News and Events – Food Disorders and Obsession
Archive for March, 2007
Feelings are signals from your body about what you need or want. They are not good or bad, right or wrong. They just are.
You have a need which triggers a thought, and immediately a feeling arises. A spiritual leader, whom I know by the name of Ramana, refers to this pattern as “thought/feeling bundles”. The thoughts arise from the sense of an unmet need, and immediately, with seemingly no space in between, a feeling is elicited, and to the extent that we are conscious of them, the feeling is felt!
It is practically impossible to have a thought without a feeling attached to it. And it is not necessary to the healing process to try to separate them. What is important is that we begin to trust?to know on a gut level?that what we are feeling has arisen from a thought which was triggered by a need. That’s all. When we absolutely know this, we no longer spin our wheels and harm ourselves by judging the feeling. Instead, we just ask ourselves, “What need do I have that is unmet right now, and what can I do about it?”
So, have I made my point? Feelings are normal, healthful, natural, appropriate responses to what you are thinking. Even if someone else may judge your feeling or emotional response as “too much,” “too sensitive,” “too drama queenish,” and so on, your emotional response is absolutely perfect, based on your perception (thought) of the circumstance at that time.
Now, it is possible that your perception is a bit skewed by your past experiences and the beliefs you are holding about yourself and others, but the key point is that your reaction is never “too much”. It is always exactly right for your understanding of the situation.
Did you catch that? Your reaction is never “too much”, you are never “too sensitive.” You are always reacting perfectly appropriately based on your interpretation of what is happenng.
So, remember this the next time a key person in your life judges your authentic emotional response to a situation or if you find yourself judging your natural and appropriate reaction to your perception of the situation. At the same time, begin to allow for the possibility that your perception may be coloured by old, distorted beliefs about how the world works and your right to peace and happiness.
At this time, while your goal is to establish a strong, healthful, trusting relationship with yourself, I beg you to err on the side of trusting what you are feeling versus trusting what others say you should be feeling. If you give yourself the benefit of the doubt rather than giving it to others and looking through your feelings, you will make great and quicker progress with this process. For even if, upon reflection, you can see that your emotional response was coloured by an old false story, you can still give yourself the experience of validating yourself in the moment and of then acknowledging that your response was appropriate, based on what you believed to be true at that time.
Then you can go to this person and let them know that you felt justified in your reaction at the time, and, upon reflection, you can see that you did not have all the information. Then ask if the two of you can talk about this some more. I promise, anyone who is at all interested in having a healthful relationship with you will be eager to share what they were trying to convey, and you will hear it differently because you are no longer blinded by this old belief.
And anyone who is resistant to hearing you or to sharing again, what it was they were trying to convey, is giving you the gift of seeing very clearly their own insecurities and their own need to control and dominate you and/or the situations in their lives. That is valuable information for you because it is proof for you that the difficulties you have in your connection with this person are not all about you. Allow yourself to see this. Always remember you are only responsible for your half of the relationship. And the more you get clear on what is your responsibility and what is theirs the easier it will be for you to trust in your feelings and needs and to seek out connections with people who are actively healing their own selves.
So, for now, allow yourself to err on the side of trusting your own immediate, authentic experience, and know that there is a legitimate reason for why you feel what you feel.
The article from a few weeks back on core beliefs will help you sort out any stories you may be carrying from what is really happening. You can access that article by clicking here: http://www.cedriccentre.com/blog/?p=18