found a great power at his command, but he is able to bring into play, and use, faculties, talents and abilities of whose existence he has not dreamed. This secret of the Will is the magic key which opens all doors.”

“Many of us feel that if we would but exert our Will, we might accomplish wonders.”

“We instinctively feel the power of the Will, but we haven’t enough energy to exercise it, and so drift along with the tide, … “

Michelle here, I was thinking about the above statements and it is clear to me that people who use food to cope have tremendous will power; they’re just exercising it in the wrong direction. Their will power is directed towards controlling their food intake and body size. Will power will not be enough to resolve a harmful coping strategy because you must understand the underlying reasons and triggers for your need for the food and body focus in the first place. That is the place to apply your will. To focus your efforts on relationships or circumstances in your life where you do not respectfully ask for what you need or where you feel unsafe or insecure is the most powerful manifestation of your will power. It states to yourself and to anyone watching that you believe you are worthy of love and respect and that you will only engage in relationships where those things are present. If you are using food to cope you do not believe that you are worthy of dignity and respect from yourself or from others. Place your effort on finding the source of that story and seeing how it manifests in your life today, apart from food, and you will have the key to a life that is completely free from food and body image focus.

You are worthy of respect and dignity in all the areas of your life.

Love Michelle

Debbie has worked as a voice for those who can’t speak for themselves, for many years in the furthest reaches of Canada, namely, women in poverty and women escaping from violence. She is wise beyond her years. She was a single mother for years, overcame her own demons to go on to make a huge difference in any community she touches.

As usual, our conversation wandered around where we were in each other’s lives – and we got to talking about CEDRIC, the blog, core beliefs and how we both dealt with our rascally drill sergeants.

We were in Deb’s downtown Vancouver hotel suite, pulling open the couch to turn it into my bed and Deb says “the trick is to take those surviving skills and turn them into thriving skills.” Sometimes she comes up with such simple sentiments that are so ultimately dead on. Then she pointed out that she couldn’t help noticing how my recent soul searching and subsequent life changes has had paid off and how I was now, like her, thriving.

Deb and I go back to the early 90’s and we have seen one another navigate through many challenges. Deb nodded. “I remember how good it felt when I started really thriving, and all those survival skills that I picked up along the way are really paying off now that I’ve shifted them into ‘thriving skills’”, she added.

“It’s so good to see you thriving” my good friend Deb said and suddenly it felt that by shifting from survival to thrive mode,  I’d joined some secret sisterhood, some kind of new agey clan of the people that ‘get’ it. In a funny way, I realize now that Deb has had faith in my eventually ‘getting’ it – for a long time. She knew I had the capacity, but that I was going to have to come to it in my own time. Now, years later, I AM thriving, and now I’m reaching across, encouraging you to take my lead, my offered hand, and ‘get’ it with me as we experience this phenomenal ‘mode shift’ time in our illustrious lives. Is it your time?

By addressing that drill sergeant and encouraging him to step down off his soap box, we start on our way to eliminating the discourse of survival in our lives, and this leaves us with the ability to replace it with the discourse of thriving.

Sally Kempton said that it’s hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in our heads. To that I say, having had to deal with the enemy and vanquish those outposts, I now prefer to not think in terms of anger, fear or control. Yes, it is hard to keep a clear head when the programming has been so deeply and consistently ingrained, but what if I think of my life in terms of a more optimistic perspective, instead?

Instead, there are always challenges that are going to push us past our perceived abilities to cope, the trick is, how to stay in a grounded, positive present, when all those old core beliefs return in a flood and yank at us to revert to the knee-jerk comforts of past responses. Yes, it’s going to be challenging because it comes at us from different directions, but instead of choosing to run to food or inebriates or health damaging choices, I for one, am going to continue to try something different.

Maybe, like me, you might also be able to start ‘red flagging’ that drill sergeant, putting a muzzle on him without letting that negative diatribe influence your actions. Maybe over time, you’ll get  better at replacing those inaccurate core beliefs that have less and less hold on you with new, hip and happening ones. One episode at a time, one brick at a time has the potential to build a strong foundation for the resultant shifts and changes in your life, and maybe like Deb and I, you will find that your life begins to support your desire to thrive, not just survive.

Now if only, red-flagging worked on the cold bug I brought back from my travels to the mainland. I hope I didn’t sent Deb back to Iqaluit with invisible travelers in her luggage.

Drop me a line with some examples of what you consider your best survival skills or worst experiences that taught you the most. Tell me what you’re doing to shift your life from surviving to thriving. Send me your stories of how CEDRIC readings and your exposure to the EDRIC community have had positive influences in your shifting from surviving to thriving.

Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.