I can’t believe that I didn’t see it as I was writing it but it is kind of ironic that last week, as I was sharing the news of my engagement with you all, the topic I chose to write on was “commitments and balance”! Ah, the subconscious works in mysterious ways doesn’t it!? We teach what we most need to learn!
It’s definitely a message that I can stand to be reminded of:
“Don’t make commitments you can’t keep and still live a balanced life!”
No, I’m not rethinking my plans to marry. I am, however, conscious of the need to stay grounded in my day-to-day self-care routine in order to be the best that I can be for my son, my sweetheart, my family and friends-at-large and my clients. We all share that need. We all need a fundamental routine of self-care that we honor first and foremost in order to have the energy and the presence of mind to be healthy and balanced and patient and clear-headed with the rest of the world as we go through our day.
It is very freeing to step out of your all-or-nothing thinking and old core belief, and to allow for the possibility that what you have believed about yourself or about old situations isn’t true. Stepping out of this old belief leaves a vacancy, a space that needs to be filled with a new thought or belief. If spiritual enlightenment is your ultimate goal, at some point you will find yourself in a place where you don’t need to replace this old belief with anything: you just exist peacefully in the space that is left when it departs. For the rest of you who either don’t necessarily desire that or who are still on the path to enlightenment, there is the desired belief.
The desired belief is the new story, the new thought which you will offer yourself whenever you notice the triggering of that old belief. Your desired belief will ultimately become your automatic thought: your “default setting” as I call it. For now, it will require some consciousness on your part to reinforce the new belief, but it isn’t hard to do.
First let’s figure out what your desired belief is. The best and simplest way to do this is to take a look at your current belief. Let’s use I am not good enough as our example.
This is a follow up to our 6-part series on self-care. If you haven’t read the others, here are the links:
The First Step to Self-Care
Self-Care Part 2
Self-Care Part 3: Sustainable Change Begins
Self-Care Part 4: Getting from Here to There
Self-Care Part 5: Letting Go of Your Stories
Self-Care Part 6: Realistic Goals
This question came in earlier this week from Nadine and I thought that there might be one or two others of you who may benefit from exploring this tool.
Commitments and Balance
“Don’t make commitments you can’t keep….and still live a balanced life.” mm
Perhaps you’re wondering why I added that little bit on the end there? Well, since you asked…
Most people will agree that the definition of Integrity is somewhere along the lines of “doing what you say you will” or “words and actions in alignment.” I concur with these definitions. But there is a very important piece of the puzzle missing, or inferred:
Integrity = Do what you say you will as long as it doesn’t harm you.
In order to be living from this definition of integrity you have to
- Be well aware of what you’re feeling and needing and
- Be well aware of your deservedness to take care of yourself first and foremost.
No, that is not selfish, it is self-loving. It is necessary as a fundamental framework in your life to honor your commitments to yourself first and foremost.
As I woke up this morning, the first thought I had, after “Why is that cat on my head!” was of you: My readers and CEDRIC Community members. I was reflecting on a phenomenon I’ve been noticing, which is that I receive far more comments on my articles that are not tools-oriented but more information and thoughts to ponder, than I do on my offerings that have specific steps attached, designed to help you achieve your goals.
I lay there, reflecting on this pattern and noticed that I began to feel a little unsettled, “the niggle” was up! As I asked myself what needs I had that weren’t being met that were triggering that niggle, the answer became clear: I want my readers to be successful in their healing. I don’t want them to stay stuck in the use of food to cope when they don’t have to. I want my writing to inspire them and motivate them to try doing something differently.