By request I am writing this week on the topic of Internal and External Locus of Control. Chapter 11 of my book, Food is Not the Problem: Deal With What Is! is entirely dedicated to this topic as it is a key piece in the puzzle of why you use harmful coping strategies and why it’s so hard for you to stop.

One of my favorite authors, Don Miguel Ruiz, in his book The Four Agreements talks about the ancient Toltec philosophy which has four basic tenants:

1. Always do your best
2. Always be impeccable with your word
3. Don’t take anything personally
4. Don’t make assumptions

He insists in his book that we are all living on a potential “heaven on earth” but, because of our lack of training and adherence to these basic tenants, we are truly living in hell.

Continue reading “Internal vs. External Locus of Control” »

Those of us who use food to cope, or drugs, alcohol, shopping, procrastination, isolation, busywork, and even more socially-sanctioned strategies like over-exercise, co-dependency and workaholism, use those strategies in an attempt to distance ourselves from the constant sense of anxiety we feel within.

The anxiety that we feel is borne out of harmful all-or-nothing stories that I call “learned helplessness.” The learned helplessness stories sound something like this:

• I can’t
• It’s too big
• It’s too much
• I’m not capable
• I won’t be able to do it
• I’m not allowed

Continue reading “The Fear of Making Mistakes (aka The Fear of Truly Living)” »