Those of you who have worked with the CEDRIC Core Beliefs booklet are probably familiar with these stages, but seeing as how June is ‘Natural Eating’ month, we thought that you might enjoy a quick reminder to help you grab the nutshell of where you are in your process, right in this moment, taken from our Natural Eating booklet.

1) Unconscious Incompetence: Something isn’t working in your life, but you are not aware of what it is or that anything could be done to change it. You may be looking to others or things outside of yourself as the source of your current difficulties

2) Conscious Incompetence: You are aware that you are not functioning well, but you do not know what to change about your behaviour. This can be an extremely scary and frustrating stage, but it also opens the door for you to take action to change your patterns. Clearly, until you know it isn’t working in your life, you are powerless to change it.

3) Conscious Competence: After becoming aware of your problem, you have sought some expert advice. You now have some tools to change your behaviour. Your conscious effort is required to replace old unhealthy habits, with new healthy ones. You are actively working at this stage and it can feel laborious. Therefore, it is important to seek motivation in the small signs of progress you’ll be seeing, rather than focussing on your end goal, which may seem far away at this stage.

4) Unconscious Competence: You have the tools. Thanks to all of your awareness and effort, your behaviour has changed. You don’t even have to think about what to do. The new, healthy behaviour has replaced the old unhealthy one, and it is now second nature.

Where are do you find yourself in your process of change?

Consider taking the time, this summer, for some group process as CEDRIC’s Transformative Weekend Workshops take off, the good news is that there’s still time to sign up. Join with others who share your journey to identify steps to your process that are ideally suited to you. For more on CEDRIC’s Transformative Weekend Workshops with Michelle Morand, please click HERE.

Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.

Tomorrow is my Graduation. I’ve managed to gather enough credits over the past six years to be able to share this achievement with my alma mater and family tomorrow. I managed to hobble along with a Grade 9 education until I turned mid 40 and suddenly avenues of academia opened up to me. Six years later, I’m plotting my accomplishments in a blog made possible by what I garnered from those rigorous years of schooling.

It’s all coming together perfectly. So what if I’m not a delicate Size 14. So what if the clothes on the 3x racks are a bit snug on me as a result of these days of eating well, healing and being loved better than ever.

Am I going to put life on hold and wear rags until some nebulous day when I finally feel that I am worthy of adornment among the rest of society?

I don’t THINK so.

This article is about coping with the pressures of being of size and visible in a high profile situation. Its not easy being the big girl in public. This is preaching to the choir for some of us, I suspect, and I apologize if you just cringed, but as I was hunting through the limited commercial options that pass as style for the big girl, trying to find something special to wear that didn’t look like a sack or dressing for a giant 2 year old, I had a thought that I should blog about the situation that a person of size finds themselves in, which is rarely acknowledged.

How does a person who has fragile self esteem, issues about their body image, is thinking on it 24/7 because you are either not losing weight, or not losing weight fast enough, or are dealing with learning how to muzzle that negative loop in your mind, and then you have to be thrust out into the average John Q Public world. You do what I do, you prepare for it. Anticipate how your needs will be dealt with and look good doing it as a result of a tiny bit of previous planning.

I once had a prof who was an absolute goddess. She was 6 feet tall and had to weigh well over 250. She wore clothes that flattered her curves, that skimmed her body, that was made in classic designs, augmented with accessories that really made her look like an elegant, poised contemporary woman. You forgot she was that big in about two seconds. I remember telling her jokingly that I wanted to be like her when I grew up, and her reply was, ‘Well, I believe in representing the large woman to our culture, we owe it to the other plusses out there to “represent”.’ She had an ‘eye’ and you could tell, she planned her wardrobe with the care she deserved. What an exceptional role model that woman continues to be for me to this day.

When I am seeking a bit of spine so I can go out among what I lovingly refer to as ‘the Lilliputians’, I summon up Roberta’s insightful inspiration and then I’m able to get out there in the fray, and truly represent the Amazons, usually without a hitch.

Ever since I initially pondered Roberta’s statement, I have chosen what I wear according to where I anticipate being, with that question in mind. Is this outfit representing the big woman? Am I making Amazons look good?

Or ‘do I just look like a hot mess just off my meds?’ the Drill Sergeant tries to interject in its humourless monotone. So unimaginative. So NOT stylish.

It IS possible to carry extra weight and be beautiful.

Repeat after me until you believe it. It IS possible to be beautiful no matter what size or shape you are. If you pay attention to what suits your dimensions, if you are willing to put in the little bit of additional effort it takes to manifest things in plus size consignment stores (ask me where to shop in Victoria by clicking HERE), you can find awesome outfits and components of a wardrobe that will work for you, work with your body, not cost an arm and a leg AND represent the big gals.

As my fridge warbles and makes wierd noises, the wee early hours are otherwise silent. Cats are off to bed, the gibbous moon hangs low enough to shine in on me as I type. I’m up late because tomorrow, I’m slipping into that beautiful full black gauze skirt, the foundation garments from Kryptonite (ask me about them, too!) , the saucy tank top that says ‘forever love’ on it in gold that no one will know because I’m wearing it backwards. I have a stunning little jacket made from laces, crepe de chine, satin and some other awesome combinations of fabric, all cut on the bias that I found for a pittance at one of my favourite shops. Its predominantly black with paisley patterns, a bit of pink and burgundy, but muted and elegant. Some low black suede pointy toed slingbacks that will hang out under the gown I am gradding in will decorate my swollen, edema ridden feet, but they too flatter the line of full ankles and just make me look all that much more curvier. My hair cost a fortune today, but I’m worth it. I worked HARD for this achievement and you don’t get a lot of chances in life to grab this kind of gusto so I’m milking it for all its worth.

I was too excited to sleep so I thought I would share my thoughts about dealing with the physical aspects and issues of having to be an anomaly in a size conscious world and some insight on how to overcome the burden of critical gazes with savoir faire. Just keep your chin up, your eye on the prize, remember who loves you and why and don’t let the haters (who have NO idea who you are) affect you.

And as for the Big Guys out there, or the Guys who have special issues that make them feel that the only way they will keep their manhood secure is to comfort themselves with some inebriant, be it food or whatever, I didn’t mean to leave you out of the blog rant. You should know that you too can have carriage, poise, grace, confidence; that combined with selecting clothes that actually suit you and not some stick thin mannequin, would have you representing for the Elegant man no matter what his dimensions. I believe I have an insight for both genders. Michelle’s brilliant article on ‘Integrity’ says a lot about what it takes to be elegant and confident in no time.

Represent.

And don’t forget to take some risks. I do, and the lower half of my freshly coifed hair is brilliant, shockingly tourmaline purple, as colourful proof.

I’m representing Amazons and I’m too excited to sleep.

Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.

Yuppers, that’s what I said, your Drill Sgt. can be happily on vacation in Mexico in 24 hours, leaving you at home to peacefully and contentedly practice life-enhancing coping strategies and self-care. And I’m not talking about trying to talk yourself into loving yourself as you are or about settling for being the weight and shape that you are now.

So, what am I talking about? I’m talking about integrity. Integrity means that your words and actions are in alignment. You want to know the secret to happiness? It’s integrity. You want to know the secret to feeling peaceful and content in your body; in your relationships; in your career; etc?

It’s integrity: Words and Actions Aligning.

You do what you say you will. And not just to others, but first and foremost to yourself. That’s where most of us who feel controlled by food and loathing of our bodies stumble; integrity with ourselves. We’re all over taking care of others and honoring our commitments outwardly at all costs.

We could be on our death bed but we’re dragging our sorry little butts to work or out for that coffee date with our friend because we said we would and we don’t want them to be angry or disappointed in us. We’re so afraid of the potential of losing someone’s approval and respect we’ll do anything even, and frequently so, compromise our own needs for respect or rest or consideration etc.

Yes, from the outside we appear to be these amazing people who have it so together. We are super beings who can do it all and then some. From the inside however we feel totally fraudulent; a complete sham; and completely fearful of being discovered for the big phony we are. This creates great anxiety and what do we do when we feel anxious? We beat up on our bodies or we eat or we restrict etc. Not very helpful and certainly not very full of integrity. We put ourselves out there as these confident together people but our words within and the actions we engage in when we’re alone belie a different story: We are frightened; we are overwhelmed; we hate ourselves for being so; and we feel compelled to drink, toke, eat, restrict, purge, shop, or clean to take the focus off our anxiety and to numb out, if only for a moment.

When our primary focus is on obtaining the approval of others because we believe that we will finally then be able to feel safe and secure in the world and be able to feel confident in ourselves and our right to be and to take up space, we are unfortunately, chronically insecure. You see, if I am giving you the power to decide whether I am worthy and acceptable I am at the mercy of you and I’d better hope and pray that you’re a nice person who is healthy and balanced, who doesn’t engage in guilt trips or manipulation, who doesn’t think that their needs are more important than mine but sees that we’re both equally important.

I’d better hope that you truly want what’s best for me even if that means that you don’t always get what you want. If you’re not that ideal, healthy, interdependent person I’m in big doo doo. Because you’re going to take advantage of my desperate need for your approval and have me doing far more than my 50% share of the work in our relationship. That’s going to make me feel even more anxious and overwhelmed, hypervigilant and hypersensitive, and even worse about myself. Which will make me even more fearful of losing your approval which will make me work even harder and feel more overwhelmed when you’re still not giving me the love and approval I seek.

Clearly there is no sanity and no safety in looking outside of ourselves for validation and acceptance if we aren’t first able to authentically validate and accept ourselves. The only safe place to enter into any sort of relationship is from a solid sense of yourself as competent, capable, worthwhile, special and deserving of dignity and respect. If you don’t believe that about yourself and treat yourself that way first and foremost you’ll not be able to trust that you are entitled to that from others. And again, you’ll find yourself connected often to those people who are only too happy to take advantage of the fact that you’ll compromise yourself to make them happy. Not a recipe for peace and joy.

So, what the heck does this all have to do with body image, you say? Well, back to integrity, when your words and actions are in alignment you just don’t hear from that 24/7 critical inner voice. You just experience silence, peace.

Words and actions aligning looks like saying to yourself: “I’m not going to spend time with Mellisa again, she is always criticizing me and others.” – and you don’t cave and agree to coffee the next time she calls, nor do you make some sort of excuse “I think I’m coming down with something” to avoid a courageous conversation. It also looks like saying to yourself : “I’m going to exercise 3 times this week and slowly reduce the amount of processed and refined carbs I have in my diet each day” – and then witnessing yourself following through on that commitment.

In this way you will immediately begin to experience a quieting of that Drill Sgt. and develop a strong sense of trust in yourself as someone who will put her needs first; someone who will not put herself in situations where she feels disrespected or compromised.

Take a few minutes now and ask yourself the following questions:

1. Where in my role as a friend do I say one thing and do another – even in my own mind?

2. What about my role as a parent? Employee? Volunteer? Partner?

3. What about in my role in my relationship with myself? Where here do I say one thing and do another? Even in such small ways as saying you’ll do the dishes and then leaving them in the sink overnight?

4. What could I do in each of these areas of my life to have a stronger sense of integrity; of trust in myself to do what I say and say what I do?

5. What might prevent me from taking action on these things?

Once you’ve taken a good clear look at the ways that you trigger the Drill Sgt. in you, you’re able to begin to make a plan for coming from a stronger place of integrity.

This is super duper important to you because I guarantee you that when you’re able to do this you will feel far far less anxious overall and your judgements about your body will practically cease and…..here’s the best part… your need to use food (or anything else, for that matter) to cope will stop.

Done like dinner!

If you would like help in learning how to remove any barriers to your acting with integrity and to quieting your personal Drill Sgt. once and for all, please send me an email. We can arrange for a one on one session or sign you up for our next amazing weekend workshop where you will get a 3 day dose of new tools and practice that will forever release you from food and body image stress.

I welcome your sharing.

Love Michelle.

Exercising my right to get off the couch

I’m in my portable office that contains a bench in the sun in a hidden corner of Saxe Point with my archaic alternative technology, namely my book and pen. My bike is parked behind me with my digital camera, a sweating, cold bottle of  fresh water rounding out my ensemble. A huge military helicopter rumbles by slowly, competing with the birds as I write.  My intention was to ponder the question ‘What makes me tick?’ as I rode.  I am at that place in my evolution that its high time that I ask myself that very good question.

These days, as I process CEDRIC’s philosophies and tools, as I gain experience applying them to the ups and downs of my life, I’m changing, evolving, refining and in the course of that, so are the factors that comprise what makes me who I am. For instance, I’ve changed my name, my career, my home and my life almost 10o% in the past year. That tells me that I know who and what I’m not any more, but what AM I? What stirs my crank? Gets me going? Gets me motivated?

What makes me tick?

The big M word (Motivation)  is the key, I think – what can I get excited enough about that it stirs me to action- to get off the couch or out of my comfort zone, which has been pretty cerebral and not a lot physical.

The weather has changed for the better and I’m back on my bike. I’m lumbering back to health, one pedal at a time. When I’m eliminating ‘snacks’ and the associative vernacular, I’m having small, healthy meals instead. The natural course of events that follows is that I tire of being inside when the weather is so sweet at last. I’ve lost patience with myself and feel haunted by the spectre of a shortened life because I chose to be voluntarily hobbled while I still had the chance to move or lose it.

I live in one of the top cycling cities in Canada and I have cycled since I was 3.  I love the smells of people’s gardens as I pass their carefully tended flowering trees and the forest roads that we are famous for here. I squeak and grunt and groan on my bike and feel much more alive than I ever do anywhere else. If the sight of this ungainly, poundly, pumping body rolling along beside the cars of the skinny offends them… I have to remember that I was put on this Earth, not to live up to the expectations of others, but to my own and I don’t judge myself based on what space I displace.  Nor will I apologize for taking up space.  Now I’m going to own the space I take up. Square my shoulders, lift my chin and pedal my hiney all over town.

I laughed as the idea grew in my pedalling mind to begin a blog for chubby women who still love to ride bikes. Maybe we can start our own club here in town. The Red Helmet ladies or something. Want to join me?

I read a quote just today along the lines of self-nurturance. It said that if we let outside influences dictate what our requirements are, then we stay in a mortal mindset, but when we delineate our requirements from within, we become like gods. It seemed to make sense, as I sat there, basking in a breath-taking panorama, enjoying my stimulating bike ride and pondering my question of the day.

So I pose the same question to those of you sharing this CEDRIC journey, given your experience with Michelle’s counsel, CEDRIC’s philosophy and the tools you’ve adapted to accomodate your challenges. What makes you tick?

Michelle Morand has a few workshops coming up this year. Summer is such a pretty time here in Victoria. Maybe a few of us can take the Phase 1 together and cycle to and from the event, together? Find out more about the Transformative Workshops that allows Michelle to convey much more, and deliver it much deeper with her gentle but intensive group dynamics.

Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.

The thing about having an issue with weight is that it translates to an issue with food. This relationship is something that is mismanaged and misunderstood by the best of them, but when you are dealing with personal challenges, the relationship gets even more murky.

There are so many opinions in the western world for the person who is having self esteem issues around the fact that they are considered overweight or are gaining weight.

There just as many options as there are opinions for the person who is dealing with this and they come from all sides as our culture invests a fortune in keeping the superficial issue of body image in the forefront of the collective consciousness.

We have people on tv, in white coats, claiming to be specialists. They give us the gears for being hefty by informing the population that we are ‘less than’ if we don’t buy their plan for salvation, hook, line and sinker. We hear about Food for nurturing and Food for self numbing as an opiate. Martha Stewart tells us that we need to be making the meals pleasing to the eye, Rachel Ray says we should be making four course meals in half an hour to measure up. Even Oprah, who is a cultural icon in today’s world, has her own kitchen staff that includes a world class chef so she has NO idea what she’s eating as she’s passed that on to her dietitian and yet her weight STILL has more ups and downs than a staircase.

How can a little person from small town wherever, with shoelaces for a budget, compete? How can we get away from the constant berating that we are living with a ‘problem’ and if we aren’t constantly doing something about our ‘problem’, we may as well move to the Tennessee Ozarks into a decrepit trailer park right now. Its bad enough that the reality is our bodies need food for fuel and three times a day or more, we better gas up or we won’t have to worry about it, we’d be dead! How does one address mealtime without confusion when messages are coming at us from everywhere with an opinion of how to think?

As a person with a lotta heft in my left, a lotta junk in my trunk, I take offence at the skinny mini diatribe that besieges me constantly. I don’t WANT to be skinny. My loving hubby doesn’t want a stick. I just want to know what is safe to eat and do while keeping a quality of life that is nurturing and gentle to me. Michelle says that food is not the problem and that we should unearth what it is in us that is the real issue that sends us running to food for a crutch.

I can’t argue with that as in my case, she’s right, but now I’m not running any more. I use food as fuel for sure, but I also eat only what I want, what I crave, what is available at the moment if its not too big a common sense compromise and I stay within boundaries of freshness, proximity to home, organic standards rather than the old days where I would starve all day to eat anything all night, undiscerning between dingdongs and other fattening treats, to fried foods and snack products that have no nutritional quality whatsoever.

In spite of changing so drastically, now that I’m informed, I’m still not losing weight. So what’s up with that?

I am coming to realize that the shifts that have occurred in me are bringing about change, but it’s long term, behavioural change and that means the results will be taking long term to come about as well. This isn’t the ’24 pounds in 24 days’ gimmick; this isn’t some pie in the sky grapefruit and cabbage diet that will yoyo me back and forth through the sizes in my wardrobe. This is a long slow curve that will organically turn me around slowly as I begin to address the need I have to be patient and gentle with myself.

I’ve had harsh judgement and hard times, I’ve been shot, robbed, molested and lied to.  Now, I have to turn my back on my need to be nurtured and follow the tenets of ‘no pain, no gain?’ I don’t think so.

In fact, I’ve been thinking…  Why IS the diet industry so heartless towards us? Is it in the guise of ‘tough love’ or is it just that patriarchal need to be an authoritative force to motivate us off the couch because we are so fat that the chub is also between our ears and we don’t hear so good unless you’re yelling or berating us.

Case in point are the tv shows that pit people against one another in the ruse of losing the most weight. For days, morbidly obese people are filmed morning, noon and night wearing little more than a spandex jumpsuit in gawdy colours, forced to do unthinkably difficult tasks much to the entertainment and enjoyment of a slim and trim, uber critical audience that must figure as long as we’re pointing fingers at the fatties, no one will notice the cellulite secrets they hide under their girdles.

Not only do the contestants of these shows have to run themselves to the edge of death in order to lose the most weight, but they are also pitted against one another in alliances and secret arrangements that erupt when emotions are stretched to their limits. I’m surprised that these contestants don’t commit suicide in droves, they take so much verbal abuse on top of the humiliation of knowing that millions of viewers watch their bellies jiggle weekly.

To be honest, I began watching these shows out of initial curiosity from my natural sociological stance, but I soon found out that the experience was a little like witnessing traffic accidents. Each participant becomes the victim of her own intentions as they allow constant crap and abuse to belittle and diminish them in mind and spirit under the lame excuse that it would help decrease their girth.

I admit that watching people exercise while I sit on the couch with my sliced mango, stinky cheese and nut plate is far more fun than being in the front of those invasive cameras and a way for me to say to myself, see… that’s how NOT to do it… and this is how TO do it. (As long as somewhere in my day, I manage to disengage from the comfortable furniture to eject myself outdoors to do a bit of adventuring in the fresh air.)

I can’t support any process that isn’t gentle to me. Now, ‘Staying in the love’ is the mantra that helps me to judge whether something is for me or not. I’ve gotten to the point that ideally, i f I must suffer or sacrifice in order to manifest something into my life, then I take that as a signal to self assess why I am overriding my main intention, to be good to my self.

This is me, as I say time and again, your mileage may differ.

I’ve thought about this cultural acceptance thing a lot these past months. Its been frustrating as I picked up the CEDRIC principles and started applying them to my life because I wasn’t seeing immediate physical results. That really messed with me, as I have been diligent, moved through my life with integrity- to myself and to others, utilizing the coping skills I’ve learned, and still I strain to put on my socks with my poor squished organs groaning under the pressure of ribs without enough room, due to pudge. I want to lose weight, I want to fit in chairs, I want to fly without the imminent threat of thrombosis from getting scrunched into tiny seats without being able to move for hours.  But I don’t want it if I am going to have to experience one more effing hardship.

This means that changes aren’t going to come overnight. They didn’t pack on overnight, after all.

I suggest that staying in the love is critical.  Feed yourself in ways that feel right and responsible for you. Eat fresh, eat lots of leafy green and whole nuts and grains, stay away from artificial ingredients, sugars, refined foods and fried things. Eat till you’re full, eat when you’re hungry and stay in the love. And hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.

I haven’t felt a hunger pang that has sent me packin to the snackin since November. Even when faced with trials and tribulations that used to drive me to the snack aisle or worse, the liquor store, I’ve managed to pull out my shiny, wise, newly acquired coping tools and slay that weakening willpower almost effortlessly. I don’t WANT junk in me.

I’m going to persevere.  I KNOW that as the weather improves and I ride my bike more, I will finally see what I truly crave, the return of my healthy, whole self. The mind has trimmed up, the rear is always the last to go.  But know that once one begins the journey that is loving oneself as one is losing, if you are anything like me at all (human, mortal, alive) your hungers will indeed take a permanent holiday.

ps. I realize that the issue of Hunger is very real. The world has people who are struggling to get enough to eat and I don’t use the word disparagingly.  In seeking a graphic to illustrate this article, I google-imaged the word and was reminded that many don’t make it due to the simple need of having enough to live on.

It also reminded me that many might not have the fiscal resources to acquire Michelle Morand’s book, or to take advantage of the Web Program we are developing, or to come in for workshops or counselling sessions… but take heart, as over the next year, ‘Food is not the problem’ will be the theme for my articles and even without the book, follow my ‘Tina’s Journey’ thread, here and in the CEDRIC newsletter (Food is NOT the problem- Find out what is!) to travel through the exercises and processes along with me. Computers are freely available in local libraries so the technology IS available to anyone who desires staying in touch.

There are many hungers,  and this article outlines a different kind of hunger, that is, a yearning that becomes a hole needing to be filled, no matter what, no matter how, when we are broken and hurting. CEDRIC suggests that once you have healed that emptiness inside, the rest will follow.

Having a social conscience is a part of being whole and I strive, when I can, to make a difference in the world by volunteering. The issues I choose to support aren’t always about hunger but they are about giving the marginalized a leg up or helping young women realize their full potential, starting with body image.

I’m kicking my old ways of coping to the curb, giving hunger a permanent holiday.

Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.

When I think of my body and brain functioning together in the miraculous way it does, I have been known to compare it to a carbon based operating system and hard drive that runs the machine that is my body. The way mind and body works together is very much like the way a computer functions, software, hardware, the ‘Blue Screen of Death’ when pushed beyond its capabilities.

In Michelle Morand’s book, Food is Not the problem;  Chapter 4 introduces the Matrix,  which is a chart developed by former professors of Michelle’s, Elisabeth Bennett and Paul Hastings, designed to help ground our carbon based hard drives, to provide that rebooting to default mode, by outlining where we find ourselves in this moment.

This is where my latest evolution goes through its paces. Chapter 4 identifies where my thinking goes back to default when faced with challenges, from within or externally. It brought back that old familiar mental image of the brain as my organic hard drive rebooting and going through this process of assessment and taking action.

The lesson that I take away from reading about where I am on the Matrix is priceless, how to recognize and acknowledge where I find myself, plus how to modify behaviours to re-balance from old patterns that knock me off my axis. It is a natural that the Matrix follows the chapter on Fragmentation. In that chapter, I was introduced to my psyche in components that are metaphors for the different things that motivate me. The Drill Sergeant, the Nurturing Parent, the Authentic Self were introduced as factors that we can consciously resort to  when we are feeling out of synch. When self criticism gets out of hand, I found it really helps to have a way to restructure my response.  With practice, it is helping me to follow thoughts that reflect the Nurturing Parent when I’ve let myself have it with a bout of criticism.

I also found out it helps that I have a nurturing internal parent with a sense of humour who knows how to find the light and the comedy in the situation so that more often than not, I wind up laughing at myself. Which brings me to the wise words of an old friend who always tells me to ‘take the gift and go’ when faced with hurdles.

The Matrix is another tool that Michelle shares from her wealth of experience.  Using such a model to place myself in the moment is an exercise that gets stronger the more I put it to work.  The diagram of the model is on Page 58 and I invite you to refer to it with me. I am interested in being a witness to how much my thinking is changing as I develop the CEDRIC principles in my life and by making these frequent check-ins with my Matrix, over time, I will see where I am heading in my process.

I would also be interested in your thoughts around where you find yourself on the Matrix. I find that it is always heartening to share our experiences and build courage in one another with affectionate reinforcement that contributes to our individual grounding processes. Role modeling in our  culture has always been so much a message of confusing ethics, it is a relief when one finds role models that are in balance, healthy and coming from a place of love. Click here to share your thoughts and insights.

For instance, I’ll look at the Matrix diagram now and share with you how I fit on it.  Today, my thoughts, feelings and behaviors relating to the past are around the ridiculous student loan that I acquired over the past five years as I attained my BA degree.  The thoughts of a huge loan over my head can be pretty oppressive, which leads me to feel kind of hopeless and the behaviour that evolves from this is usually a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can translate that as hunger pangs, or cravings, or in this evolving mindset, see through the distortion of my personal self assessments, and instead of dwelling on negativity  that could very well be enough to drive a person to go running for their next fix, give myself a kind moment to step back, reassess, adjust my view and move on. Thankfully, I’m beginning to see the benefit of developing skills that get me around that tendency to let things that are out of our control ruin my whole day, or any part of it. I just have stopped giving it that power.

I can finally  identify that my  descent into negative thinking is either out of self protection (as in wash my hands and stay away from people who recently returned from Mexican vacations) or else, it must be just another desperate attempt of my subconscious to get my attention because I am out of sync.  As Michelle says, some unmet need, because I haven’t learned how to make that part of me that brings in negativity all the time (the sky is falling!)  feel safe enough to feel entitled to proper treatment. This brings me back to my hurt inner child, reacting with outmoded patterns of fear of scarcity instead of using the intentional methods my mature psyche is capable of.

My thoughts, feelings and behaviours around the present are not overly stressful as I am one of the lucky ones with a lot of blessings to count. That contributes to my feeling optimistic, which helps me feel less out of control of my life in spite of the debt load imposed upon students.  The behaviour that this creates in me is self nurturance. A cup of tea, a treat in the form of a half hour set aside to garden, a short walk to a local park and back,  these are the ways that I take care of my self.

When I think about the future, I’m excited that I have a passle of daughters who will eventually bring me their mates and I’m keeping my fingers crossed on this one, grandbabies.  My thoughts are about keeping my brood happy, by being the bouyant family matriarch,  and my feelings are  that I will be in the right place for upcoming developments. Overall, the only thing I can do is make peace with the past, life is too short for regrets and we can’t live in fear. I must admit that there isn’t a lot I can do to change the way things turned out. By making amends where I let my responsibility falter back then, I can get beyond the things that would try to haunt me here in the present and as a result, this leaves me open for much more positivity entering my life, in the future.

I no longer use food to cope or reward. I find that there are many things I can use to recoup, reground, recharge my spent psyche.  Rebooting my organic harddrive by always following an insecure patch of thinking with something that restores my self confidence is a wonderful way of rattling my Matrix and bringing my head around to where it is in the moment, clearly focused on creating a positive future and surrendering the past that no longer serves me.

The ‘peaceful place’ that Michelle speaks of is accessible to me more easily all the time. Its a good thing that I’ve acquired this skill as now I must attend to student loan paperwork and filing late taxes. THEN I’ll be ready to live in the present for a while.

Michelle’s Matrix Mantra

“You are currently engaged in a process of learning and self discovery which will provide you with all the tools ansd support you need to identify what your needs are and how to meet them in a safe, respectful and dignified way. It’s not imperative that you know how to do this now or tomorrow, just trust that you will learn, and you will come to a place of being able to identify what you need as each need arises and how to attend to it in a life-enhancing way. And trust me, you don’t have as many unmet needs as you think you do!” – M. Morand

Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.

It is an interesting position that I find myself in with my job at CEDRIC as well as my process utilizing the different books, cd’s and philosophy that are now available to me. I find my life has become a rapidly evolving series of events and ponderances that result in it becoming richer, deeper and ultimately, happier.

I have to give credit where its due as its the humble and kind Michelle Morand’s teaching and energy that are contributing to the vast improvements in how I see myself. I am finally at a critical stage of recognizable achievement in this process as it is not because I am recieving external validation, but because of the diametric opposite of that, I find myself no longer requiring external validation of any sort in order to feel ‘right’ or ‘acceptable’.

The crowd in my head that I speak of in the title is the combination of the various archetypes that Michelle has created to help us readers compartmentalize and identify the components of our self esteem, namely, the Drill Sergeant, the Nurturing Parent and the Authentic Self.  If they were a pie chart, when I came to CEDRIC, the Drill Sergeant (or DS) would be most of the pie, with the NP and the AS mere slivers. Now, however, as I have processed the first 54 pages of the book, and a meagre six months as Michelle’s assistant, I am at a place where I can see that my pie now has the DS as a tiny sliver, there to protect me rather than diminish, and its the AS and the NP who hold places of dominance. Michelle says that the DS becomes absorbed by the NP eventually, and I expect it might in many cases, however in my case, I think of the reabsorbtion as being more of a blur between the compartments, rather than an absorption into the NP or the AS. I see that my Authentic Self needs less compartmentalization as it becomes more integrated with the skills and tools of changing the way one thinks.

These days are difficult ones for me, not because I am in facing challenges personally, but because my life partner has a lot on his plate. If I itemized the huge list of what he is dealing with, and how it contributes to the instability of our routines, it’s enough to send me running for the Timmies sour cream donut holes, but this evolved me has new tactics for dealing with discomforts and related challenges.

Instead, I’m craving a freshly juiced glass of organic fruits and veggies.  Maybe a bagel and a slice of emmenthal for breakfast with an organic banana.

So as my hubby takes off for a busy day of huge resolutions and expedited processes of his physical healing, I consider CEDRIC’s influence upon me to recount for my blog.

Here then, process with me a little as I work through the 16 points of the Nurturing Parent’s tendencies and influences as quoted by ‘FINTP-DWWI’.

16 points of the Nurturing Parent

1) The Nurturing Parent is the ideal outer parent internalized

Thankfully, I had a couple of temporary parents when I was in Germany as a baby who role modelled healthy parenting till I was 5 so I have something to look back at, to know that my own mother’s incapacity to parent me didn’t mean I was a failure as a human, as the previous foster parents had no issues with me and were very nurturing.

2) It is patient and respectful in its listening and sharing.

These days, there is less of the shrill second guessing, so much less that I sometimes ponder how its been days since I’ve heard those clipped German tones in my mind rendering severe criticism of something. I hear instead, the kind voice of my best friend who looks deep into my eyes and heart whenever we put our heads together as we catch up on each other’s lives.

3) It always comes from a place of dignity and respect for the Authentic Self.

Like I said, this is about me loving me, and that dignity and respect for my new me are impervious. I WILL honour myself as that’s the only thing to accept now that I’ve acquired these fool proof self protection realizations.

4) It is an excellent teacher.

So what have I learned lately? That I prioritize things differently. That I am more spontaneous and flexible than ever. That I’ve become a ‘no problem’ type of person, easily coming to conclusions about new ways of getting around challenges rather than feeling like I’m hitting a brick wall of my life’s former confusion when the denigration did nothing but stop me in my tracks.

5) It sets healthful examples, terms of choices, regarding self-care and relationship with others.

When I was laying out our garden out at a friend’s farm over the weekend, my daughter, my hubby and a family friend joined the couple who own the farm where the garden plot is, to figure out how best to initiate laying out the garden. Where the old me would have imposed authoritarian expectations and insisted that things be as I deemed necessary, this new me sat back, delegated who was creative, who had the muscle, who’s wisdom was making sense and by the end of the day, we had spent a wonderful afternoon with everyone being utilized for their strengths, no one feeling they’d been overworked and lots was accomplished to get our family plot under way.  Throughout the process, I saw metaphors constantly of the healthy examples that were presented by looking at the different ways of planting as we shared our experience and expertise.  The choices of seeds were a metaphor for life as we were being optomistic, looking towards making a difference in the future with this garden, and we chose what to plant and where, just as I was starting to lay out my new life, beyond the academic realms, beyond mothering, now that I’m in the time of my life where my hubby and I get to have some time solely for one another.

6) It provides a strong sense of caring and support for the AS to develop its own talents and skills.

Another thing that I count my lucky stars for is that I have always been creative. When life handed me lemons, I made a dishrag out of yarn scraps or dolls for the kids out of less. I bead, sew, knit, weave, leathercraft, cobble, silversmith and wildcraft herbs and know a plethora of other crafty things that I can fall back on when I’m having what I refer to as a ‘crisis of confidence’. The act of doing something I know I’m inherently good at gets me over those self esteem attacks that the DS tried to decimate me with, which I realize now, is the one thing that saved me prior to my learning these CEDRIC processes to rebalancing. I recommend gathering a mental list of strengths that you can fall back on in a creative sense. Can you scrapbook? Drive? Play the piano? Write songs? When you feel that self critical imposition wearing at your psyche, fall back, like I do, on doing a few minutes of that thing that you’re easily good at and redeem your tarnishing self esteem. Its a clever exercise to returning yourself to a more grounded sense of well being.

7) It is a calming, soothing voice during times of stress.

I should be frayed at the edges with what I’m faced with today. My life will be turned upside down when my hubby’s ordainment proceeds. We will have to move, the decision of where is ultimately in the hands of those in Authority over hubby and that is enough to unsettle any nesting person but I am also coping with the possibility that my hubby’s heart disease may not survive the day’s rigors tomorrow, and there is a very real chance that something could go wrong during that hour and a half they have hoses up his arteries and he’s out cold. I could very well be looking at life without my counterpart within a very short span of time.

So where’s the DS? He’s dead silent. What I AM hearing, is the sane, quiet, grounded voice within that says all the positive nurturing things I need to hear. That we caught the blockages in time, that the committee will of course be greeting him into the fold with open arms, that everything is going to work out fine. And that if something happens, I’ll have what it takes in my own self as well as in the support of my close friends, to deal with anything.

Even though this is a big test for my partner as he has so much to deal with from his own perspective, but this is a huge and imminently successful test for me, showing me how much I’ve changed from the anxious, self critical person of ten months ago, to the budding Zen expert of today.

It makes decisions, but considers the Authentic Self’s needs before deciding what is right.

I’m laying low these days, keeping my ambitions to a dull roar and keeping a daughter nearby to offer her young women’s wisdoms as we paddle through these murky, weed laden shallows. This is what my AS has decided I need and I have managed to manifest just that, for us. These are loving decisions and as I have a hale hearted daughter who is here in case I lose the ability to make decisions, I can trust that I’m still in good hands as a result.

9) It nurtures the AS when it is scared or angry, by asking what its needs are and then providing for them – not judging or criticizing them.

See #8

10) It is the highly-developed, rational thinking part of ourselves.

As evidenced by #8 again.

11) It takes time to determine the consequences and ramifications of your behaviours and only acts when it feels peaceful and grounded. The Nurturing Parent never ‘reacts’.

At a time when the less equipped to cope might be running around like a chicken with their heads cut off, I am calm and feeling no anxiety regarding the vast changes and resolutions that are afoot. Its a testament to the process I’ve gone through so far, utilizing CEDRIC philosophies, that have me here in such a stable, grounded and calm state. My ‘higher self’, my ‘Authentic Self’, is truly running things and in a clearheaded and self caring way so that I feel protected from the need to ‘kneejerk’ or ‘react’, in response to whatever gets tossed my way in the coming 48 hours.

12) It is good at making difficult decisions.

I don’t really want to find out how good just yet. I pray I won’t have to.

13) Much of our outer communication comes from the Nurturing Parent, expecially our polite or formal conversation.

I trust that I know how to act in public or in mixed company, or in the company of my family or peers. I find that this hasn’t really ever been a problem for me. But then, I don’t expect that EVERYTHING about CEDRIC philosophies would apply to me, after all, your mileage may differ.

14) Overall, the Nurturing Parent is supportive and loving towards the Authentic Self.

Hence my calmness and sense of community in coping with the challenges of the day.

15) It guides and encourages the Authentic Self to explore its interests and talents.

I’ll look into that after we get the next couple of days out of the way. As a rule, I am always creative and doing something dazzling, especially now that I’ve discovered tutorials for anything my heart desires on youtube.com, but I think this applies to others as well, who haven’t been able to enjoy the luxury of making things or watching themselves unfold creatively, and who would benefit from giving themselves time to play. I’ll be playing again, in a few days, when the dust’s settled and we have a better idea of where we all stand.

16) Last but not least, Michelle Morand’s final insight on the Nurturing Parent is that there is an atmosphere of comfort, warmth, security and safety provided overall, to allow that Authentic Self to grow and flourish.

I am blessed to say that I have that right now.

As I sit on tenterhooks and feel myself foisted on the petards of destiny, I know that cooler heads will prevail, and that I will thrive no matter what the outcome and that I’m safe for the moment.

And most importantly, I’m not in the kitchen stuffing myself to shut up internal dismissive dialogues that did nothing for my self esteem or to help me deal with life’s challenges.

The crowd in my head has morphed into one sound mind/body/spirit amalgamation of thought/action/self and I’m feeling more blessed than distressed as I share my previously unbelievable evolution with the CEDRIC membership.

See Page 53 of Food is Not the Problem – Deal with what is! for the Nurturing Parent list I used here.

Today, I think I’ll plant the lettuce and my Roma tomato.

Namaste,

Tina

Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.

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He shows me he loves me in many ways, but this past week, he managed to drive a major point home.

I was bemoaning that I couldn’t find clothes to fit my 6 foot, 200 mumblemumble lb. frame and that what I did find was available in one store only and everybody else that was dealing with weight issues had the same clothes. We were in traffic in the car and I can remember that we were sitting in the left turn lane to the Blue Bridge when he turned to me and said ‘I love what’s in your head, I love your heart and I love you. I don’t see girth, I see beauty. Would you just appreciate the fact that you have what the majority of the population strives for and quit being so down on yourself?’

That was truly an ‘AHA’ moment for me.

What did he mean?

I tucked that revealing statement away in the recesses of my mind and later, when I was alone, transplanting seedlings into my balcony garden bed, I pondered it some more. I realized that while I have been focusing on the fact that I am in some kind of menopausal phase that includes my hormones going wonky, that its caused me to swell and pack on pounds like I never have experienced, in spite of the fact that I eat organic, I don’t eat processed food, I don’t exceed a reasonable amount of caloric intake a day, the constant internal beleaguering had gotten the upper hand.

My hubby brought me back to groundedness with his statement of love because he’s right. Yes, I might be temporarily out of control weightwise, but in spite of that, I have something that my weight has no bearing on. I let my self be hard on me when I am in public because I internalize the judgement that I suspect others are passing as they see me fill a doorframe with my massive form. That when I am knocking stuff off shelves with my wide hips, or can’t sit in a restaurant chair because it has arms, or when I am walking down the street, I see the way people look at me and immediately I allow myself to feel inadequate, as if I don’t measure up to some nebulous standard that I think others must be thinking.

With this latest ‘AHA’,  I realize that people will think what they may when they see me and that’s their business. If they are trifling enough to be negative in their thoughts, that’s their problem because, I now realize that I have what it is they would love to have. I have a healthy, stable, supportive, generous, kind, loving mate who dotes on me and who knows how to keep my mind grounded so I can heal.

So, on Sunday, when we strolled hand in hand down the main drag in Sidney, admiring the beautiful flowers and dallying in the many bookstores there, as people looked at us, I once again thought about how blessed I am. And you know what?

My size never entered the equation.

That night, as he held me close, I told him about how much his words had affected me and he cuddled my head against his chest. ‘Silly woman!’ he teased lovingly.

So, yeah. Take that, all you judgmental types who think so loud in public when you see someone who you deem less than because of a physical abnormality. If you were to walk a mile in their moccasins you might just find out that in spite of the difference of their outsides, the insides are blessed with a loving family, a caring mate or some other factor that you would appreciate in your life.

I realized this weekend that I have so much to live for. I have grown children who love me, a hubby that is the best in the world, I have a sweet, secure home, wheels that are reliable and fun, great food in the fridge that feeds me body and soul and the greatest boss and job a woman could have. I  have security, privacy, and a venue for my processing that allows me to benefit others in some small way. If my life’s concerns were a pie chart, where previously I’d put so much store on my external features, on my big behind and my roly poly tummy so that the ‘FAT’ section of the pie was a slice that contained most of the pie, now I have a huge piece of the pie that is everything but. And that tiny little skinny sliver that’s left? Well, its shrinking even smaller. The concerns I let myself subconsciously accept are falling on deaf ears now and I could care less what the world thinks.

I guess I must be progressing as I evolve with the help of the CEDRIC insights, braintools and philosophy, and with the help of my loving mate, friends and wise boss. Too many blessings to count.

Now WHAT do I have to be troubled about?

I can’t remember.

Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.

If most are like me, they’ve misunderstood and compounded the harm of this enormous squeak of this wheel by giving it credence for years, without really recognizing its value. Years of trying not to hear the harsh, hateful criticisms that blindsided me made me exceptionally good at one thing. Denial. I could block it out like I blocked out the immature noises my son made as a child, but was I doing myself any favours in this solution? In hindsight, I see that the answer to that is ‘hardly’.

In Gavin de Becker’s book ‘The Gift of Fear‘, he speaks of how our responses to threats are hardwired in us to protect us. He gives an example by showing how we listen to the protective instincts within ourselves when we get behind the wheel of an automobile. We look around us and subconsciously take in signals from others that indicate to us wether the car beside us is going to switch lanes or the vehicle ahead of us is about to turn right or left, but Becker says, the minute we get out of that car and shut the doors behind us, we turn off that instinctive personal radar and cease to listen to its warnings.

This phenomena of recognizing our protective reflexes in one situation yet negating them in others is very interesting to me. When I’m driving, I don’t hear the Drill Sergeant at all. I simply do what I have to do with him kept busy keeping the car where it should be, I guess. Maybe that’s why I enjoyed driving so much, it gave me a break from the relentless diatribe.

In Michelle Morand’s book, ‘Food is not the problem – Deal with what is‘, Michelle says that the Drill Sergeant likely uses the same tone of language and respect or disrespect as we experienced when we received when we were traumatized or forced to endure a difficult life passage. In my case, I know this explains why my DS sounds so much like my mother, with her clipped British tones to the never-ending German accent. She was very angry at her own life and would direct that rage at me whenever she decided I had let her down again. Now, I see that I am a textbook case for Michelle’s message and in a way, I’m lucky to have found someone who can help me to internalize a new kind of self understanding in order to move on. In a way, I feel like I’m being untangled, unscrambled, like the funhouse mirror is becoming less wonky and I can now trust my internal perceptions without the doubt that was generated by such a diminishing canary.

I think that recognizing the DS for what it is, is the first step in the healing… and I’m so glad that I’m there and moving beyond. As I read about another internalized contributor to my evolution, I see that it takes getting to a place of making peace with the DS, that allows us to move it to a back burner where it is much quieter after shifting the DS frustrations away from our inequities Back there, the DS is where it can do what it was intended, which is to protect us…and subsequently I can now allow the Nurturing Parent to take the stage more, getting ever closer to my Authentic Self.

I’m lucky that I have good friends who role model the nurturer in my life so that at least I have an inkling of what it is to be nurtured. When visiting or spending time with these good friends, I am met with hugs, love, concern and the immediate cup of tea that soothes my wrankled edges and helps my frayed self to come together again in a grounding way. Now that I have the DS in a headlock, (just kidding) I meant to say, under control, (somewhat) I can finally have space in me to give myself the pampering and respect I deserve and desire.

The internal Nurturing Parent is now able to redeem my self worth quickly in situations where I feel like I’ve been diminished. It allows me the freedom to make up my own mind about decisions that need a clear head. At the very least, in those crucible cases when I feel forced to make decisions faster than is recommended, the NP is there to remind me that its not impossible to step back for a bit, in order to ponder the situation rather than leaping blindly into the fray as the DS used to taunt me to do.

The key here is on page 53 as I slowly work my way through FINTP. Michelle’s wise words that follow are in bold and for good reason. This should be a mantra for this part of the developing new psyche we are healing within.

“Nothing expedites your healing process more than acknowledging

the small steps you are taking to reach your ultimate goal.’

So, keeping that in mind, use me as your inspiration if you must, but like Michelle says, ‘Don’t let the DS have the last word’ No matter what its intentions are, whether for good or otherwise, make sure that its your Nurturing Parent that wraps up your conclusions about matters that previously would have been tarnished with the belittlement the DS is so good at. Give yourself credit for the small accomplishments.

I used to nurture myself with food, now I use things that don’t have a caloric count as rewards for affirmative changes in my process, nor do I poison myself with highly processed diet foods that espouse ‘no caloric content’, because I don’t use food as a reward at all. Instead of a knee jerk response (as in ‘running to the shelter of my little mother’s helper’ from the Beatles song) I am now capable of asking myself what I would rather be doing, and then reward myself with something related to that. I reward with conscious intention now. Be it a walk to the ocean, an hour of making jewelry, or calling a friend for a heart to heart, I have other options now that I’m more aware of what’s going on inside me.

Nor do I use foods to dumb myself down, to distract myself from my frustrations or to placate what other needs unfulfilled can’t do.

It’s a small thing, but it’s huge to me, as I can now have the freedom to feel loved in all my efforts, not just a select few. That sort of support is priceless at it grounds, heals and ultimately, allows me to move into my future with surer footsteps.

The journey continues, but thanks to the process I’m garnering from my lessons, reading CEDRIC’s book, handbooks and the CD’s, I’m in a much better equipped place to heal and to move into a life that is not tainted by distorted self evaluation. Having the facts really helps. Trusting myself to have the facts is paramount to my having a spine, to my sticking to my guns and to my knowing when to give up and walk away from things that no longer suit me.

All I can keep on saying is ‘thanks Michelle!’. Like water to the person crawling across the desert, I needed this guidance as I have been in a drought of my own, a personal, internal drought that is OVAH!

I can’t help but blossom and thrive now. The wheels are no longer squeaking either. Ahhh… serenity. Won’t you join me?

Tina Budeweit-Weeks is a member of the CEDRIC Success Team in the role of staff writer and executive assistant for Michelle Morand. Her philosophy has always been one of self-nurturance and dignity. In support of the complex difficulties clients may experience around regaining a healthy balance, Tina’s writing is designed to sympathize, support, encourage and inform. Although there are many similarities in Tina’s process, she is not a client, but a hard working, behind-the-scenes member of the team, dedicated to helping the CEDRIC Centre stay current and effective.